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Today was my last "day shift" at work for awhile... you know... like a year. I celebrated in true adult style...I bought a snack from the vending machine, gave myself hives, and had to take benadryl...not once...but twice in order to get the swelling in my head to go down. I eventually finished my shift, stumbled home and took an hour nap. Then Jon and I went to the grocery store, and got dinner (since I had a migraine)...now that the babies are in bed and the house is cool and quiet I feel a little better (or at least like I am not dying).



I have grand plans for tomorrow and the rest of my last weekend off for 4 weeks (also I work 8 days next week so that should be interesting). Plans like cleaning house, sorting baby laundry, hanging out in my pajamas, possibly walking to the park and letting the girls play in the grass and playground.



Jon's car died, so we've been down to one car for a few weeks now. It's a special kind of interesting juggling two opposite (yet overlapping) schedules. Tomorrow I won't have a car. Sometimes not having a car has perks, for instance, it's not like I can be expected to go somewhere this weekend with two kids and nothing to drive.



In other interesting points of note, I recently volunteered to work Thanksgiving and the day after. My shift is at 10 pm so it's not like that will muck up my turkey day plans and holiday pay is always pleasant, plus I'm the "new" girl so I think it probably looks nice. I've started gathering my Turkey Day supplies, I wish there was room in my freezer for a turkey because those are really inexpensive at Safeway this week.



Family pictures are scheduled for next week. The girls both need jackets. I can't find my tiny travel diaper bag. These are the things on my mind at 10:15 pm on a Friday night, this means I am officially a boring adult, right?

Layla has decided that she must verbally narrate every single thing that happens all day long. I feel like there is a sports commentator following me whereever I go. While I know that this is a stage in development, it is officially driving me and Jon crazy. CRAZY. crazy.



Lastly, Anyah's 6 month old appointment was this week. She's 17.4 lbs. She is 26.5 inches long. She's 65% for height and 50% for weight. Perfectly average but a tiny bit tall. She is ahead on milestones (sitting up, swapping things hand to hand, rolling speed). The Doctor confirmed her cat allergy treatment again. He also encouraged my co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and table food giving parenting tactics. I love our pediatrician.



So that's it here. Every thing changing, growing, adapting, loving...

Out Back

It's that time of year again... park time. I hate being hot so when the Autumn weather kicks in and it's finally cool again we find ourselves at the park. Any park will do. We've been to three parks in the last week.

Swings. Slides. Shady spots to look at the trees. Running as fast as you can on cool clipped grass. Things we'd do in the backyard every day if only we had a real back yard.

So for now... the park is our backyard...when we can find time to go there.

Hall-O-EENN

Layla can't say Halloween...she says "hall O Eenn" and she would rather you said trick or treat and she gave you candy... but she was still the most spirited pixie I've ever seen... there was a lot of dancing going on in this costume.

It was like something out of a fairy tale, watching a little girl experience life...

And Anyah was a true kitten, all playful one minute and then sassy the next minute...

But, like any good 6 month old she was 'purr-fect' once she got some treats in her tummy...

And me? Well I had a wicked good time too... the hubby (not pictured) went with us trick or treating some local family and we truly enjoyed most of our Halloween.

Hope you and yours had a Happy Halloween!

*one more thing off the list*

Autumn List...Check & Check

I wanted them to attend a Halloween carnival or festival. We ended up at the Downtown Turlock Harvest Festival Farmer's Market...There were balloon animals, music, trick or treat candy and pizza for dinner so I think it totally counts...

We also made it out to Pa's ranch finally, only it rained the day we went so we settled for visiting horses and feeding them instead of riding them...

Two more things off our Autumn list...

My Christmas Wishlist

I would like the Supernatural Deluxe Charm Bracelet made by Laughing Vixen and available on Etsy.

I would like two of the sets of silver finger print charms sold by smudgeprint on Etsy. This is probably my most desired item this year.

I keep putting a True Jelly Roll Pan like this one from Target on my Christmas list every year.

I want more Sinful Perfume from Anchor Blue.

I still need the first 4 Mercy Thompson Books by Patricia Briggs in hardcover.

I think I'd look charming in an XL Cupcake T-Shirt by Bakerella.

I would like Old Navy gift certificates because I could honestly use more clothing that fits.

Ten on Tuesdays

Almost every Tuesday I see Ten on Tuesdays on Courtney's blog because she's a regular contributor so I hopped over about a month ago to Roots & Rings to check it out and I decided I really liked that blog, too...so now they are both in the blog reader and you know what... I wanna play too!!

So here is my first Ten on Tuesdays...

1. What is your favorite decor item in your house?

I am a big fan of pictures. We obviously have pictures of both of our daughters, of our friends, of places we've been and of our wedding... I love walking down memory lane no matter where I look.

2. What is your favorite hair product?

I use Dove shampoo, Dove conditioner, and Dove detangler... I am a Dove girl. Products, I really don't use those. I tend to put my hair in two pig tails every day, that doesn't really lead to an addiction to styling products.

3. Are you a good dancer?

That depends, are you 3? Because I can rock the hokie pokie or I'm a Little Tea pot. Just sayin'. But, as far as adult dancing goes... I'm alright unless I've been drinking in which case I think I'm awesome and you might want to get out your camera for black mail later.

4. You get some good news, who’s the first person you call?

Call? Um... I text. I would send a text to Jon for sure. Usually I also text my mom and my two best girl friends. I rarely call though.

5. Would you rather take pictures, or be in pictures?

I would rather take the pictures I am in while smashing my face up against someone I love to spend time with. Self portrait for Facebook anyone?

6. What is your shoe style?

I'm a 9 or a 9 and a half which is ironic because before I had kids I was a 10 and usually that works in the other direction. Most of my shoes are flats in various colors although I do have a hot pair of knee high brown boots and a pair of black and white checked high heels that make regular appearances. I prefer to be flat on the ground though because I am not so good with the balance since I developed vision and vertigo problems this year and am usually carrying a baby.

