Thursday, May 31, 2007

It's never what you plan for

Of course, when you order a new desk, a new couch, some baby bedding, a sling and a bunch of random other products you don't normally expect for them all to start arriving at exactly the same time.

Just yesterday our furniture place said a week and a half from now we'd have a couch. Which translates to we are going to call tomorrow and try to deliver. The new couch will officially be here tomorrow. Which left us with the problem of getting rid of the furniture that's currently in the living room.

The big couch we had to get rid of went onto the porch with a free sign and last night at ten the main benefit of living in Spanish ghetto paid off...someone took it from the porch. That leaves us with a small couch and a desk, both of which are going to the brother and sister in law. Now we get to rush them into taking them both in one day. Yea, that's going over great so far.

It's not our fault, it's not their fault, it's not the furniture places fault and it's not God's fault. But if I ever figure out who's fault it is... I'm making them paint all the baby furniture as punishment.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007


When I first started blogging, two blogs ago, I used to write about being stalked by God. God found me everywhere. He was the man in line at the store who told me about a small miracle in his life. He was in the woman at the Walmart who gave me a bible to take home. He was in the children across the hall that lead me back to church. He was mostly in the love of others. His love was ample and it was provided by actions of peopl the who probably thought it was no big deal to hold open my door.

The love I experienced lead me to new thinking. I would pay for someone else at the drive thru window and tell the cashier to tell them Jesus loved them. I would volunteer my time. I was more than willing to share my love. But like most things, I got tired.

Love was brilliant and bright when I first found him. Love could guide me like a light at the end of a tunnel. I could reflect that light on others and they would bask in it and I would feel inspired to love even greater.

But, at some point church turned into people who were busy. At some point reflecting the light became about trying to get out of the line of fire as fast as possible. At some point I became ashamed of wanting to talk about what I felt was right. I became embarrassed by my inability to love people enough.

Enough is a word created by the devil. There is no action too small that it can not be enough. I remember that now as I read about someone else's God Stalking.

I will not be commenting on her blog but I will be using it to remember. To remember that someone is watching the little things. I will use it...

I remember

Nesting Is Expensive

So since the nine page list I made of things that need to be done before the baby came, there has been a ton of shopping going on at our little house. Baby safety locks, child outlet covers, behind the toilet cabinets, washer hoses, and a thousand little things I can't remember have all been purchased and installed.

Also purchased and scheduled to arrive today... a glass computer desk for the hubby's new office at the back of the house. And arriving next week... the new couch (complete with reclining seats). Add that to the piles of little baby clothing, changing tables, baby bedding, and other little Layla items... it's getting a little messy at our house.

My mom is talking about getting me the chair that matches my couch so I have stopped worrying about that. Instead, Jon and I will be working on our next big purchase, otherwise known as the baby dresser. This is the least urgent of the purchases we've made recently. Mainly, because the baby has her own closet with a shelf I can stack things on and hang things from.

Today I get to make a trip to the hardware store where I will be getting assorted crib paints, wall paints and even some fire detectors (because we don't have those). Jon's going to be a busy busy guy.

I bet nesting becomes his least favorite word.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Itty Bitty Little Socks

Oh dear lord, it has started. I spent $60 this week at the baby consignment shop on itty bitty little pink sleepers and teeny tiny little socks. I am twenty weeks pregnant and I have lost my will power.

On the upside, I got a changing table at a yardsale for $3.00. That was a nice perk. Jon will have paint it chocolate brown to go with the new baby bedding which I plan on purchasing when I get paid at the end of the week.

We also finally finished the last of our baby registry at Target. We only needed to register for 60 items some of which are clothing. I don't think that's too bad considering it's our first child.

I also have a lucky baby sling that I want to order this week... it's adorable. It is very similar to the peanut sling a friend of mine ordered for me already but I know they'll get lots of use so I am not worried about it.

