Sometimes a bible story hits a little too close to home. Sometimes you can't relate to something at all. Sometimes you sit and think about a particular story over and over and over. Sometimes you wonder if you will ever get to feel something that a character in the bible has felt.
For me that sometimes is Hannah. Hannah was barren. She prayed to the Lord and the Lord after many, MANY, many years made Hannah a mother to the prophet Samuel. When her child was born Hannah promised to raise him to rejoice in the Lord and she cried out in thanks and rejoicing...
1 Samuel 2:1 Then Hannah prayed and said: "My heart rejoices in the LORD; in the LORD my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance."
Hannah had been criticized by her family, she had be criticized by her friends and she had been criticized by her community for inability to have a baby. In the bible Hannah got snide comments from people showing her just how low they thought she was because she could not concieve. I wonder sometimes how much Hannah would have rejoiced if the attacks she felt weren't so obvious. I wonder if she would have rejoiced as loud.
But I know the answer. I can relate. I'm less than 3 months into my own fertility battle and I know exactly how much Hannah is longing for a baby of her own. I can feel in my heart how even the smallest non-caring comment can rattle a person down to the depth of their being. I can understand how sometimes her faith must have seemed unstable and her will to want seemed to push her will to follow God.
I can hear the things not written in this bible passage. I can hear the voices in her head that tell her to do whatever it takes battling with the voices that tell her to trust in the Lord and follow his will. I can feel the tears that she tries to hide everytime she thinks it's time for a baby and it's not. I can understand that anxiety that comes with knowing that your husband is there for you but that he can't feel what your feeling. And I wonder... will others hear my voice when I rejoice or will they hear all the things I was too weak to admit before.
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1 comment:
Hannah's story has always been close to my heart as well, although I can't remember exactly why. It's been my favorite Bible story since I was ten. I think it's because Hannah had a mother's heart even without a child in her arms... and all I've ever wanted to be is a mother.
I think her story also highlights God's special tenderness towards women. Hannah found courage and comfort in her God, and she felt strengthened and adored by Him.
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