7. How often do you eat out?

That depends, is it September? We usually eat out about once a week. The exception to that is birthdays/anniversaries/celebrations done with other folks. September has always been our hot ticket month. I think this September we ate out more than in.

8. If someone has food in their teeth, do you tell them?

Yes. I would want them to tell me.

9. Do you fold your underwear?

No, in fact I am usually far enough behind on putting laundry away that I just grab them from the nicely sorted basket (now torn to shreds of chaos) my loving husband has washed each week.

10. Milk, dark, or white chocolate?

Milk to eat, dark to cook with and white in my truffles and coffee.

For more Ten on Tuesday you can go here.

Ho Ho Ho & Stuff

61 days or so left until Christmas and boy am I busy... I decided after last years HORRIBLE Christmas experience this year we were going to be getting a head start.

I've already made a list and checked it twice and I've decided (as far as we're concerned) who's been naughty or nice. And while the girls are sleeping all tucked up in their beds I'm scrolling online catalogs for presents and doing wishlists in my head.

The girls big presents have all been taken care of. I will still have a few small things to pick up and stockings to stuff.

Several other gifts have been arranged for or taken care of as well. I want to be done by November 1st. No Black Friday shopping for me this year...at least I hope not.

In other news, I already started the very small list of things I want to do with the girls this winter. I am so looking forward to Christmas that I have been thinking about my own very small wishlist.

Perhaps, I will post my wishlist in the near future...all 10 things on it... lol... good times.

To Anyah @ 6 Months

My Ani,

When did you get so big? I was doing laundry and you decided you wanted to be sitting up on the bed talking in my general direction and waving your sisters old Happy Meal Toy around with wreckless abandon and I was washed over by that feeling... where did the time go? my baby is so big!

It happens to every mom. That moment when the person they used to swaddle close to their chest and whisper quietly to sleep starts rolling over with the speed of a Nascar Racer and the next thing she knows you are sitting on the bed playing while I get something done and as a mommy I have to admit that you are a part of me but that you are not a part of me...you are you. You are your own little you.

So in addition to sitting up you decided this month to cut a tooth all the way. You also decided you HATE baby food. No seriously, HATE! There are 3 flavors (maybe 4) you will tolerate if you are hungry. You prefer bites of what we are eating. You beg and squeel for table scraps. It's cute. And you know what? I feed them to you because in other countries babies eat what everyone else is eating and you my dear are a little tiny part of a global culture...a big big world... and I like following my instincts (and I like the look on your face when you discover a yummy bite of pasta on your tongue).

Likes this month include but are not limited to things that light up (like the toy in this picture), things that make a clicky jingle sound, squeeling, Backyardigans music, riding in the car, the sound of rain, bubble baths, blowing bubbles, the bouncer, squeeling, sitting up, rolling over to your tummy to reach things, squeeling while watching your sister do...um...anything, when Daddy says "ahhh", grabbing people's hair, making motor boat noises, squeeling, socks or blankets that are fuzzy, rice, squeeling...and I think I got everything...did I mention the squeeling.

Dislikes are a short list now-a-days... loud noises, things that make you itchy, baby food, green beans (in any form), mashed potatoes, loud noises, strangers (or family you don't know well) who talk to you, and mostly loud noises.

You're still the little people watcher and I can't wait until those little squeels turn into words and you can finally tell me what you're thinking over there. I mean I am dying to know why you chuckle at people in the grocery store sometimes and why you giggle like crazy at your sister when you roll over and she's sleeping next to you. What's so funny about sleeping? I gotta know, kid, I gotta know.

You a half a year old. A HALF A YEAR! oh my...

when did my baby get so big

While part of me wonders where the time went as it flew past so much quicker than I imagined there is also a part of me that feels like you have always been a part of our family and you've always been here. I am taken aback by pictures before there was you because you are missing, something is missing, you...belong. You will always belong with us. You are a perfect little addition to our group...calm, peaceful, and watching...

Half a year... and already AMAZING and oh so LOVED

Love,
Mommy

Ch Ch Ch Changes...

It's the season of change. Every day it gets a little darker a little earlier. Every day the temperature changes a few degrees cooler and the autumn showers become a little more common place. Every day the foliage outside changes a little more and the colors of summer fade away.

Inside the changes are trickling by as well. Anyah sits up unassisted and she has her first tooth. Layla has mastered unlocking my iPhone and has tripled her vocabulary in the last month. I am training for my emergency certification this month and soon will make the move to working the overnight shift. Jon is making his way down a honey-do-list of car repairs, toy repairs and general unfun that will some day (hopefully) help clear up that cluttered life feeling.

Everything changes and everything remains the same.

When Layla was born I made a commitment to her that I would always stand up for her and support her no matter what happens. I made a commitment to Jon when I married him that I would always be supportive of his life goals and love him faithfully with all of my being. I made a commitment when Anyah was born to teach my daughters about family the way that I remember my grandmother teaching me about family...to invest in a tradition of togetherness and to involve my girls in an everyday life that is meaningful and excepting of who they are.

So I just take it all in. I have a toddler that has more get up and go then anyone I've ever met. The other day someone offended me by joking that Layla needed Ritalin and I simply replied that she was more spirited than most but there shouldn't be anything wrong with living a big life. And I believe that. I believe we live in a culture that teaches people to medicate away parts of themselves because it will make them more "normal" and we forget how beautiful being unique really is.

On the other extreme of that, Anyah is the most watchful and observant child I've ever encountered. She gets upset if she notices someone or something appears to be having a bad time. She can read the vibes in a room in seconds. And because of this her "normal" is one that is keenly aware of every change around us. She may not understand what is happening but I assure you her body language and her appetite can tell you whether or not she thinks there is something worth worrying about.

They change and they grow and yet some parts of them will always be the same, the core parts of who they are and the fundamental building blocks that Jon and I try to invest in them as a culture, as a religious family, as people who are part of a big big world... those things they are starting to show up as statements of opinion and declarations of emotions and that change to little people who know they are part of a big world and can influence it...

It has always been the change I am most eager to see.