See the thing is, it was really easy to convince myself that an unknown gender sprout didn't need me to impulse shop for it. But now that it's a girl for sure and I can feel it moving there seems something more urgent about nesting... much more urgent...

an urgent need for little tiny socks...

Thursday, May 24, 2007


This afternoon I got a call at work from my hubby who said simply, the back yard was on fire, someone had been playing with a firework and he had to put it out and the fire department was on the way.

When I got home I found out that hubby was quite the hero in the whole mess. He heard a fire cracker go off and then put out fires in our yard and two of our neighbors yards. The first 5 pictures are our yard. The rest are the neighbors.

No one was harmed in the making of this blog article...but if I catch a kid with a firecracker in my alley I might have to kill him/her.

I tagged her and she tagged back

I love it when I tag someone for something and they actually do it. I tagged Annie below for a meme and she's


Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1)Newlywed Bliss
2)Christina’s Shoebox
3)Lissa's Musings
4)Where the Grass Grows

Next select five people to tag:

Being as I just tagged a bunch of people... I'm not doing that again...If you’re reading this and want to play, tag! You’re it!

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was 19, I was seriously contemplating dropping out of college for a boy whom I decided 8 years later was not worth the time I gave him. But because of wasting my time with him I found God, my husband and my love of board I guess I'll keep the made my future.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

I was planning my wedding, getting to know my soon to be in-laws and my new born soon to be nephew.

Five snacks you enjoy

1. Pepsi with lots of ice
2. Rondell Garlic & Herb Goat Cheese Spread & Wheat thins
3. Carrot sticks & homemade ranch dressing
4. Cake- Confetti cake from the box is the bestest
5. My mom's guacamole salsa &corn tortilla chips

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to

1. Amazing Grace...ok maybe I only know the common verses but I think it counts
2. Brown Eyed Girl the James Taylor version
3. L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole
4. She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5
5. All My Ex's Live in Texas by George Strait

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

1. Buy a house
2. Save for my kids college fund
3. Pay off any debt we might have
4. Donate to my church and community
5. Invest the rest so that I don't ever have to work again.

Five bad habits

1. Impatience
2. Talking to fast
3. Dealing from the bottom of the deck
4. Worrying about and trying to control things that I know are not in my control (I agree with Annie on this one)
5. Interrupting while people are talking to me or talking about myself a lot (or both at the same time!) (I'm with Annie on this one too)

Five things you like doing

1. Cooking and Baking
2. Singing along with the radio in the car
3. Playing board games and card games
4. Eating out with friends
5. Planning large events

Five things you would never wear again

1.Shoes made of plastic
2.Ribbon Barrettes
3.Clothing that changes color when I change temperature
4.Anything with the Punky Brewster mix & match color look
5.Feathered Bangs

Five favorite toys

1. The internet
2. My digital camera
3. The Hubby
4. My cell phone
5. My kitchen

Eight random facts about me?

Eight random facts about me?

Cheryl over at Red Pens & Diapers (see link in sidebar) tagged me for a meme

1. I won't drink coke. Everyone knows that I am addicted to Pepsi with lots of ice but what you don't know is that if it's a place with coke I'll have a Dr. Pepper or a Sprite or whatever it takes to not drink a coke.

2. My normal perfume smells like food. Brown sugar and cinammon to be exact. I also have a bottle of provocative but I only use it when I can't smell like a Christmas morning.

3. I can't roller blade or roller skate. Do you remember that scene in Cats & Dogs where the dog has on roller skates. That dog skates better than I do. And it's not from a lack of trying.

4. My wedding ring is made from the diamonds of my favorite grandmother's wedding ring. She left me hers when she died (which was very big (in size not diamonds)) and I wanted to use it as mine but it was ugly so I kept the diamonds and made a new simple ring. I think of her every time I look at my hand.

5. When my other grandmother died the only thing I kept was her recipes. I got rid of everything else. For me food is the thing that holds my memories. A pie or a casserole or a particular stuffing can take me right back to a specific moment in my life.

