me = unemployed

So my 3 month battle with working for the dark side is finally over. This morning I was terminated within minutes of walking in the door. I have no references, I have no employment prospectives but my stomach doesn't hurt for the first time in 3 months and "in God I trust" so I think we'll be just fine.

I have 5 weeks of paid family leave left and according to the woman at PFL most people take that before their unemployment so I'm all signed up for that already. After that's gone (if I don't have another job) I'll be signing up for the UI that I've been paying into my whole life.

As for today, the hubby and I are both off so we're going to enjoy some TV time and baby time and get some laundry done. Tomorrow there is a job fair that I plan on going to. I don't have a plan but I do have hope, and that's all a girl really needs.

The Thin Line

This evening I took the last of the potatoes and the last of the eggs and made dinner. We're officially parents now. Instead of lunch this week we'll be buying one more thing of formula and one more package of baby wipes (which all the sudden we go through 3 times as many of). It's ok though. We both get paid at the end of the week.

Jon told me a few weeks ago that he was tired of being an adult. I can't say I disagree but I think the advantages of being a parent and a grown up far outway the disadvantages. I often wonder though if that feeling ever goes away... you know the one where you just feel like you're pretending to be an adult because you know you are one and that's what adults are supposed to do. I mean are our parents in their 50's thinking... man I still want to be 16 but dang it I'm an adult or does it go away after awhile.

Speaking of things that go away after awhile... has anyone seen my sex drive? I think I lost it right about the time I lost my stretch mark free stomach and limitless budget. Anyhow... if you find it could you give it to Jon he's been trying to find it. I mean I could care less but the guy is going to get rather testy about it eventually. You know how boys get when they lose things.

The new job is going well. People ask all the time. The truth is I'm good at it, they seem to like me and it's challenging. It's just going to take awhile to either adapt to the crazy way they do things or have a hostile take over until they do things my way.

In the interim... if anyone needs me I'll be the one standing on a tight rope above insanity trying to pretend like it's not scary.

That Familiar Tightness

Last night I figured out that we won't be getting a tax return. That's ok though because in a few months we'll be all caught up. It's just this month that I'm worried about, that familiar space between the old paycheck and the new job is a tight space that feels like it's closing in sometimes.

The hubby as always says "there's a plan, stop worrying about it" but I come from a long line of worriers and it's just in my nature so he chuckles every time I pull out a piece of paper and a pen and hatch out that temporary budget again. What else could he do? Nothing. Just like me he's stuck in what is.

Oh what a different $500 could make right now. But there isn't $500 and there won't be... so instead we'll sit in this tight spot a month or two longer....waiting for the future to become the present and the room to open up.

Oh My It's an Update Blog

I know I haven't been blogging very much but between the new baby and Christmas coming up it's been chaos over here. So this is the random update blog that we've all come to know and love from busy mommy bloggers.

This week has been down right crazy. I had the flu, then the baby had the flu, then I had an interview for a dream job and then the baby got a rash all over her body and had to go to urgent care...only to find out it's nothing. The hubby and I did sneak in a few hour road trip to the Crab Shack in Sacramento and a walk around Old Town to fill in some of the humm drumm of a vacation we ended up not going on.

This weekend we were looking forward to Christmas tree lane and returning to church but it looks more likely that we will spend Sunday at home watching WWE on pay per view and eating tacos.

I have a second interview (final interview) for the dream job. They are down to me and one other candidate. I really want this job so I've been praying very hard about it. If I don't get it I'll be back on the hunt by the middle of next week and putting out more applications.

I've been blessed in that everything here seems to be under God's graceful umbrella still. I got an extension on my disability checks which was a huge blessing with Christmas time being here and me not having a job. I've had a few interviews and good response. I actually turned down one job offer because it was a bad fit for a new mommy. But I'm optomistic that in the New Year I'll be able to pay my debts and balance out the chaos some.

Some of you know we gave my cat away a few weeks ago. We thought it was making the baby sick and sure enough my kid is allergic to cat dander. We get a runny knows when cat people come over or we go to Grammi's house but now that there is no cat at home there is no snot issues and no random itchy skin patches. That was also a blessing.