It's Coming

I see the weather turning. I feel the chill in the morning. I put little feet into little striped socks and I make sure that the long sleeve shirts and jeans are in the dresser drawers.

Autumn, late arriving as always here, seems to finally be coming to the front lines.

I wait with eager anticipation for the smell of other people burning wood in their fireplaces and I browse the soup recipes and bookmark bread making ideas for once the weather turns the rest of the way (perminantly) and I can turn on the heater and pack away the last of the sandals until next year.

I look at my Halloween decorations and take a deep breath of the Autumn scented candle burning on top of the piano and I know that soon the colors outside will make those inside and I can take Layla to pick apples and to gather leaves for craft projects.

I satisfy the overwhelming desire to stand outside in the rain and listen to the windchimes whipping in the night air by watching yet another movie from my collection of favorites and planning the Thanksgiving menu on my laptop.

I know it's coming... I can sense it... I can feel it in me... it feels like coming home.

Night & Day- Peek a Boo Version

When Layla was little I would cover my face and pop open my hands like shutters and say "PEEK a Boo!!" and she would laugh, kick, giggle and SQUEEL...wash/rinse/repeat. Good times. Fun game. The height of tiny person entertainment.

Also, with Layla she had a lot of tummy trouble from being a premie so we fed her baby mush for a long time. She was probably 9 months old before table food made regular appearances instead of being sneaky bites from people when they thought Mommy wasn't looking. She loved to eat baby food. When we switched to soft table food she loved her mashed potatoes and hated most of the sturdier cooked foods.

So now it's Anyah's turn and I cover my face and she gives me this (what on earth are you doing that for look- see above) and then I pop my hands open and she sighs. But, unjaded I try "PEEK a Boo!!" and she makes bitter beer face and cries.

So I bounce around and play and tickle until she laughs and think... ok she didn't know what to expect maybe I scared her so I'll try a softer approach. Dude- We.Can.Do.This.

I cover my face with her birdie blankie. She whimpers. I say "where's Anyah-bean?" and I start to pull it down (the whimpering continues) and when my face is revealed I say "there she is!" and she twinkles her eyes for about half a second before the single tear escapes her little eye.

I wait 2 weeks. Wash/rinse/repeat.

This baby HATES peek a boo.

She also hates mashed potatoes. This last weekend while at lunch with my mom she got to witness the 'mashed potato face' which is similar to the bitter beer face but with sound effects like a hair ball. Amusing...yes...practical...no. (Least you think it's the table foods so early...she munched down some spinach, a little brocolli and some mushed up pasta-ness and her tummy -and the rest of her for that matter- are just fine).

Today I asked her if she was confused and perhaps thought she was Canadian because everyone likes mashed potatoes. She laughed. I think that's a no.

I honestly believe she is concerned for my sanity when I ask where she is when I clearly know she's right there. I also honestly believe any game where people pop out from behind things is not going to be popular in this house for a long time because the little one...she so doesn't like suprises.

Going Places

Layla is in the "I go too" phase of little kid-hood. So imagine her suprise when she discovered the play area at the mall had little cars that you could pretend to drive. Even better, they had a "Nannie Blue Car" which she immediately recognised and asked me to take her picture in.

She's full of imagination this one. She pretended she drove to the store and got out and asked me if I wanted to walk or ride in the cart. Hopefully, that's a trait we can keep incouraging in her.

Because having imagination and being able to think outside the box isn't something I want my child to grow out of any time soon...preferrably never.

Do you see it?

For the person who asked...yes her hair on top is long enough to do a Fraggle Rock Pony Tail.

(Although, she hated it and I had to take it out pretty quickly but we'll work on that)

Turn Turn Turn

The life clock is ticking away and I find myself grasping for little moments in time trying to hold on to them as tightly as I can only to realize that time is slipping away from me no matter how much I try to catch it.

Layla had her 3 year old pictures this week. She's a totally different kid. Actually that sentence sums up the change...she's a kid now. KID.

Anyah has her 6 month check up next week. SIX MONTHS. Wtf? Didn't we just have a baby like yesterday or something.

Today I went yard sale shopping and out to lunch with my mom and both girls. Anyah sat in the high chair through the whole meal...that was a first. I fed her things off my plate (we live to break baby food rules) and Layla was an absolute pleasure.

I could get used to this. I took pictures to remember. My iPhone ate them.

Tonight Layla was scared to go to bed in her room. Last night right before Jon came to bed something happened (we don't know what) that scared her and she slept in our family bed (4 people + 1 bed= entertaining). Anyhow, tonight he took her upstairs armed with lanterns, glowing pumpkin flashlight, a glow worm doll (the only doll she likes by the way), a few stuffed animals, favorite blankets and best pillows and layed (still fully dressed in work clothes) talking and playing pretend with her until she was comfortable enough to stay in her room alone. I married the perfect man. Yes. I. Did.

Instead a studio picture from Layla earlier this week will have to hold you over. I am off TWO DAYS IN A ROW...be still my heart... tomorrow I might actually get to finally clean the upstairs bathroom, or perhaps do some cooking/baking with my lovely little kid and if that falls through...I'll blog. Because as eager as I am to catch moments and log them here for all of eternity for my children to see...

I'm more eager to just have those moments.

Guess what?

75 Days Until Christmas

I guess I should start shopping for the kids now, right?

Guess What I'm Thanking About

I find myself wondering...pondering really...

What will Layla be willing to eat this year?

Will Anyah like the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce?

Should I make one chocolate cream pie for Jon or two?

Yeah... daydreaming about cooking food for a month from now...totally something I do.

Cajun Turkey, Sourdough Stuffing with Sausage & Apples, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Cranberry Sauce (this year instead of Cranberry Relish), Deviled Eggs, Green Beans with Bacon & Onions (instead of that same old Green Bean Casserole), Homemade Rolls and pies... oh pies... I love to hate pies.

This year I'm cutting back the number of dishes. There are so few of us now and I always over do it. Plus I have 2 kids and I'll be working the graveyard shift. The menu... it's reduced to the best stuff... well what we think the best stuff is.