6. I'm terrified of moths. You know the little evil bugs that eat your sweaters. If you make a moth wing noise I will scream and slap you. If one flies by me I will run away. I will touch a snake, I can kill a spider if I have to but I'll lock myself out of a room for a week to avoid a moth.

7. I have no depth perception. I therefore will not parellel park or toss babies in the air and catch them. Playing it cool while batting is ok, faking it while you run through a crowded space could be harmful but rarely is but I'm terrified of hurting someone else's stuff.

8. I love surveys, memes, and all other forms of interviews. It makes me have to think and put things in perspective so as soon as Cheryl tagged me I started typing my answers.

Now I tag 8 people (but I'm only tagging 6)... honestly if they don't want to do this they don't have to but I think it sounds fun because all the people on my links are super great blogs to read (not that I am bias)... all the people I listed have links in the sidebar so feel free to check them out...

Niobe at Dead Baby Jokes

Annie at Where the Green Grass Grows

Christine at Mom's the Word

Elaine at Wanna Be Hippie

Krista at It's always something

Mary at Owlhaven/Larger Families/ The Ethiopian Adoption Blog

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Layla Grace's Photo Debute

Oh Yes Sprout There Is A Gender

So let me start by saying that with all the updates in technology they really need to come up with a sonogram machine that doesn't involve using your kegel muscles for an hour to hold in a small lake michigan of fluid. Really, it's just cruel.

So having said that... sonogram pictures will come tomorrow because I have to scan them tonight. But I have lots of them... 10 or so...

Two of which clearly show...

(wait for it)

That we're having a Layla Grace.

Yahoo it's a girl... I win the bet... I win the bet....

Now if anyone needs me I'll be in the pink section of target with the zappy gun and my credit card.

G- Day

Today is the day we find out the gender of our little sprout. I'm super excited. One of the girls in the office brought me a little pink outfit and a little blue outfit. Both are hanging from my desk above my head. Whichever one I don't need I'll be giving back in the morning.

Gosh I'm nervous. I really really want an all clear and an it's a ??

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

24 hours

24 hours from now I will be on a little table with a belly covered in gel that is much too cold to be touching my skin. A man named Craig will take a little wand and with a press or two against my belly will begin to count. This will probably be the most important counting I will do in the next 5 months. Counting arms, legs, kidneys and lungs. Adding up the toes, fingers and looking for little tiny signs of gender. Counting to see if we're ok. Counting to find out how we measure up.

24 hours...let the count-down start...

Monday, May 21, 2007

Nine Pages Later

So last night I was talking to my hubby about the fact that in the second trimester (for me anyhow) the desire to nest is incredibly strong and so I feel like a complete failure because I can't do anything...for multiple reasons (I'm high risk, our room mate still lives in one of the rooms we'll need, I can't make noise if someone else is sleeping) and it's driving me to a stress induced form of C-R-A-Z-Y!! (yes, just like that with all capital letters and lots of pausing)

So he comes up with this brilliant solution to make a list of all the things that need to be done and then to do one room a week until they are all done (8-9 weeks from now ...more or less depending on upcoming weddings and babies and what not). Great idea, right?

So I start making list per room. Nine full pages of writing later I am more stressed out now then I was before I had lists. He's all sorts of motivated and I am now more inclined than ever to lay around in the fetal position.

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking of the 9 pages that don't include any living, eating, drinking or sleeping. Nine pages seems like a lot to me. Lot's of time, lot's of money and lot's of trying to stay motivated.

Maybe my second wind will kick in Wednesday at 2 when we find out what we're having.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

19 weeks

I know 20 weeks is supposed to be considered the half way mark for pregnancy BUT I'm in the 80% margin for having a premie so I have decided that I am declaring this week my half way mark. I am half way done with stretch marks, lack of sleep and spicy food cravings. Ok probably not the lack of sleep or the spicy food cravings...but hopefully the stretch marks.