This week I'm planning out Christmas dinner and putting the finishing touches on a few hand made gifts. I can't wait for Christmas to come and to spend it with my daughter and husband. I also can't wait for a few other things to come that haven't happened yet this month.... yea we're still waiting on that.

So I think that's about it. Please pray about my interview and job quest if you have time. Also pray for Layla's lovely rash to go away and then have a few christmas cookies and write your letter to Santa.

The face of the flu

Night before last I awoke at 2 am with the sort of stomach pain you always pray you'll never had. If I had an appendics I would have thought it had ruptured. I made my husband rub my back, and then my front. I walked around. I took a hot shower. I sat in the dark and cried. I eventually threw up. The next morning the pain was gone but I had the flu. I was miserable for about 14 hours and now it's tapering off.

Except- now Layla has the same flu. There has been curdled baby vomit on my clothes most of the day and she insists on one of us holding her. I know she has what I had because she rolls around whining and crying and then once she throws up or goes potty she's happy as a lark playing on her play mat again.

I figure I've got about 3-4 more hours of this yuckiness before it passes for her too. Only I've got a job interview tomorrow so I guess she'll just have to stay home with Daddy while I go off to try and get a job. Poor daddy.

The Rat Race

Interviews, interviews and not a job to be offered. Ok that's not true. I got offered one job but I don't want it because it doesn't have sick time and you can only take your paid vacation (which you get very little off) during a three month window which is retarded.

This week I have 3 interviews. Two of which I already had. Next week I have two more and I have three more resumes to get out this week. I haven't heard from the job I really wanted which I interviewed for on Wednesday but that's ok.

So far God has been providing for us in ways we didn't see coming. And we are ever so appreciative that although it's tight we're not screwed yet by my not having a job. In fact we're even going to be blessed with a normal Christmas.

So we keep charging on. I keep sending out resumes and applications and Jon keeps going to work every day and coming home to listen to me worry about money while we watch Law and Order.

This weekend we'll be lucky enough to be too busy to worry. It's a weekend of friends and family and I can't wait. And next week we might go on a road trip to visit a cousin between interviews.

With our cat being sent off to live with someone else my daughters issues with dry skin rashes and snotty noses have completely gone away. It's making her much more fun for daddy who was a little frustrated with all the "i need mommy" ness of a baby with snot.

All in all it's been a blessed month. I can't believe I'm saying that but so far it has. I'm also reading a great bible study book which I'll be writing all about when I finish. My cup flows over...so much so I am behind on my blogging. I'll try to be better about that. No really... I will.

6 AM Ramblings

Yesterday was a busy day. I had to run payroll at work, I had a client meeting across town and the power went off half way through training someone. By the time I got home at 4 I was hot, tired and still had a good hour worth of work related stuff to do. It happens sometimes.

The hubby worked the closing shift at work last night so I made my way through the evening talking to my mother on the phone, making myself a simple dinner and watching law & order reruns. When I went to bed at 8:30 I was exhausted.

Perhaps that is why as soon as I went to bed I started having Braxton Hicks contractions. I've had them off and on all night, never quite comfortable, never 100 % asleep. It is 6 am and 45 minutes ago I gave up on sleeping altogether.

I have a client presentation today and a company meeting I am in charge of tomorrow. As you already know the weekend is completely booked. I'm hoping this sleeping problem goes away tonight because otherwise I might look very poorly by my OBGYN appt Tuesday afternoon.

The best part? If you are up at 6 am there is nothing to eat, nothing on tv and you can't make any noise because the hubby wants to sleep. So what do you do at 6 am? You work. From home.

God I'm pathetic.

Do Over Day

Today was the infamous do over of my glucose test. Today was also the day I got to do over two things I had previously had done at work. At least I thought I had them done till someone informed me I was doing them over.

All in all, if I make it through this week I'm going to develop a large head...a swelled ego...a huge burst of confidence...ok more like an intense desire to take a nap.