We'll save the ham, candied sweet potatoes, two extra veggie dishes and the cranberry relish that takes 2 hours to make for a change...instead maybe we'll actually have some room left in our tummies for 2 pieces of pie...

then again maybe not.

Last Straw

Sometimes the worst picture ever is the greatest picture ever...

this is definitely one of those times...

Can I eat that?

Anyah is officially in the "is this edible?" phase... which is interesting for me as a parent because Layla really didn't put things in her mouth...so now it's not "Anyah's first time on the swing" so much as it's "look what Anyah did when I put her on a swing for the first time".

Corn Maze & Pumpkin Patch

Today after Jon and I got off work we headed off to the local (ish) Corn Maze & "pumpkin patch" at Fantozzi Farms in Patterson. Layla had never been to a corn maze and I wanted to let her pick her own pumpkin (even though Nannie brought her "the Great Pumpkin" last week (seriously folks I think that pumpkin weighs 50 lbs).

I must say the corn maze part was fun, even for Anyah who kept bouncing about in the stroller (she was asleep when we got there so I opted out of the sling which would have been less bouncy). She laughed away as we bumped and dodged around the smallest corn maze following Layla and Daddy.

Layla loved the corn maze but was more impressed with the train which was decorated like a cow. I think if we could have just rode that over and over she would have had even more fun. She tried everything once though, the corn seed pit, the tricycle races, climbing the hay bale pyramid... everything but the hay ride, which really didn't look that fun.

It was another item off our Autumn List and I am glad it was. Although next year I think I'll put in a real trip to a different pumpkin patch in addition to the Corn Maze because their pumpkin area left something to be desired...like... the general feel and enjoyment of a pumpkin patch. Stick to the corn maze, no really, stick to the corn maze. Still a fun little family outing, if I do say so myself.

Version 3.0

I swear to you I didn't talk about it for awhile because I didn't want to curse it but it's been a few weeks now and I am quite impressed. Literally, the day after Layla turned 3 she woke up older. She is more independent, more confident, less inclined to argue or throw fits. She is more accepting of her baby sister. She is more willing to try new things. She stopped acting out in the potty department. She decided she can use her words.

She's branched out into a new level of independence where she wants to pick her own clothes, have a say about her own lunch and determine exactly how many times you're going to be reading that doggy book before bed. She decided she sleeps on her futon in her room not her bed, for instance.

But, if that is the price we pay for this brilliant little girl to stay brilliant and happy all day... then let the opinions roll because Mommy and Daddy were SO DONE with terrible two's.

Now....let's just hope it sticks.

Remembering

She laughs just like him when she thinks you're making an ass of yourself. She smiles like him when she is being a goofball. She sticks out her tongue a lot when you try and take your picture, just like him. As the anniversary of his death gets closer... I am reminded of him in a thousand little ways but mostly I am reminded that he will always be a part of me, a part of her... because she was born on his birthday and he's obviously keeping an eye on her...because she's a stinker... just like he was.

Autumn List

Half asleep in September watching Halloween Movies and having popcorn (she didn't want my caramel popcorn) Attending the Fall Festival in Newman and watching it's parade

Feeding the ducks at Donnelly Park in Turlock (no picnic but we brought a snack and had that)

Making Bread with Mommy on an Autumn Day...

Remember the Autumn List? Well in case you forgot it... just wanted to point out the things we've done off of it so far...

And later this week we have plans for the pumpkin patch/corn maze..

I Wear You

Because my hands are full but not as full as my heart. I wear her. Because she feels me breath and she knows she is safe. I wear her. Because the day is long and tasks are many. I wear her. Because my eyes glance over her head at my older child running as fast as she can and I know that the confidence to be an individual who takes risks is born from knowing that someone is always willing to hold you if you fall. I wear her.

I wear her because I wore her sister. I wear her because for centuries we have carried them... on our sides, on our shoulders, in our arms, on our backs and in our hearts. I wear her because there is no path I could walk that hasn't been walked before me and the women who choose this path have also created beautiful little souls.

I wear her because I am a citizen of the world and I want my child to go out into it and experience it...safely.

I wear her because there is no safer place than Mommy. And, as I grow as a mother... my confidence in standing up next to those I am proud to call my own has grown.

So I wear her...

And I am not alone.

**If you are a babywearer, or you've ever been a babywearer, or you want to be a babywearer some day I highly recommend Adventures in Babywearing's Call to Action for Babywearing awareness**

Wednesday

Today, due to rotation, I am off work. Today is my Saturday. Ironically, Sunday is my Sunday. So the split week...it has it's ups and downs. The upside is you have a day mid week to do things occassionally. The downside is when that happens it's several days until you're second day off. Not having two days off in a row, often times feels like you didn't have any days off. Losing this problem is one of the many things I am looking forward to about changing my job.

Today, the girls woke up VERY early. Anyah woke up when Jon left the house at 4 am for work. Layla only slept until 6:20. It was an early day. We stumbled downstairs in the "still darks" and we snuggled under quilts with the front door open (Layla insisted) and watched Olivia in the dark.

Eventually, we crawled out of our warm and cozy cuddles to try out a new roll recipe and make home made bread. Yummy! It worked out pretty well but we'll have to triple the batch for holidays and I want to practice it a few more times before Halloween.

Then we laid on the floor and played together. Me, my girls, and a pile of doggy treat shaped graham crackers... it was quiet. It was lovely. Eventually, Anyah took a nap in her crib and Layla got dressed. There was lunch...which Layla made for herself. Then Layla took a nap and Anyah played on the floor.

I talked on the phone to one of my girlfriends. I texted with people. I played words with friends. I had a long talk with an old church friend. Naps ended. I shared a Pepsi with Layla.

We put our shoes on. I took the girls to the craft store to get a feather for my "indian" costume for work tomorrow. Layla spotted a witch (a lovely woman in goth attire, with a tattoo and jet black hair). She yelled "a witch, mom, a witch, a real witch, look a witch" while pointing. I didn't die from embarrassment, I made her apologize for yelling at someone. She said sorry. Ironically, she wasn't being mean, she loved the witch. She probably would have let her come home with us. I would have let her come home with us. She was a HOT witch and she was hella cool. She was a bigger girl and she was beautiful. I hope she knows that, I wish I had told her.

