Curves with Attitude

So as time goes on, Layla picks up new signs from things Jon, Erin and I do and from things we actually teach her. Now we've got signs that accompany a lot of the words that Layla says. The two most common ones which she likes to use with grandparents and Daddy are for things she has words for.

So first she says "eat"

Then she says "eeeeaaaaatttttT" like you maybe didn't understand her...

Then she does this....

We also have "mo" which is more...

or "ome" which is some...

Or this lovely sign which means I'd like some more drink in my straw cup (complete with fake sucking on her finger)

And for the record we still sign all those first things... like "awl done" (all done) and "stop"...

Labels: Layla, Mommy Diaries

I didn't post any pictures of Collin because I didn't ask his mommy...and because I only took 1 and it wasn't that great. But, here is a great one with Great Grandpa Kenneth.

The BBQ was hot and our visit was short because Layla is well into her terrible 2 phase and the tantrum throwing over not being able to swim in the pool or throw rocks in the grass was too much. I told her "one more and we're going home" and then I took her home, because I'm a Mommy of my word. We didn't get to say goodbye, eat, have cake or see presents, Layla just couldn't handle it and neither could I (given my past week)

She had some cheetos, played with another cute little girl until she started breaking rules and being a pain in the neck. She wouldn't really pose for pictures but I did get this one somewhere in the cheeto eating...

Once we got home she had another tantrum because she wanted her shoes off then she took herself upstairs and put herself down for a nap...which is good, because if she didn't I would have.

Labels: Family, Layla, Mommy Diaries

Things seem to be slipping back to normal with only being occasionally haunted by remembering something someone said or did. I remember things in strange moments, at the grocery store, on the phone talking about something unrelated and I worry about money a lot now.

So is the way with anxiety, but they make pills for that which I am not too proud to use. I admit, I am broken but for the sake of Layla I do my best to appear whole.

This time around I had 2 girlfriends that I talk to a lot. One I've talked to everyday and the other one got hit my the rough spot tidal wave.

Now, hopefully neither one gets offended by this next statement but I thought their roles would have been switched. The one that stuck around us very pregnant and I would have totally understand if she went into hiding but she didn't. Which makes me proud and it also makes me cherish her even more. The other one spent a lot of time talking to me about how crappy it was last time when friends vanished so I thought she'd be a constant ring on my phone. Not so much.

Ironically the men I know and my cousins who I don't talk to too much all got in contact, as did both our dad's and one grandpa and one male cousin. Totally didn't expect that.

I've really got to stop trying to have expections during the unexpected.

Someone lies/or someone tells the truth and it hurts the other person.

Sometimes someone can't stop taking advantage of someone else and eventually the person uses up all of the other person's grace and forgiveness.

People grow apart as their morals, ethics and values advance with age.

I've heard people say that eventually they got tired of someone else's emotional drain or drama queen antics but those seem less "forever".

But, talking with a friend yesterday we determined that out of all the things that can break a friendship beyond repair is abandoning someone in a crisis or blowing your cool because they are in over their head in life.

I don't know that that's always true for me because I can be pretty forgiving. But, I can think of a few people who bit off an issue in the heat of crisis that I've never trusted again. For every person like that though I have a well intentioned person that I have been able to let back in. Some of those people took longer to forgive than others but it usually happens.

And you know what? I have no idea what the difference between column a and column b is. Weird right? I mean you'd think with as many people as I've had kick me while I was down in my life I'd have figured out the line between the one's who got my Christian grace and the one's who got an Aries verbal firefight or the brick wall later at shared social events.

How about you? Are you forgiving or do you hold a grudge? What turns the tide for you in a friendship? How do you determine what is ok and what isn't when it comes to drama?

When she came to my room at 8 she had her stuffed cow and 2 of her 3 stuffed little bears. She put them in my bed and climbed up and pulled up a horse book which I read when she asked "ree me mommy". Then she pretended to read it to me. "rity outside rity hosies rity red" she said as she turned the pages. Her little story almost made sense if you saw pretty horses in fields one of which had a red saddle.