Tomorrow I get to run a company worth of payroll, attend two meetings and do a client demo. The next day I get to prep for an event, do a client meeting and update my staff for while I'm out. The day after that I have a huge company meeting and a huge sales meeting. Saturday is my baby shower and my husband's birthday party (and the caterer just canceled for his party) and Sunday is my sister in laws baby shower which I am throwing (and totally ready for yo!). Monday is a holiday and I will the person laying on the couch in a near coma if anyone needs me because Tuesday I have a full work day and an OBGYN appt where hopefully I will be pulled from work and put on maternity leave...because if I'm not... I'm going to cry.

Going Nuts!

Last night, I co-ordinated a company picnic for my work which involved a BBQ, kids activities and tickets to see the Modesto Nuts play the San Jose Giants (both minor league teams in our local area).

The event was a huge success, everyone had fun that I talked to and for the first time the spouses and kids of our employees got to see some of the fun side of working for the small company that I work for. I was proud of myself. I had a great time talking to employees and spouses and watching the game.

The thing is... I spent most of the time at the game missing my dad. My dad and I shared many summers of little league baseball games where he coached and I kept score. The smell of the hot-dogs and nachos, the cool night breeze, the crack of the bat and the yell of the crowd. That will always be one of those places that makes me homesick.

I called my dad this morning just to see how he was. He'll never know why. He'd probably think I was nuts if I told him anyhow. And then I got online to look at baseball tickets next year...because I'm so going to buy tickets for my daddy to take my daughter to her first baseball game.

Good. Intentions

I had every intention of putting up pictures of the new house and nursery today but our email is still down at home and I didn't bring my camera cord with me to work so I guess you'll all have to wait that out a little while longer.

Today has been a long work day. I had a lot of stuff to get done and I have a client meeting this afternoon so my day is shot from 2:00 p.m on. I should expect that to be a regular occurance from now until I get off on maternity leave I suppose. But it's less than 20 days out so I think I can manage.

Things just keep randomly jumping into my schedule and I can't seem to ward them off. Like the cable guy who came to fix my internet last night. He stayed a whopping 6 minutes and then scheduled someone else for today. Inconvenience...that's what the cable company is all about.

Or perhaps you can get a good laugh out of the fact that during the last 4 minutes of my lunch break I squeezed my cup too hard and blasted myself with soda so I had to run home really fast and change before I came back in. I don't think a client will feel I'm very professional if I'm covered in food, have swollen feet and smell of Del Taco.

Things just keep coming up... every day. But, I guess that's what adult life is about. I suppose it's very adult for someone to shatter your world and then to write you an email like nothing ever happened. I suppose it's very adult to want to smother the cable guy. I suppose it's very adult to need to pay bills tonight. I guess I was just hoping to spend a week acting like I was 7. I suppose that's the most adult thing of all...wanting to be a kid again.

Too Good

Sometimes, the worst thing to be is good at your job. This morning I had a meeting with one of the execs at my company. Then an employee was selected for termination and I had to run their paperwork. That employee was my brother-in-law.

He tried to call on his way to his meeting with his boss. I didn't answer the phone. I was professional with my prep of paperwork. I was professional with the company exec and then I was open and honest with him in a professional manner.

I was proud of myself for maintaining company policy so well. But, a little piece of my heart broke.

Plan? What Plan?

So today I got a call from one of the girls at work who is out on medical leave. Turns out she'll be out for 6-8 additional weeks. She wasn't a great employee and she didn't retain training well. I think it's time to cut her ties. The thing is that I feel a little bad about it. Not because she was a good employee but because she was a good person. And again... I have guilt.

At the same time today is my best employee's birthday. In the last year she has went from helpful to absolutely necessary for day to day office function. I see her struggling along side me to pick up the slack from being two people understaffed and I'm proud of her. I want to do right by her. I want to get her some help before I'm out on maternity leave. And again, I have guilt.

My guilt lies in my own perception. I think I can make a plan and it will happen. When the plan stops working I feel guilty. When I feel guilty I make more plans...and then the circle continues.

Just once I'd like things to happen the easy way but, if they did, would I know what to do next...without my circle of guilt.

Patience

Romans 15:30I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.

23 Weeks

This week has been the worst week imaginable. Poor little Layla has been living in the travel center known as mom. I spent Monday planning for the worst with an employee going out on leave at work and then I left Monday night for a three day training session in a town a few hours away. Three days of hotel food, 8 hour seminar days and lots and lots of bad food later I packed my stuff into my car in the 105 degree heat and headed back home.