This week has been pretty much the same as the others. I find that now that I am pregnant I can not tolerate being warm. Last night we went to dinner at my sister/brother-in laws apartment and by the time I got home I had a temperature from being slightly warm. That is pretty normal for me. I don't sweat. But, it seems to be amplified by the baby.

I have discovered that I really like my 4:30 p.m. nap and that when I don't get it I am cranky. I have also decided that the baby moves a lot more if you eat jalepenos.

Heartbeat according to the baby doppler is still around 140-150 depending on how active I've been and how much spice I've eaten.

Four days till the anatomy scan... I'm taking a poll... what do you or blue??

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Back By Popular Demand-- My June Calendar

Someone (who happens to do a lot of stuff with us) mentioned to me today that it was very helpful for them to be able to see some of our calendar for the upcoming months and that I should do a more detailed one monthly. Ok. I can do that.

Here by popular demand... I give you... June 2007....

1st I have a OBGYN appt for the baby (I know everyone loves to know about that)
2nd Patterson Apricot Festival (hate apricots but love the God son who is in the parade)
9th-10th My hubby will be at a bachelor party trip with his best friend
12th-14th I'm at a seminar in Pleasanton...staying at the Marriott...fancy me
14th is also a wedding rehearsal my husband has to go to
15th I run payroll at work back in my home town then drive to Fresno to take a certification test
16th is my mother in law's birthday... better her than me... I'm plenty old enough
17th is father's day but my dad gets skipped because Jon is in a friends wedding (thus all the wedding related hubby appts) and it's over an hour away from the house
18th I took this day off from work so I could play dead and lay around in the fetal position wishing I didn't book all my weekends
20th Krista's birthday...bring presents
21st Keith's birthday...
23rd someone is graduating...someone is always graduating
30th the weekend of the 30th we got invited to go camping, or to a swim party, or to a graduation or a baby shower... we haven't decided yet...

Then it's July. I don't want to think about July yet.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

One Week Wait

When you are trying to concieve everything is about the two week wait. Two weeks of not knowing if you're going to be drinking wine with dinner or taking pre-natal vitamins for the next thirty days. Two weeks of constant anticipation. It was an unbearable sort of anxiety waiting to know if I was pregnant or not. I was very excited when I got pregnant at the thought of not having to wait like that again for several months, if not longer.

But I have found something that gives me much more anxiety than that two week wait to see if there is a viable baby. Ironically enough, it is the one week wait that you get when it's almost time for the anatomy scan. After you find out that you are in fact pregnant, this is probably the second biggest hurdle you are going to face.

The honest truth is what you'll find out at that scan. Is the baby ok? Is it a girl? Is it a boy? Is it big? Is it small? Is it growing correctly? Are you doing a good job? There is a lot of hope on that one week wait and a lot of fear. Fear that the unexpected will unfold. Fear that the you're doing something wrong. Fear that your child will be shy and cross it's legs so you won't get to plan the perfect nursery. You know important stuff like that.

One week from today at exactly this time I will know if I am giving birth to a boy or a girl. And while that doesn't seem important after being high risk for so long...there is a sense of impending reality when it comes to talking about it and seeing it on my calendar.

One week... the longest wait ever.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Like a Wave

Saturday was my nephew's first birthday. He's a great kid and his little party was held in our back yard. The California sun smiled on us and the temperature never got too hot and the breeze was steady. It was a nice moment of celebrating life.

Sunday I woke up with a wave of "oh my god I'm going to be sick" panic. I spent most of the day Sunday on the couch with intermitten breaks to run to the restroom or get another glass of water or 7 up. I sent my husband away to play with friends so I could moan alone. I had a temperature and I was exhausted.

By Monday I was too tired to go to work and still slightly nauseous but the fever broke. Now my fears of running to the bath room were equally matched with my fears that I was dehydrated or mal-nurishing a fetus. By Monday night I new today would be a battle of will.

Today was payroll day at work. I run the payroll. I needed to go in. So here I am at work. I'm 2/3 of the way done with payroll and already fully aware that by this afternoon I need to be working from home.