After a new diaper we came downstairs and she asked "eat" so I got her a bottle of milk and sat her on the kitchen counter where she sorted the change cup while I made pancakes.

Then I said "ok time to eat get in your chair" so she scooted to the counters edge and then I put her on the floor. Tiny feet clapped to the tables edge and then she climbed on to a chair, across the table and into her seat. She grabbed her fork and started eatting with a hearty "mmm good".

After beakfast and a solid "awl dones" we went to the living room and with great joy she told me "play cards a movie" and grabbed her flash cards and settled into her movie spot. When I pulled out dvds she told me "cars mommy a cars" so I stuck in cars and when it started she clapped.
Now she's watching a movie and I am sitting here thinking about the leaps and strides she's made this month. Sentences replaced single words and a pride in being able to communicate things is evident in her giggles when she tells you things. Suddenly she became a little girl who dances to music, gets silly when she's tired and wants to be a princess when she grows up.

And the phase we're in now, it's adorable. I get true loves kiss before I go bye bye and a hug when I get home. And just when I think she's sweet enough to eat she does something unpredictable and sassy.

Like yesterday, when she pretended to grab my itsy bitsy spider mid song... She pretended to put it in her mouth and with smacking and a loud "mmm" pretended to eat it so that I would stop singing.

Labels: Babies, Mommy Diaries

Labels: Friends

If you say call if need anything in my family it means call if you need anything before I call back or before I stop by again. Not true for a lot of other people I know. People use call if you need anything make themselves feel better, "well I offered but she never asked", but in a crisis most of those people wouldn't want to sit and pick someone to call for help.

Some people are good at follow up. Texts, calls and blackberry messages show me the difference between those who mean "I am here for you" and those who just meant "offering is what I am supposed to do right?"

I am thankful for those who keep checking in, pitching in, and just talking because I wouldn't call for help if I needed it, not because I'm too good for help or your help isn't wanted but because this is hard enough without admitting that embarrassingly enough sometimes you do wish someone else could shoulder the blow.

A special thanks goes out to my hubby who is taking sick days to do my heavy lifting, my mom who kept the baby busy on the bad days, my dad/Jon's dad/George/Jen who kept checking in for updates and offering over and over via text and phone their love support and prayer no matter what else they had going on this weekend in their own lives, and to JB who acted like nothing was wrong to keep me laughing.

Most of my side of the immediate family made voyages to the house last night to sit and talk. My mom and Teri, my dad's girlfriend, came and kept the baby busy and the house picked up. Jon's dad who was on a road trip called a couple times to check in and i have had several texts from my dad to check in.

I'm going to get out of the house for a bit this evening and tomorrow I have the ultimate test, a baby shower. Life goes on, different but the same.

I have received already the love, support and prayers of much of our family and I know the next couple days there will be visitors and food.

I can still laugh. In the hospital I tried my best to be stronge and positive so the hospital staff wouldn't have my moment as the scar in their day. I did cry, I will sometimes still. But, I remembered the best tool god gave me, I found joy in that sterile room.

I find joy here too. In my mom's help, my husbands support and my daughter's silly dances.

A life was lost and I grieve it by celebrating it's welcome to heaven with love.

We were immediately taken back. I miscarried at 8 to 10 weeks. I have been poked and prodded. I am now waiting for a sonogram and to see if they need to admit me for a D&C.

I've spent $150 dollars in 2 hours on medical bills. I'll also miss at least 2 work days one of which will be no pay due to a stupid holiday rule regarding sick days.

So much for being caught up financially.

My mommy is coming. I need to text or call a few select family members but I don't have the strength to type a prayer request yet today.

My heart is broken.

Labels: Babies, Mommy Diaries

I find myself thinking a lot about the natural flow of things. Are we, by trying to avoid my early menopause, screwing with the way things should be. We're not waging war for a baby mainly putting a little effort in keeping my body open to the idea but sometimes it feels like a lot of effort.

I wonder what it would be like to be shocked to find a baby growing inside me instead of crushed month after month when one doesn't show up.

