Wednesday, July 30, 2008
As I reach in to pick her up she finds a little bit of balance and masters her way into a lazy standing position with her head resting on the top bar of the crib. I grasp around in the blankets for the invisible pacifier mumbling in my head a combination of curse words meant for the man who invented the clear pacifier. When my hand hits it my ears perk up to the sound of clinking plastic and I have it.
With one hand the pacifier and the other the baby I swoop everything into my bed and lay her tiny hot head on my pillow. She snuggles down, taking her right hand and placing it down my nightgown until she finds skin and her left hand she draps lazily over her eyes. I pull the cool sheets up around us and say a little prayer into the quietness around us.
Lord, make a circle of white light around me, and in that love protect me, keep me safe, and let me know that I am ok.
A whisper into the darkness takes her stiff little body the rest of the way into comfort and as the last words leave my mouth she falls limp into slumber. A few seconds later she stirs a little and without opening my eyes I hum under my breath...
Baby mine don't you cry...little one dry your eyes...
The song never finishes, barely a verse in we are both back sound asleep.
As for tonight, if anyone needs me I'll be singing along with the Doobie Brothers, pushing a stroller with a margarita in the drink holder... don't worry the hubby can DD (the stroller or the car).
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Today we have a play date, tomorrow we're going to the county fair with friends, Thursday we have lunch with one of my BFF's from highschool and her 2 toddler aged kids. Then it's August...
The 1st I'm going to a concert with Miss Jen (I think). The 6th I'm going to the SF Zoo free kids day. The 9th is a friends 30th Bday Bash. The 16th is my soon to be Godson's Bday BBQ (hypothetically) because the 19th is his Bday. The 22nd is my niece's bday (but she's already had a party). The 23rd is Jon's bday dinner out with family and friends (invites just went out on Evite). The 27th is his actual BDay and we'll do something together. The 28th Layla turns 11 months old and I begin to plan her bday party for real. That weekend we might go down south for someone's big 1-0 party. Then it's September...
Labor day weekend is right off the bat. After that is my mother's birthday, which happens to be the day before Grandparent's day. Which is the day before our 2nd Anniversary...which we're thinking about going camping the weekend of the 12th to celebrate. (oh and on the 10th I have an appt). Then it's my nephew's birthday on the 19th which there will be a first birthday bash for on the 20th, then my sister in laws birthday (but she lives far away so I just have to remember to mail my gift in time), and then my daughter birthday party on the 27th because her birthday is on the 28th. Oh wait, I forgot she also has studio pictures in September. Which leads to October...
In the first 6 days of October we have a niece with a birthday, Jon's BFF's (and Layla's Godfathers) birthday, and one of my Godson's birthdays.
That doesn't count if I get a job, we move, or any one else comes up with any thing else we'll be needing to do... which you and I know always happens when you're booked.
Monday, July 28, 2008
My little LaylaBug,
You're not so little any more. This morning when you awoke at 6:30 am just like you do every morning I tried to buy myself a few more minutes of sleep by setting you on the floor in our kid proofed bedroom to play. I didn't realize that when daddy took his shower before work at 3:30 this morning he left the bedroom door not latched shut. I didn't figure this out when you quietly went to the door while I was closing my eyes for "just one more minute" and opened it and snuck into the bathroom where you take your baths. In that room you pulled down the pitcher full of your bath toys and played with them on the floor, unrolled some toilet paper and eventually woke me up by FLUSHING the toilet. Luckily no rubber duckies were flushed in the making of this funny story.
Being the mommy I am I took you down from the toilet and walked to your bed room where you followed me and pulled yourself up on the changing table. You knew it was time for a diaper change and didn't object when I took away your pacifier (which you can only have when you are tired now). You did however object very loudly 10 seconds later when I had the audacity to suggest you crawl behind me down the hallway to breakfast. So I had to carry you.
For breakfast you had a Gerber cereal bar and some banana. No more rice cereal for you. You demand independence while eating. Independence and to be allowed to watch Jack's Big Music Show while you eat in the morning. So I flipped him on. You "sang" along... a term I will use loosely to describe the loud "ahhh boo booo mmm mmm lalala" ing that takes place every morning here. You clap, wave your hands and drum on the tray for your chair. When you are done snacking you let me know by handing me your tray and trying to fall to your death off the couch... EVERY DANG MORNING. This has not trained me yet to feed you someplace else, you do get your stubborn nature from someone else afterall.
Then you play on the floor until your morning nap. The day carries on in a variety of different ways. We're pretty flexible around here until bedtime. Dinner happens around 5, when you spend time shoving food into your mouth and trying (much like Helen Keller in the old black and white movies) to grab food off other people's plates without them stopping you. We stop you. Nana on the other hand in weak.