I thought I had the flu. I was slightly pissed I missed my first psuedo mother's day and I fell asleep without calling my mom or Jon's mom. By today the girls at work convinced me I probably got sun stroke. Although I didn't get a sun burn I did have a lot of sun time and I didn't drink healthy fluids. Luckily that home heartbeat doppler assures me the baby didn't seem to notice.

But I noticed.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Anger Management

So the meeting at work yesterday solved pretty much nothing. My boss's boss was his usual unhelpful self saying things like "an admin's job is to serve" and "it's not fair, I don't have to be fair it's my company". For the most part, I knew that would happen. There were some vague threats and he justified everything he did with the nicest versions of 'your opinion doesn't matter here' I've ever heard. Then he left. He felt very validated and I felt like I'd just had a long talk with a three year old about global warning.

Then my boss took over and gave me my review, which was good... a raise, which was better and a couple comments that made me feel like maybe my job isn't just another version of a Drew Cary sitcom. All in all, I'm staying... I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm too pregnant to really care about their opinion and as long as I'm doing a good job I don't feel guilty about taking their money.

I suppose it could have been worse. I could have quit, or better yet I could have told them exactly what I think of the way the CEO talks about his "company values". How does it add value to a person to tell them they are there to serve?

Yea I don't have an answer for that one either. Thank God my boss is a good guy.

18 weeks

Dear Sprout,

Please lay off the sugar. The head butting off of my belly button and jumping off my pelvic bone every day from 4:00 p.m. till dinner time is really starting to get rather frustrating. It's hard to concentrate on my part of the order from the menu list for Daddy.


Dear Mom,

Mother's Day being right around the corner I decided that making myself known would relax some of your fears about this pregnancy. You should be thanking me, after all I am God's gift to the infertile. Plus, we both know it's your fault you can't pick "just one thing" from a menu.


Dear Sprout,

Any question I had in my mind that you may be too much like me and not enough like your father has now ended. Please keep in mind that without my help you'd starve to death and stop developing your already huge head.


Dear Mom,

Don't worry I have every intention of "accidently" jumping on the family jewels as soon as I have a chance. I don't like to play favorites. Speaking of starving... I think it's time we had Burger King again...come on you know you want a french fry.


*Sigh* Well I guess a french fry does sound good. Gotta go folks... more blogging later... Happy Mother's Day!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Air Glorious Air

If you don't live in the Central Valley of California you're probably enjoying the tail end of a Spring season. But, if you live where I live it's been in the high 80's low 90's for a week and it's mighty hot. I get the great pleasure of being pregnant during summer and already being one of the hottest people I know...who btw, never really sweats (which makes one even hotter).

Yesterday, my husband took pity on me and went out to get the floor fan from the storage shed in the back yard. I slept last night with the air conditioning on artic and the fan on it's highest setting blowing directly on me. For the first time in 2 months, I slept like a baby, instead of like someone who's having a baby.

I would have slept more except at 5 am I was awoke by a cat, my cat, jumping off the window frame on to my stomach (not where the baby was luckily) and causing me a sudden urgency to go pee. I then promptly curled up in my quilt under the fan and overslept my 7 am alarm by 20 minutes.

Gosh I missed cold air.

D Day

Today is the "discussion" at work. D Day, as I like to call it, happens today at 4 pm. I find this especially ironic considering that I normally get off at 4:30 and there is no way the meeting will be over by then so their attempt to show me I have value will be demonstrated by making me work unpaid overtime. Got to love that part!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I've Got the World On A String

I've heard it said many times that the devil comes for us in our times of weakness. Lately, I find myself trying to convince others that it is when we feel strong that we are at our weakest. Because of this theory, it would be easier to say the devil thrives on our strength.

The truth is that we pray less when we feel safe. We don't pray less because God made us feel that way. We pray less because we are human and we usually only ask for real help when we really need it. We're too stupid to know what we need so like a confident little sheep grazing in a field sometimes we are led like lambs to the slaughter.

