The First Time

The first time you write on a blog is a lot like the first time that you do anything. Although this is not my first blog I find trying to think of something to write slightly akward. Perhaps confidence in writing is something that you only have when you really don't need it. I'm pretty sure some of the most offensive and potentially life changing things I have written about have flowed out of my mind and through my fingers till the keyboard sounded like termites on studio speakers. But the simple things... oh they come the hardest.

This month is the first for so many things. My first (and only) marraige started this month. On the eigth of September I became someone's Mrs. It's so new still that I have to make a deliberate effort to sign my new last name and I struggle with the cursive J that I'm sure will come with ease and grace when I write my name eighty years from now.

Our first night of marraige filled with hope and doubt. The sudden realization that you're going to be a team for the rest of your life is an amazingly passionate thing. You talk about it so much leading up to your marraige, but that first time... well it's not what anyone can describe to you. It doesn't matter how many times you joke about stretching first, you're not going to remember that when it comes time to stretch your legs and give it a good old fashioned college try.

And then the little firsts... the first time I realized that people can't all be trusted the way I thought they could. The first time I discovered that having a new boss is much like riding a new bicycle. I have all the skills I need I just need to wait for it to feel less akward. The first time we had another couple over for dinner at our house. Sure people come here to eat a lot but not to "our" house...

My house no longer exists I live in it's walls but suddenly it is filled with so much more, more life, more hope, more laughter and less of other things... less chocolate because we ate it already, less sleep because we occupy each others waking hours so well and less doubt because although there are a lot of firsts...for the the first time... we've got someone else to keep us from worrying.