Then you play a bit more before I strip off your food covered clothing and put you in the bath where you splash, scream "guck" (duck) repeatedly and overall cause havock while I wash you down and then when you try to stand up the 2nd time I pop the drain and out you go for a dry diaper and some pjs. Sometimes baths take an hour and sometimes they take 2 minutes...depending only on how long before you try to stand up. You like the water so much I see no point in ending a bath before you're ready.
Around 7 you get a bedtime bottle, which is now your only bottle of the day, we've made the cross to the sippy cup only except at bedtime, I think you'd do a sippy cup at bedtime too if I'd let you and probably we'll start that in the next month. The sippy cups don't make you cuddle though and I'll miss that part.
Somewhere between 7:30 and 8 you start becoming a little tiny control freak. Usually right after I decide you're starting to become a jerk you start rubbing you're eyes and it's off to bed in your crib. Most of the time you just go to bed but on the nights you fight it for too long Mommy caves from the crying and you get to cuddle in her bed. I'll say about 1 night a week that still happens. You usually sleep in your bed for most of the night, but if you wake up I move you into our bed because it's easier for me and you to get back to sleep. Plus, I like the way you cuddle against me until you're asleep then roll as far away as possible and consume as much bed as possible by spreading out in every direction.
You are 19 lbs and 30 inches of determination, independence and curiousity. You are overly friendly and will play with anyone who is interested in letting you get what you want. You love music, ravioli's, water (including freezing pools) jersey knit sheets, and standing up to talk along the furniture. You still dislike green beans, sleeping in other people's houses, cats and toys that vibrate.
You're hardly a baby anymore, almost one...walking... talking... asserting your way. You are happy, growing and learning every moment and that's the way it should be. You've got us wrapped around you're little finger and we love you more than words can say... more than all the words in the world could say. We love you because you are you. And that is perfectly unperfect.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
A very suprised Nana opened the door in her PJs (so there aren't going to be any pictures) and let us in...then she let Miss Laylabug touch everything in her house. From rocks in the candle arrangements to DVD's off the rack. She played piano and Nana gave her a purple pair of egg shakers she's still in love with today. She chased a little dog all over Nana's house until she finally caught it and then she just petted it and crawled away. She pulled herself up on every piece of furniture and made Chris nervous while she watched him on his laptop and then later watched Noggin on his laptop at the edge of the coffee table.
We went shopping and got lots of new baby clothes in 12 months (thank you Nana) and some toys for the pool. We also went to Amici's in Dublin which is one of Mommy's favorite places to eat and Layla at her first Big Girl Ravioli's there which she loved... almost as much as she loved the waiters spotted tie. Then we went back to Nana's and swam (picture provided by Vickie's Cell phone...sorry about the quality & I swear the sun was really in my eyes I'm not angry LOL) and then back to the house to try and take a nap but instead while Mommy and Nana played Backgammon, Layla played with the baby in the giant closet door mirror. Then at 6:30 we started the drive home and she fell asleep by the next exit off the freeway. It was good times.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I mean... how do I get this off my record because I have NEVER been evicted!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
It wasn't the sort of thing you could discuss before doing it. It was overwhelming just to be there much less to be the one that had to approach this disaster first. Do I pick up all the big things first so I'm making a bigger impact or do I start with the small things and work my way up? Some of them contemplated.
While some of them stood in silent awe, others paced in nervous anticipation. Some mumbled under their breath, while others still could barely breath. Maybe I'll just pick up the things closest to me and see if I can do something with them? A few of them mustered a clear thought from the haze of the morning ahead.
It was perfectly clear. What had been could be no more. What now? Clean up. But how? One piece at a time...
But what first. How? So many of them were stuck on the how. A few were even still stuck on the why me. Why me God, why do I have to be the one to deal with this now?
No answer came from the piles, no answer fell from the heavens, no one spoke, and if anyone was listening no one could feel it in their heart.
They were numb looking at their baggage piled around them, suddenly a visible reminder of what they had already come through. The little bags laying around the big ones. Some so tiny they looked like they should crush under the weight of all the other things around them. Some so big they knew no one man could carry them alone.
Is this all mine? surely not they imagined, I would remember all this.
Time faded most of their bags until only the tags marked them as their own. I'd almost forgotten. they'd whisper when they saw their own writing to remind them.
I'd almost forgotten and yet I was carrying this with me all along.
Sometimes you let other people be the reason you loose your faith. Sometimes you remember that other people aren't worth the trust you give them. Sometimes you forget everything you know.
Sometimes you wake up in the morning and it looks like every other day of your life and it's not.
But, just sometimes.