The alcoholic is weakest when he thinks he is strong enough to only have one drink or to only drink at the "appropriate times" but he'll find himself drunk and alone again if he isn't careful. The evil is there. The manipulative woman is weakest when she thinks she is in control and tries sinfully to get what she wants but she'll find herself to be angry and alone again if she isn't careful. That's where the evil is. The infertile woman who begs for a child and finds herself pregnant might find pause in her prayer when the heartbeat is strong and the baby is thriving but she'll find herself abandoned and alone if she isn't careful. The evil is there.

The evil is there in our perception that we are on the right path. The evil is there in our confidence for our skills at work, our social situation or our family life. The evil thrives on our ability to think we can go the path alone. We are most likely to make this stupid mistake when we are feeling strong. The evil is in our pride not our struggle.

2 Chronicles 26:16 "But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the LORD his God, and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense."

Monday, May 07, 2007

Praise God...and thank you IRS

So a few months ago, I went out on a limb and signed up for a tax refund program that Jon was elligible for. I never heard anything and assumed that it was denied. Until today, when I got my tax refund...and a letter saying I could keep it from the good ol' IRS.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow...and a special note of thanks to the IRS.

Ten Things I Have Learned Not To Do From My Boss's Boss

1. I will never tell someone I need to have a serious discussion with them and then refuse to schedule that discussion for two weeks claiming that I am too busy but that it needs to be dealt with before other things can be talked about.

2. I will never apologize for something I am not sorry for, promise to work on it and then promptly forget that I have made the offer.

3. I will not tell two people to do the same thing and then be upset when they ask me who should be doing it.

4. I will hold people only accountable for things that they have actual empowerment to handle. I will hold everyone to these same standards of acountability not letting people off the hook just because their personality is likable or they are my friend.

5. I will never assume I know what happened, be angry about my assumption and then hold it against you even after I am proven wrong...siting it again later and then having to be reminded that it was already handled.

6. I will never train someone to be a leader and then ask them to follow. This includes promising things I can not deliver, giving and taking the same responsibilities from the same person over and over and being contradictory just because I can be.

7. I will never expect someone to hold a leadership or human quality that I can not maintain myself. I will not be like the parent saying "do what I say not what I do". I will not ask people to do things that waste their and my time just because I can.

8. I will never praise someone for something and then reprimand them for the EXACT same thing a year later. I will criticize when at all possible quickly and in person and praise people over long periods of time and in writing.

9. I will not throw someone under the bus, call them out or reprimand them in front of others they are trying to get along with in a difficult situation.

10. I will not frustrate an employee, when at all possible, to the point that they have to blog about 10 things not to do that I do.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Idiot Files

So just when you think you've done the stupidest thing you'll ever do...something twice as stupid happens.

I just sent a text to the wrong person...twice. I sent condolences to my husband instead of our friend and then sent our friend a text asking if he knew about the death of his own family member.

Luckily, this friend probably loves me enough to laugh at my mistake and forgive me but I still feel pretty dumb.

Friday, May 04, 2007

17 weeks- The TMI Post

So how do you follow up a National Prayer Day post? Well you post a TMI (too much information) post, that's how. If you are not interested in TMI please stop reading now.

Let's talk about being 17 weeks pregnant. Let's talk about the akward parts...

How about my left nipple? That's an akward part. Suddenly in the last 2 days my nipples have grown to twice the size the started. My nose is getting an inferiority complex about the whole thing. Pointy angry dark nipples scare me. I now own two. Lucky me. Scared of my own cleavage, I think "how much worse can it get". Oh it can get worse. It can get much much worse. The left one can leak something. Granted you're not even half way done being pregnant so a leaking nipple is gross, scary AND not appropriate. It stopped now. It's a good thing. Because if it didn't I was going to resign and turn back in my chest for replacement.