My husband has been in his own whirlwind, preparing for our friends K & J wedding this weekend and trying to keep me from breathing into paper bags. Right now he's at home doing laundry in a house where the air conditioning doesn't seem to be working correctly.

The landlord promised someone would be out to fix the air yesterday...today in my livingroom it was 86 degrees...too bad the thermostat was set to 68... sigh.

Tonight after work I'm going to do something I haven't done since I got pregnant. I'm going to get my nails done and get a pedicure. I think I earned it with my horrible week, plus they have air conditioning there. Then we're going out to dinner where there will also be air conditioning and then after that to play pool (one of my favorite things to do) where there is ... you guessed it... air conditioning.

As for Layla, she's fine. She likes wiggling more and more as time goes on and she's taken to making me cough unexpectedly by bouncing off my lungs when I least expect it. She moves more when I eat spicy foods or drink frozen drinks. But right now, we're both hot...so if you need me I'll be taking a nap in the storage room at work with my head in the freezer.

Introducing Idiots

Yesterday, while I was out sick (morning sickness kicked my tooshie this weekend) I had the pleasure of work calls forwarding to my cell phone. One of the calls that I got was a man claiming to be Todd King with the EDD asking for a reference for someone I terminated a few weeks ago.

I've terminated lots of people in my time doing HR and Office Manager jobs. This was the first time EDD asked me for a reference. Highly suspicious of the fact that they would call me I said I declined to give reference and that any paperwork needed for an EDD claim could be faxed to me. The person said ok and hung up. I thought about how akward it was that they didn't ask for my fax number. I then promptly decided that I didn't care and went back to watching Oprah talk about Grammar Girl's Website (which I've always thought was pretty cool).

When I got to work today I got a forwarded call from someone in my office via email (we can do that in my office). The call was also from Todd King and he said as follows "Hi my name is Todd King uhh I have an application thing in front of me I was Um just wondering about the reasons is for this lady's firing. I'm not supposed to indulge the name over the name over the phone. If you could I would let you allow me to call you back I would. Alright bye." (no that's not bad typing that's really what it said I listened to it while I typed it)

I laughed a little to myself because I suddenly knew who "Todd King" was. The caller ID identified them on my phone as the cell phone number of the boyfriend of a girl I let go (after being part time for 3 weeks). His name is not Todd King. Todd King died 7 years ago. Todd King does not work for the EDD. I just called and turned him in.

So "Todd" here's some idiot pointers for you next time you decide to break federal law.

1. DO NOT call from your cell phone when that number is listed as the persons other contact number.
2. DO NOT use the name of a dead local person. Other people will know they are dead too.
3. DO NOT pretend to be a government official.
4. You can not indulge a name. You can divulge it.
5. EDD people don't check references via phone.
6. EDD people do leave their phone numbers and tell you who they are calling about.
7. An application thing is probably a pencil or perhaps a clip board. Not an application.
8. In order to get a job with the EDD you have to be able to speak clearly. You take a grammar tests. You know that the reasoning for that is to determine that you understand saying "reasons for firing" wouldn't sound professional.
9. I do not allow you to call me back. Thanks for asking. Now if only you had asked me when I was there I could avoid having to call you a fraud when you call back.

Pisser huh.

Oh and for the record "Todd" I gave your girlfriend a termination letter. It listed her reason for termination. You should ask her to let you read it. It tells her how to get an employment reference on it.

4.5 Day Weekend

I ended up taking a half day on Thursday due to my ultrasound being in the afternoon. I didn't go into work on Friday because I was doing prescription filling and feeling rather under the weather due to the flux of hormones. Saturday and Sunday I spent home in various forms of pjs and sweats and today is President's Day. Ironically, this is one of the few holidays my work actually gives us.

Tomorrow I'll be back at work. My life has changed a lot in the last two weeks and it was good to have a few days to catch up on my rest and the laundry. Last night Jon did dishes for me and I went to bed early...soaking up the last of my little weekend off won't be hard.