Labels: Layla, Mommy Diaries

Labels: Mommy Diaries

Labels: GreenLiving

This month my mommy of the year inner confidence has been battling over flowing dishes that don't get done, crumbs on the floor, laundry that never gets put away, trash that doesn't get taken out enough and bathrooms that I am ashamed of showering in. I'm just tired this month.
It's so easy to get swept up in running behind and to lose focus and just friday night Jon and I had the talk where he reminded me that part of being a great mom is taking time for yourself without your kid and letting things slide when they aren't really important. But, I still spent part of the work day thinking about all the chores that needed to be done at home and how bitter I was going to be about spending my only weekend day off doing them.

Then I came home. Layla was so happy Saturday. She stayed with Grammi Teri and she talked about all morning this morning, too. Jon said she cried when she left. And my house, she cleaned it. It was wonderful. She also took home her bowl I have had on the counter since December so it could go home with Erin. She rocks.

Now my thoughts of being way behind are mostly gone because my to do list got a lot shorter. And, I also know that Teri is going to have to babysit again soon, not because my house is clean but because layla won't stop talking about balls and shoes and grammi scaries outside pool.

For instance if you don't see someone because of a choice they made but they guilt trip you about it?

Or when you make plans with someone and they decide that hanging out for the whole day means 4 hours and they are going home but later you get to feel like shit because you work and you're busy just like you told them you would be?

Why do people do that?

Layla loved her first trip to the ocean. There is video and about 40 pictures up on her site for the people that have access to that sort of thing. Of course I'll post a few here for the rest of you. She loves the water, she loved the traveling, she loved the sand and Mommy/Daddy really benefited from the day out of the house.

Tomorrow we'll all be back to work very early. Mommy's shift start's at 6 am and Daddy's starts at 4:30 am which means by the time Layla rolls out of bed at 6:45 am she'll get to spend a lovely day with Miss Erin.

That day will not include board walks, sandy beaches, splashing in waves, eating gummy star fish, having garlic fries or singing along with the radio in the back seat...hopefully she won't get bored.

As for today...we did all those things and a few more. It will be etched into my memory forever...clearer than any picture we took.

Labels: Family, Layla, Married Life, Mommy Diaries, Travel

In the first year of layla's life there was a lot of short trips to local events and festivals and a small road trip to old town. It's time to move beyond that and it never seems to work out when we make plans with other people because we're planners and it never seems easy to get others to stick to the plan and come with a little spending money for an adventure.

So yesterday I was day dreaming about the ocean and when I got home Jon and I made plans for a very low budget trip to the water with layla. Her first trip to the ocean, since we both have today off, will be a midweek jaunt to Santa Cruz.

So far we're halfway there in the car and she's just starting to doze off to the sound of the highway humming by and a tummy full of vanilla scones.

I think this will be a good day.

Labels: Layla, Mommy Diaries

Labels: Layla, Mommy Diaries

Labels: Family

Happy Mother's Day... may you spend today remembering all the little moments that make you more and more a mommy.

Labels: Mommy Diaries

Labels: Mommy Diaries

Labels: Book Worm

Labels: Boredom

Labels: Mommy Diaries

So I looked up.

There I found a seeping wet ceiling and water making it's way both down my walls and dripping on to my carpet. *sigh*

Two calls with the landlord, a couple of meetings with the complex manager who lives next door and one roof specialist (who by the way says there is no issue with the roof) and now all I have is a hypothetically problem with my fire sprinklers, a future unknown date with a construction person who might put a hole in my roof and no good reason why sprinklers would leak only on rainy days.

Oh and a bitchin set of water stained walls.

Lucky me

At Target I also found 1 last pair of adorable brown baby sandals with blue flowers on them and the last pair just happened to be a size 5 which is Layla's size. So I made the $7 splurge.

Two days later I cut off the tags and put them on her feet to find they are huge! The hanger and stickers and tags all say 5 but after looking closer the number on the bottom of the shoe is actually an 8!

Guess now we know what Layla's sandals will look like next year. In the meantime she seems to be enjoying pulling them on and off and stomping around in them.

*sigh*