Then a girls day at the park. We fed ducks salt free saltine crackers. Layla called the geese "giraffe ducks". We ran on the grass. There was a multi-school track event at the park. We watched other people run as we walked all the way across the park to get to the playground from our parking spot in hell the sun. I wore Anyah in the sling. She chewed on my braids and made happy noises at kids running around beneath us on the big wooden playground. She stared into the trees. Layla yelled "it's so fun" about 11 times at the top of her lungs. She hugged another little kid who then proceeded to chase her up and down a bridge at least 12 times.

We went hunting for shapes and much to Layla's suprise ended up back at the car (I'm a tricky Mommy) then we strapped up and went home to make Daddy dinner while Layla sang a song about ducks and slides. Anyah managed to get her hands on her socks and pulled one off. No one cried...we left the park and NO ONE CRIED. Parents everywhere just gave me 2 thumbs up.

At home I made tacos and we all ate dinner. Jon tinkered with the desk top computer. I downloaded pictures from my phone/camera. Anyah went to bed. Then I took a shower. Then after some Animaniacs and gold fish crackers Layla went to bed with her little lantern. The dishes got done. The floor didn't get redone (we just did it 3 days ago but those darn goldfish are everywhere).

The door is open and the candle that is burning smells like fall. I am excited to think that Christmas shopping, turkey leftovers and twinkling lights are going to slowly start making appearances in every day life. I don't even mind that I have to work a half day on Saturday because I know when I get off I am taking my big girl to the corn maze.

I find Autumn to be refreshing. I find the cool air stirs up things inside myself I almost forgot to acknowledge. And I day dream... not of things far off that I'll never get...but of things near by that I never want to forget...

Like how just another Wednesday could be the perfect day.

Day & Night... months later

This little one, she's usually quiet. She hates being cold. She doesn't like having her feet covered. She sleeps on her side. She loves warm water. She hates change when she's already content.

This one, she is always talking. She loves running through cold sprinklers and playing in pool. She likes big fuzzy blankets that cover her from head to toe. She sleeps sprawled out in one of 30 different positions that can make 37 inches of human cover an ENTIRE queen sized bed. She loves playing in the bath so long the water gets cold. She is a state of constant change/ perpetual adventure and constant motion.

My girls they keep us on our toes. Then again we did buy the big one skates all on our own...so perhaps we just like being on our toes.

But it's so cute when she says Skapes instead of skates... how could we not?

And the baby...she's just all sorts of cuddly lately. She may grow out of that someday so I am enjoying it as much as I can...

Plus it's so cute when she giggles when she knows you're gonna lay down with her in bed... how could you not?

To Layla at 3 Years Old

Ohh Laylabug,

At your 3rd birthday party we all gathered around the cake and sang "happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear layla bug happy birthday to you" and then you puckered up and attempted to blow out your # 3 candle (and then blew it out with help from your friends/papa)... it took all of 3 seconds for you to stick one finger up in the air over your hair and yell "ONE MORE TIME"... and we did... one more time... because who can walk away from such a beautiful request for celebration of life. One more song, one more candle, one more hug, one more kiss, one more silly dance, one more minute to cuddle in the morning, one more moment to marvel at what a beautiful little sense of what you love you have already developed.

I hope that your vivacious nature never tames itself. I hope that you always have enough joy and confidence to throw your hands in the air and scream at life "ONE MORE TIME".

You're smart, funny, imaginative, alert, confident and oh so loving. If this is the path you manage to stay on for your life you will be one of the most brilliantly beautiful people I've ever known (both inside and out).

I hope you are always this sassy. I hope you are always this honest. I hope your love is always this pure and that your heart stays open to loving every person you know well. I hope that you never learn what it is to doubt yourself for no reason and that you always love the image of beauty that God has created your body & soul to be. I hope that you know what you want and you go get it and that if you ever find that you don't know what you want you're not afraid to try a few things out and see where you land. I hope you have a give um' hell attitude...at least when it really counts.

Daddy is your favorite person on earth. I think the official earth ranking tally is Daddy, Nannie, Mommy, PopPop and then Anyah. In fact I think Daddy would be your favorite thing on the whole planet, except you discovered Doggies...and now he has to settle for a close second. You love Doggies. You get that Doggy love thing from Nannie. Just like you got your sense of adventure from your Daddy and your love of the kitchen from your mommy.

You are developing into your own little person now and while you take little bits of each of us. You are already uniquely you. You love chocolate milk, movies with music in them, finding letters/numbers/shapes in random places (signs, etc), dancing, playing outside, water, running as fast as you can, playing doggies, playing in the mud, books, flash cards, blocks, trains and drumming. Oh boy the drumming, that's another thing you got from Daddy. You dislike green beans/peas, watermelon, hot concrete in bare feet (who doesn't), the sound of wind outside your window, cats, being forced to sit still, tight clothing, long periods of silence (you talk, talk, talk which I suppose I must admit you got from me), people who put things away in the wrong place, time out, having your hair brushed and having to go home from the park early. Then there are the things that you are still feeling out of which I suppose you haven't decided if the pro's outway the con's on. Much to her relief Anyah just came off that list. You've decided you like having a baby sister. Although having to share blankies and pillows-- that part is just ridiculous.

Tonight your Daddy had to work late. Usually Daddy puts you to bed but tonight because he isn't here I had to struggle with putting both you and your sister to sleep. As I took you into your room to put on your jammies Anyah (or Awnie Sister as you call her) woke up and began to cry in the other room. Your tiny little urgency light bulb went off and you took off like a rocket to her side.

"Oh sister, don't cry" you told her as you patted her tummy (which she hates by the way unless you're the one doing it) and attempted to (a little zealously) stick a bottle in her mouth. You're so protective of her all the sudden. It's like the sibling instinct kicked in with your 3 year birthday. Suddenly, making her laugh or making her stop crying are a top priority for you several times a day.