Next week work is supposed to be chaos. In a way, I'm thankful because it will be a distraction from the two week wait for a second ultra sound. I have a new hire, a possible new hire and a company meeting on Friday to prep. I'll be nice and busy.

Lately I am struck by the awe fairy. There I'll be making dinner or watching tv and it will hit me. There's a baby in there. It's funny even after a short battle with fertility how off guard it can catch me. How baffled I can be by it when I think about it. How careful we are with our hope...

Grinch

Just call me the Grinch that stole Christmas because I am done. I sat in my office today across the hall from the new girl while she told the boss no one had ever trained her on something she had done with me once and once with the girl at the front desk. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t lying to be deceitful… I think instead that she honestly doesn’t retain information for very long.
After the great advice from a few of my readers and a few of my friends I confronted her yesterday with the actual parameters of work ethics. It’s ok not to know something but it’s not ok to not learn it. It’s ok to need help, it’s not ok not to take notes and ask for the same help repeatedly.

Today I emailed my boss. He told me to have patience. Luckily he and I have the same lack of patience when it comes to this sort of thing so he said if he starts to notice it he’ll start bringing it up too. I’m sure that won’t take long. He pointed out that his mother had 15 book keeping customers but was pretty much computer illiterate except for the program she did her book keeping in. I’m sure that’s fine if you are full time book keeper for a place that knew that when they hired you but I’m trying to picture his mother telling someone she “opps must have not written that down” for the 3rd time in the same day.

I’m pretty sure that’s bad business. On the upside I’ve noticed that her accounting knowledge is pretty high even though her confidence is pretty low about using it. We’ll be working on that. Other than driving me crazy she seems to work well with the rest of the administrative team. So perhaps I need to pray for more patience.
My grandmother used to swear that if you pray for patience the only way that God can give you more compassion and patience is to test you. Repeatedly. I’m not sure I’m up for that. I recently prayed for a reprieve from stagnant Christianity and I faced infertility, financial strapping and family drama all in the same day. The next day I got a totally different job. The day after that my husband’s schedule went all wonky and I got a new hire. I’m terrified to pray for patience… least my testing get twice as hard and my life twice as dramatic.

Oh and for those of you who want to know how the hormonal front is going. I haven’t had a period in 2 months. I’m pretty sure I spent $100 peeing on sticks though. Nothing. I’m officially broken. I have an appointment tomorrow for a feminine lube and filter change. Perhaps I’ll know more then.

Tonight my friend J and I are going to an event at my church (link in the sidebar) to see Judy Howard Peterson the woman who walked the entire length of America doing God’s will. That should be fun and if it’s not afterwards we’ll take a cruise down Christmas tree lane and have cocoa. Nothing beats lights and cocoa when you’re bored in December…what it’s not December?? Then why is my car frosty every morning when I head to work? Oh…one more day… fine we won’t look at the lights till tomorrow.

False Advertising- The Human Exchange

I have a horrible time loving people well under certain circumstances. I can not find my compassion for instance when someone is using false advertising to make themselves seem needed. I recently hired a new person to work on my team at the office. New girl seemed great in interviews, charming, personable and she said she had all the necessary skills.

It's been a week and already I have a list of red flags as long as my arm. What do you mean you don't know how to use email? Are you serious... everyone knows how to copy a file?! And my personal favorite... why are you still standing there over an hour after I asked you to do something like you have nothing to do!!

Oh sure she's friendly but it's hard to focus on how nice someone is when I'm being blindsighted every two minutes by the thought of "but she said she could do that during the interview". I'm not talking complicated stuff either. Things like open the network drive. Copy these files to a USB. Send that to me in email. Easy stuff- stuff my god daughter probably can do and she's 7.

It scares me. I picked her. I picked her out of 20 people. I picked her based on the information she gave me. It makes me upset. Upset at her false advertisement and even more upset at how gullible I have become with old age. I saw what I needed to see. I saw what I wanted to see.

I need a peacemakers class. I'm snappy and irritable. She doesn't get it. She thinks I'm just being mean I'm sure. I'm hormonal already this week and I'm going through home drama but I had expectations. I expect at the very least for people to be who they tell me they are.

What would you do? Have you been in this situation?