Layla @ 5 Months

Oh my little LaylaBug, you're already such a big girl. This morning when you woke up you decided to turn sideways in the bed to play with the comforter, then you pulled the blanket over your head and did a fake little scream for attention and when I pulled it away you gave me a goofy good morning grin that showed off your two front teeth. When I put you on the changing table you lifted you legs when I undid your sleeper so I could change your diaper and then you put them back down when I was done. While I was putting your sleeper back on you, you laughed and flirted until you knew I was done then you flipped on to your side and grabbed your pacifier and tried to put it in your mouth up side down. I sat you in the recliner like a big girl while I made you a bottle and you had a nice conversation with yourself while you waited, when I came back you were laying on your tummy trying to get the remote. After your bottle, while Mommy put on her makeup for work you were sitting Auntie Mel's lap trying to grab your feet and it occured to me that you are so sure of yourself... and so big.

I could not imagine 5 months ago that you'd be eating from a spoon, have favorite toys and know what time I was supposed to be home from work. But every night that I am late you get upset until I arrive, always around the same time. And every night you eat your mushy little foods, squashes, sweet potatoes and pears and I wonder what it will be like in another 5 months.

You are beautiful and vibrant when you are awake. Aware of everything around you, you always find something to amuse yourself with and you interact with everyone around you. But my favorite times are at night when you are sleeping, your skin goes a little paler, your breathing gets deep and you sink into me and I am consumed by my love for you. At that moment, I understand, no greater thing will I ever do than be your Mommy. And even at 5 months old you make me swell with pride.

And then I woke up

This morning I woke up heartbroken. My daughter has decided Daddy is warm and all night last night she cuddled up next to him with her little left hand either wrapped in his hair or stuck in his beard. And I slept, ALONE, on my side of the bed. I woke up 20 times last night and got up this morning to have a giant panic attack and cry in the bathroom while I did my hair.

Just yesterday she slept next to me, her little body squished up against my side and her face pressed into my left bossum. Her little right hand would hold on to my nightgown or slip under my pjs so she knew i wasn't leaving.

God I miss yesterday.

Wonder

I see it in her eyes. It's her curious nature. It oozes out when she smiles and it drips from her like the curiousity that finally got to the cat. Within moments of being anywhere new she is instantly aware of what is around her. She reads which adults she can wrap around her fingers, which things she can get her tiny little hands on and what she has no interest at all in. And then as usual for a baby of her age something grabs her...and for a moment she'll sit there and wonder, what is that? Sometimes she figures it out, sometimes she doesn't but that little moment of pause that strikes me as pure and wonderful. How long has it been since you just looked at something. I mean REALLY looked at something.

Plan B

Optimistically my husband and I thought we might still be able to go to Disneyland for my birthday in March like the 2 years before, but unfortunately finances won't quite be lined up then so I find myself tonight sitting at a computer thumbing around for a plan B.

Of course there will be a party here at home but I'm tired of the same old thing. It's time to throw a little fun into the mix. I'm thinking of either a "come as a character from your favorite movie" party or perhaps a "rock star" party where I have everyone come as a rock and roll persona and we rent a karoake machine.

There is also the option of driving down to see Jon's cousin that weekend instead. Her big 3 0 is the day after my birthday but I don't think we can swing the travel time with my new job.

So which would you rather be a rock star or a movie star? Help me pick my theme would ya?

Snow

So I had grand intentions of writing some wonderful blog this weekend to make up for the fact that I never really have time to blog anymore...and then my mom came over and watched our daughter for us to have a date night...and then we got up the next morning and drove to Yosemite to see the snow with the baby and the in-laws. Needless to say... it was a busy weekend and now I'm too tired to blog. But I'll live you with this nice scenery shot to make up for it.

My Mommy Tagged Me

Four things about me that you may or may not know.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Hostess
2. Renaissance Faire Sword Vendor
3. Office Manager
4. Clerical Administrative Director

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
2. Hot Fuzz
3. Harry Potter (the first one)
4. Princess Bride

Four places I have lived:
1. San Mateo, California
2. Crows Landing, California
3. Turlock, California
4. Modesto, California

Four TV Shows that I watch:
1. Criminal Minds
2. Ghost Whisperer
3. Ghose Hunters
4. WWE Raw

Four places I have been:
1. Tiajuana
2. Humbolt/Mendocino Coasts
3. Disneyland
4. Lost in my imagination

Four people that email you the most (at home)
1. My Mommy
2. Aubrey Anne (the queen of the forward)
3. automated baby sites
4. Old Navy's marketing department (I think they're stalking me)

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Chicken Tacos
2. Cream Tuna on Toast
3. Potato & Eggs like Mommy makes
4. Chocolate Mice from Old Town Pasteries

Four places I would rather be right now
1. with my daughter
2. with my husband having an adult conversation
3. on vacation with a margarita in hand
4. some place cool and dark taking a nap

Four things that I am looking forward to this year:
1. getting to know my daughter
2. developing a stronger marriage
3. traveling
4. being with Friends

Dirty Dozen

I got tagged for this dirty dozen MIME thing and I figure it's nice, quick and easy so I'll do it because lately I haven't been posting or commenting on other people's blogs much.

1-- the number of things that I have done that I regret in my life.
2-- the sum of how many weeks I have been at my new job.
3-- the total times I thought about showering and getting dressed today before I actually did it.
4-- how many months my daughter has had me wrapped around her little finger.
5-- the month of the year that I always hate the most because it's too busy.
6-- how many drinks it takes before I'm willing to sing in front of a bar.
7-- approximately the number of times I think about money in an hour.
8-- perhaps the only number on this list I had to stop and think about and I couldn't come up with anything for.
9-- the month in which my husband and I will celebrate our 2 year anniversary by having lot's of loud sex somewhere away from our child.
10-- the number of times I think about doing things and then get interrupted by a little person.
11-- how many years it's been since I thought I looked good in a pair of jeans.
12-- the number of hours I spent at work yesterday.