I can't wait to see what sort of a big sister you are. As brilliant and awesome as you are just as an independent and wonderful little person, I am amazed by watching you grow into someone who learns about having relationships with other people. You're very empathetic for a 3 year old.

In the beginning people compare things about little kids. There is this long list of milestones you check off one by one (she rolls, she stands, she walks) and they tell you that those things are important. Then your child gets a little bigger and there is a list of things to learn and you watch (the list of colors, words, numbers, letters, shapes), an endless supply of vocabulary words will tumble out of your toddler and people will tell you that those things are important. And they are...

But, me... I personally think that now we are getting to the important part of your life, little bug, that part where we nurture you're loving acceptance of others, your sense of adventure, your development of personality, your use of the skills God gave you. Now, that part where we start to see who you will really be. Well that's the important part... and it's the longest part of this adventure.

There is a W. Feather quote I have always loved that says "One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure" and I think you're life, little girl, is going to be very full. Because you view every moment, every game, even nap time as an adventure unfolding right before your very eyes. Any life that filled with excitement, wonder and your Mommy & Daddy's give um hell attitude is going to explode across the horizon for you some day.

And no matter if you succeed, or if you fail. No matter if you take the short path or the long one. Even if you get confused some day on what blessings really matter or what life lessons shouldn't be toyed with... we will always love you. We will love you in ways undescribable with grace unimaginable because you will always be our baby... so we'll help you in any way we can and if that doesn't work (no matter how old you are) Mommy plans to just look you in the eyes, throw her hand in the air over her head and yell "ONE MORE TIME" because it worked pretty well the first time she saw you do it.

Love,

Mommy

Crazy Times

When this posts I'll be at work. I'll be at least knee deep in ringing phone lines, paperwork, forms and computer databases. It's my life. I accept that sometimes I'll have to work when I don't want to be there.

On Saturdays, my little people stay with Daddy or Nannie (depending on the weekend) and I trudge off to miss the best parts of the day. My body says sleep in (even though it hasn't really done that since we had kids) and my mind says leave on your jammies but instead I drag myself from the land of silly socks and songs sung by cartoon characters dancing next to giant primary colored shapes...and I get the job done. I'm even able to say with reasonable confidence that I am pretty good at going to work.

But, I am better at being home. So earlier this month I was offered the opportunity to take a job change and flip our entire existence up side down. I discussed it with my husband. I discussed it with my mom (Nannie Playcare) and then I jumped in with both feet...

And my new job will work all night long. It will be exciting, new, and better paying. I'll come home in the morning (wearing jeans & crazy socks-no more dress code) and I'll eat breakfast and snuggle my babies. Then I'll take a nap, or two, or maybe three if I can swing it.

But I'll be home if someone needs me. I'll see Anyah's first steps and I'll get to take Layla to dance. I'll still be tired. I'll still be working. I'll still be mommy and wife and employee every single day. But I won't be trudging off during the best part of the day.

I'm blessed that I'll have people helping me get through it so I can sleep if I need to or take a break if I need to. I'm also blessed that I know I get have an adventure in every day life... one that someone will actually pay me to go on.

So the question gets asked daily. How can a mom of two little kids go to graveyard shift? The answer: How could I not take the opportunity to give my children more of me...even a sleepy me... if that was an option.

Wild Ones

I've never been fond of people telling me what to do. I've always been stubborn. I've always walked my own path, while beating my own drum and usually singing something at the top of my lungs. It's in my nature. I tell it like it is.

It's in her nature. The way her hair ends up in a wild frenzy 10 minutes after you brush it out. The way she drums on every surface around her, how she makes up songs with words that sound perfect to her own little ears. She's stubborn. She stands in her own path, a hand on each hip and tells you exactly what she thinks about what you're trying to do to.

I don't stop her from expressing it, the wild side, because I know penting it up will only make the urge to let it out twice as compelling and that release is twice as dangerous. I don't hush her or tell her that what she fills isn't valid.

If she says she is sad. Then she is sad, whether she should be or not is irrelevant because she is.

If she is happy, then she must be happy and who am I to tell her the face of happiness doesn't dance around in the walmart wearing shoes on the wrong feet.

It's important to me as a mom that she know I respect who she chooses to be. And while part of my job is to teach her to be mindful and respectful of others when it's appropriate I also take huge responsibility in teaching her to be mindful and respectful of her own nature so that hopefully someday she won't feel ashamed of the silly, smart and confident person she's growing into.

To Anyah @ 5 Months Old

My Little Anyah Bean,

You hear people talk about their children sometimes...they will say... it is like she's wise beyond her years... like she's been here before. You are that baby. My little people watcher. My quiet one. The snuggler. The baby who knows exactly how to get people to relax. The baby who just knows when things are not okay, or when they are going to be.

I was worried when I went back to work that we would lose some of our closeness but you light up every day when I come home and it makes me feel loved. You do your best baby gymnastics to try and flip yourself around to see me and you proceed to cry every time I leave your sight until the next day when I leave for work. It warms my heart the way you grin ear to ear when you know your whining and pleading has broken my resolve and I am in fact going to take you upstairs where it is quiet and let you roll around on the bed while playing with my hands and my hair.

You still love a lot of the same things... watching your sister play, pears, bananas, your own toes, purple elephant, jingle baby, sleeping next to mommy, warm baths, the wind chimes, breezes in the trees, snuggling, watching people, and sleeping while riding in the car. You've added a few things though... rolling over (your a big fan of the process but not the actual landing on your tummy), trying to grab the spoon before it gets into your mouth, the jumperoo (bounce bounce bounce), singing songs, and watching the puppy be crazy.

Your dislike list...well it's smaller but it's still the same stuff... cold in any form, loud/sudden noises, rollercoaster type games (you don't like moving too fast), the exersaucer, laying on your tummy. New to the list...peas and green beans... you're just like your dad on that one. It's ok though, there are lots of vegetables in this world and as long as you try them all... mommy has no food rules.