How about the dragon's breath? No not morning breath. I mean the heartburn, burping and breathing flames part of my daily life. Yesterday I got heartburn from an apple. The day before that I got heartburn from toast. It's the good life I tell you. Nothing says attractive like beaching on the couch in front of you husband and belching every 5 minutes.

How about the adrenaline issue? Oh what you haven't heard about that yet have you. Did you know my body is broken. Turns out I'm making adrenaline all the time. I guess having a baby is exciting but geez!! Suddenly my flight or fight response is tripled and I'm a hormonal basket case.

Welcome to 17 weeks. I sure hope Sprout appreciates this!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

National Day of Prayer

Today is National Day of Prayer. More information on National Day of Prayer can be found here because I am too lazy to post a big long summary. (Hey- at least I’m honest about it)

I am part of a National Day of Prayer group that includes 11 religions and several hundred people in California. Our goal this year is to (each of us) ask 20 people to pray for a specific cause tonight with their bedtime prayers or family blessings. (I emailed my 20 people but I'm asking you to join in anyway)

My prayer group is praying for people who are struggling with infertility. This topic is one close to my heart…and currently residing in my belly. Our group is praying that people struggling with infertility find “someone to hold their hope for them”. As I am Christian, I have adapted this prayer request a little to say that I would like people to pray that others with infertility remember that God can hold their hope for them. We’d greatly appreciate your help in raising the world’s voice in prayer on this particular topic. (If you are not Christian, and I know some of you aren't any good thoughts, meditations or otherwise "prayer-like" actions would also be greatly appreciated)

This is not a chain email… you don’t have to forward or reply to it. If you feel a calling to do so please pray. (Of course if you want to forward it, I’m not going to stop you- there is no such thing as too much prayer)

My many thanks & my sincerest prayers for you and yours!

Sprout Update

Yesterday was the OBGYN appt that every girl loves to hate. It was brief and I was informed that the baby was thriving but that I was not. To sum it up I need to gain weight (I've lost 13.5 lbs) by June 1st and I need to reduce my stress dramatically or I'll be on bed rest. But Sprout, Sprout is happy as can be.

I have a sonogram appt on May 23rd which I'm hoping will be able to tell me what gender the baby is.

Now I've just got to figure out how to reduce my stress by 30-40%. Any recommendations?

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


It has been decided. Should there be a boy the middle name will be Elliot. Logan Elliot. Which, by the way, is the English form of Elijah. It shares the same meaning as Elijah but we like the way it sounds better.

Thanks for all the input. For those of you who asked how the middle name was determined... let's be honest... we watch a lot of Law and Order SVU and I looked up the meaning of a characters name.

Hey, they can't all come from someplace philosophical but they can all have a definition that means something.

We'll keep you posted on whether or not it's a boy or a girl. Just a few more weeks till we find out.

Spiritual Attack

There was a point right after I became a Christian that I looked back on my life before Christianity and thought...Satan is going to be pissed he lost me. I knew at that moment that my converting would not be easy. I knew at that moment that I would be tested multiple times. I suppose what I didn't know is that much like Job and not at all like the prodigal son that I would not be getting a break.

My tests are constant and no matter how much I pray, plea and ask others to help they are my tests and my tests alone. Do I think Jesus is helping me? Not really. I think he's watching me to see if I can be lured away. I don't think he's hurting me. I just think there is something to be said about the fact that some times God wants us to do it with our own willpower, our own skills and our own faith.

They say that you only need faith as big as a mustard seed. I've seen a mustard seed. They are pretty small. I think there are moments where my faith is smaller. I think there are moments when I have no faith at all.

I acknowledge those moments here, out loud, because I don't think that enough people do. People tell you to just keep your faith. But you will lose it. You will have days with no faith, no hope, no plan and no more tears to cry. You will have them and they will pass.

Faith is not about believing in something you can not know. Faith is not in trusting what you can not see. Faith is not an emotion. Faith is an action. Faith is what keeps the sinner from the sin just long enough to slip past the spiritual attack. Faith is a choice you make.