Right now you're crashed out on the couch which is amazing for many reasons, (1) it's not nap time, (2) your sister is singing at full blast and dancing to the Huffalump Halloween movie, (3) you don't normally sleep on the couch but mainly (4) I am typing something. Good Lord Child if you could calm down about the Anyah vs the Laptop battle I would greatly appreciate it. I guess you're so observant you've figured out when the laptop is out someone (mommy) is going to ignore you. But, geez, the instant freak out makes it hard to get pictures of your adorableness up on the website for your family who lives in other states.

This month you and your sister became BFF's. That's probably mommy's favorite change so far. I was worried there for awhile that she was going to resent you forever but alas Tuesday while I was getting ready for work you woke up and Layla had already moved into Daddy's spot because she accidently woke up when he left the house. So I went into the bedroom fully expecting her to be torturing you and making you cry. I must say I was shocked that instead she had pulled your blanket back up and stuck your bottle in your mouth. When I walked in she said "sister a crying, I fixed it, you go now". So I finished getting ready for work. You were quite smitten with her helping you out with your wake up process.

Halloween is coming and when it does there will be much love for your puggy little legs sticking our from your pumpkin costume. You have the cutest little thighs. Your long and tall though so your still going to be a very stemy pumpkin. A watchful and curious pumpkin, for sure, because you've already taken a lot of interest in the Halloween decorations I put up around the house to welcome Autumn (and entertain your sister). The thought of you and your sister sharing holidays from now on makes me happy.

Dennis Waitley says “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude” and that is what your daddy and I are trying to teach you and your sister about life. But, I have a feeling that you already know that... something in the way you watch the people you love. I guess only time will tell that story.

Love,

Mommy

7 Random Things

1) I got a promotion and just about everything currently dealing with my job will change in November, thusly, so will our ENTIRE lives.

2) Layla is starved for attention and totally regretting being a big sister. Plus, she hates that I went back to work. So now... she's acting out in the usual ways... sigh.

3) I have a Dr's appointment on Wednesday regarding MRI follow-up which I really wish I could reschedule because I have so much that needs to get done this week.

4) Layla's party on Sunday... it's going to be EPIC... you know why? Because her Mommy and Daddy love a challenge.

5) I blogged 4 pages of photos to the girls site tonight, which *almost* got me caught up to the end of August.

6) Anyah rolls over more in her sleep than any baby I've ever met. It keeps me on my toes when I should be snoring.

7) I don't have time for a real post but I do have time for really cute kids...see...I attached pictures...so you forgive me right?

Shapes & Colors

Layla learns almost everything she sees on TV. Which means we are very selective about what we let her watch. We do let her watch most learning shows though. She just recently discovered Blue's Clues. She loves Blue because he's a puppy. She can watch him at Nannie's House on TV, at our house on DVD and in desperate times when distraction is needed we have been known to let her check out an episode on someone's YouTube iPhone application.

Blue's Clues has taught Layla a lot. The DVD we have is on shapes and colors. She now knows about 14 colors and all her shapes. (She knew about 6 colors before and 4 shapes)

So this week we have spent a lot of time looking for shapes in every day situations. The ball is a circle. The sandwich is a triangle. The blocks are a square. Eggs are ovals. You get the point...shapes...they're everywhere.

Then I got this idea. Let's make cookies that are shapes and we can mix frosting like Blue mixes colors on Blue's Clues. I said it on Saturday, by Sunday morning it was all Layla could talk about.

Layla helped me count the scoops of ingredients and mix, mix, mix.

We used a tupperware to make squares and triangles (cut in half). We used biscuit cutters to make circles. I own a star and a heart cookie cutter. We used the circle to make crescents and the parts left over to make ovals. Then Layla cut up some rectangles out of other shapes.

I made 3 colors of frosting. Red, blue and yellow which we then mixed to make orange, green and purple.

Good times.

She frosted all the cookies but 1 herself. And they are tasty. Yummy tasty. I love learning with food.

Toothy

This cutie... she's got the tooth thing going on... it's a good thing she's cute because let me tell you...people who never sleep during the nightime...they are not amusing.

On Puppies, Birthdays & Adult Life

First things first, Layla's party is a puppy theme, because as you can see, she is still totally into pretending to be a puppy. She even licked Anyah... who has informed me...she is not scarred for life. Good times.

The birthday party invites didn't go out until Monday because mommy has a J-O-B and sometimes she doesn't have the time/money to run to the post office and buy a gazillion stamps. We never mail anything. I don't own stamps. It's 2010, the only reason Layla knows what a letter looks like is because Blue's Clues gets mail.

Today was my day to sign up for health insurance benefits and like every adult before me I got to weigh the difference between PPO and HMO. After that was done I had to fight the moral dilema between double insurancing or just having Jon's health insurance and my dental/vision. I went with option two because 1) my MRI was good and 2) I don't plan on having more kids. So for now we'll have one insurance like everyone else.

This week is schedule bidding at my work. On the 18th of October my work is changing their hours and everyone is bidding for new work schedules based on a rank determined by all sorts of things. My rank is pretty not awesome due to having a baby and being sick from having a baby. That's ok. There are no awful schedules just different ones then my first pick. I'll adapt. It's crazy stressful to think about change for me though so I am dealing with that part...poorly.

Anyah has decided that she doesn't like to be put down this week. Something about her mouth being invaded by giant teeth...honestly I didn't hear the exact explaination she was giving me because it sounded like SCREAM whine whine whimper SCREAM. Poor kid...

And that is that... 2 days down on the oh so normal work week.

Another Monday

This week will be a long one at my house. Jon works Monday through Thursday (long days every day). I work Monday through Saturday (a long week because of rotation). Despite the long work weeks we have a shockingly rare week with nothing out of the ordinary planned.

There will be dinners to make, baths to splash around in, clothes to fold and dishes to clean. You know... we'll be adults living the dream life... being parents...holding down jobs... watching TV at night before bed and feeding our addiction to scrolling through the internet on our iPhones.

Maybe this week I'll finally have time to get some pictures up on the girls website. Maybe this week I can actually try a new recipe or actually read a chapter of the book I bought in April and have yet to crack open. Or maybe... just maybe... I'll slip off into the quiet moments watching my girls learn to love each other, watching Autumn come to the Central Valley, watching each day roll into the next until finally it is Sunday and I can snuggle with my girls in bed in the morning.

Vertigo-Mommy

So back in October I was pregnant and sick...very sick...as you might well remember. I was so sick that I ended up with pneumonia by the end of winter. I was dizzy all the time and they told me it was probably an inner ear infection. I was ok with that diagnosis because dude I was pregnant and sick.

Then as the pregnancy got worse my vision kept getting worse and worse. Eventually, I started having vertigo and depth perception issues. I had preeclampsia and I was sick again so when they told me it was pregnancy related and that I was going on bed-rest I was ok with that.

Then I had a baby and my blood pressure went down and I got new glasses to correct my vision...but still I was haunted by the vertigo. I was on a cruise ship no one else was on. I was never dizzy... I am never dizzy. I was never light headed...I am never light headed. But I am very subject to spells of vertigo. That earthquake that only I feel...it's annoying.

By the time Anyah was 4 months old. I went to Anyah's check up and I mentioned it again to my Doctor. Doctors don't like it when you have vertigo for long periods of time, especially with loss of vision and loss of hearing only on one side. My left ear has always had worse hearing than my right.

So he checked me for all the chemical things... diabetes, thyroid, cancer, etc. When those results came back clear I got the news that I was going to need to have an MRI.

The Doctor was worried it was a tumor on or near my inner ear. He thought it might be a balance disorder or mineire's disease or perhaps even something like MS that affects your vision. He scared the shit out of me with maybe's and I agreed to the MRI.

I spent an hour last week in a tube listening to whirls and clicks and thunks while strapped down to a little table.

My Doctor is AWESOME and got the results back to me a day and a half later.

It's not my brain it's my eyes.

I am losing vision in only one eye. With that loss of vision I am losing depth perception, night vision and because one eye hasn't learned to give up the ghost... it's screwing with my life. Eventually I'll lose enough vision that I will have to choose between being pretty much blind in one eye or have corrective surgery.

Until then it's a party cruise around here...the boats a rocking...

But it's not a tumor and that alone makes whatever else they tell me is AWESOME.

It's Gonna Be Fun

I'm running late getting out her birthday party invites. I'm running late booking the bounce house. I'm running late on getting favors together...

But you know what?

It's going to be EPIC! Because she's two and she's gonna be three. When you're three... any party where there will be cake, bouncing, people you love and hot dogs... EPIC!

So what if the week before her birthday I'll have to run around like a crazy person. So what if financially this isn't ideal for the adults...

So what...

BEING THREE SHOULD BE EPIC

After all, you only do it once...

Love

Four years ago I got married...well four years and a few days... because I am running late getting this posted.

Four years ago I got married. Then we had two crazy kids. We learned a lot in four years. We learned what we are patient with and what we have no tolerance for. We learned that love feels much different than it looks on Wednesday night after a full day at work and an evening with the kids.

The thing about being married is that it isn't going to be perfect. We don't always agree. We don't always have the energy we did before we got all wrapped up in adult life. But in four years, you know what, we've still only ever had one real fight. We still end each day with an "I love you" and we are stronger as a pair then we would have ever been as two single people out in this world.

We've changed homes, finances, plans and and lots (and I do mean LOTS) of diapers. We've opened ourselves up to plenty of new experiences and we've held the outside back with nothing more than a give um hell attitude and a lot of respect for our other half.

So we've made it four years and it's still only the beginning of a great adventure... but I can honestly say if I have to go on a life long adventure... I am glad he's going to be the one driving my car.

Growing Up Together

I was insistent that there had to be two. I was sure their life would be more...better...safer... if there were two of them. It's amazing watching your children grow up. Watching them determine what they like, and seeing what they don't like. It's brilliantly entertaining to see them start to learn the limits of what they will and will not do. I am amazed by the way my girls are the same, the ways they are different.

I wonder about the places they will go. I wonder about the things they will do. I watch with eager anticipation as they experience a world that I thought I knew. I watch as they teach me things I didn't know I didn't know. I see things anew through their love and grace. And I grow up with them...even though there was once a time I thought I was all grown up.

In the last week

Layla finally decided that having a little sister is mildly entertaining. Her sudden interest in tickling, feeding, helping, playing, tormenting, attempting to carry and soothing the baby is down right adorable.

This change in perception seems to be brought on by the fact that the tides have settled from Mommy going back to work and Layla is finally over the 'jealousies'... but also by the fact that Anyah has jumped a few development milestones of her own in the last week making her much more interactive, able to play sitting up or standing for longer periods of time and all around more pleasant about her play time on the floor.

Helper Layla has had a few traumatic big sister experiences... she tried baby food and gagged, for example. But, she's decided that tickles and kisses get her just as much attention as Anyah and so she's spreading the love on pretty thick.

The last two weekends we haven't gotten to do much on our to-do list. Jon's birthday resulted in the adults going out twice while Nannie stayed home with teething Anyah and sick Layla (bless her heart. We missed Kylie's birthday and then this weekend we ran to the Fall Festival where I experienced the most trying 3 minutes of my life and resulted in 2 days of recovery time here at home. I did manage to get some great pictures of my mom with the kids at the parade (it was her BIRTHDAY). Good thing it was Labor Day weekend and I had an extra day to try and put myself back together... but I ended up canceling all my plans on Monday because emotionally it was draining.

I'm still super nervous about the MRI this week. Our Anniversary is 2 days away and probably will get some sort of honorable attempt at adults going out to dinner after payday on Friday. Going back to work full time is trying emotionally and physically just like it was last time only this time I have a toddler, a health issue and we're financially stretched thin so it's all about STRESS and SCHEDULING here at the Jeffery house. Jon's being a trouper about the fact that I talk his ear off several times a day in an anxiety riddled mess.

Good times.

No really, some of it is really good times.

You appreciate them more when you have to find them wading knee deep through bullshit.