Monday, July 21, 2008
It wasn't a nightmare by any means. The diapers were free and we made it until the last 10 before it happened. I always knew it would happen. And there it was... a byproduct of bouncing and that early morning potty...
on my tile.
So I did what all good blogging moms do. I took a picture. Then I cleaned it up. Then I cleaned her up. Then I started writing this blog in my head.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I wonder sometimes if the thing we are waiting for isn't for God to let us know his plan but for ourselves to give up on the plan we as humans thought we'd have for ourselves.
Do we sometimes shrug off God's will for convenience while pretending to be blind to his gifts? If God was stalking you right at this moment would you even notice? Or would you always need just one more thing to know for sure....
What are we looking for? Floods? Burning bushes? A direct call from heaven?
When I was converting to Christianity I spent a lot of time being stalked by God. I could always shrug it off as just another thing that happened. Odd, how a thousand little notches can fall into place making a rung on a ladder and you can even start climbing that ladder but all the way your head will fight it.
This year I decided to just let go of my thoughts. It's been a constant struggle. Especially now when the thing I want more than anything just hangs in the balance of someone else making a choice.
So I wait, and while I wait I make a conscience decision to watch for God, not on the horizon, not in my heart, but right here in the loving people he has placed around me. It may not always be what I was expecting or what I thought I was looking for... but the little signs mean more to me at this point than any burning rose bush.
Monday, July 14, 2008
A list of bills that need to be paid with the next check.
A list of things to do before we watch my niece on Friday.
A list of things to pack for the wedding road trip to Arnold next week.
A list of things I would need to do if I want my daycare license.
A list of things I would like to do if we move to my MIL's house.
A list of papers I need to send in.
A list of things for the honey to do.
A list of recipes to try.
A list of people I'd invite.
A list of people I need to send thank you letters to still from the wedding and the baby.
A list of gifts that came at the wedding time that I have NO idea who they are from.
A list of important numbers.
A list of items I don't need but I want.
A list of TV shows I'd like to try and find on demand or on the internet.
A list of games I'd still like to own.
A list of reasons.
A list of quotes I'll never use now.
A list of jobs that are currently available on the internet to be applied for.
A list of jobs I've already applied for just in case the EDD asks.
A list of words the baby says on her website which is always out of date.
A list of milestones the baby does that is never long enough to describe the things I love the most about her.
A list of the people to send pictures to.
A list of pictures to print when my Costco card gets renewed.
A list of places to go this summer.
A list of places to go in my lifetime.
A list of restraunts I want to try.
A list of things I want to teach my daughter before she starts school
A list of items my daughter might want for her birthday.
A list of things I need to own if I want to own my own business.
A list of people to buy Christmas gifts for even though it's only July.
A list of items I will need for Layla's birthday party in September.
A list of ideas for Jon's birthday at the end of August.
A list of clothing my daughter doesn't have in the next size up so I can find it at yardsales.
A list of movies I'd like to own some day.
A list of pros and cons for family situations.
A list of things I wish I could say but that would really hurt someone else.
A list of dreams that I don't know what to do with and can't interpret on my own.
A list of personal goals to do before I am 50.
A list of things that only matter in my head.
A list of blog ideas I've never gotten around to writing.
A list of why it's not a good idea.
A list of lists on the internet in case I forget which ones I've already written.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Yesterday I took Layla to my father's to see her PaPa and to meet Miss Erin who she should have met a long time ago. She came home tired and dirty, so after a quick bath she was off to bed.
Today I took her to my Grandfathers where she played with the Great-grandparents and Great-Aunts/Uncles until she was slightly whiney. She fell asleep in the car and is still sleeping now that I transfered her to her crib.
At Great-grandpa's house she discovered puzzles. She's in love. She like lots of them. Big clunky ones. This one was a map of the US she played with it for at least 45 minutes. She also had dinner in a little red rocking chair which she completely loved.
Her busy week of trying new things and visiting with new people isn't over yet. Great Grandpa is having a birthday bash tomorrow for his 80th birthday and there will be about 100 people there. The day after that is a Cousin's first birthday party.
I'm loving getting out of the house and getting to talk while the baby is conveniently really distracted by someone else.
And now I'm off to be a busy bee... more posting later!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
I suppose none of these things would be that big of a deal except I had company. Aunt Flo was in town and it's been at least 4 months since I've really seen her. I wanted some time to rest and enjoy some chocolate with Aunt Flo but instead I spent the day doing damage control.
And you can tell Aunt Flo is family because she kept patiently waiting for the exact moment that I had time to myself to remind me that she was a thorn in my side.
But, at least now I don't have to worry about not keeping in touch with her.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
A year ago I was facing my first anniversary, my first child, and my first employment crisis. It went so fast. And with it, went the girl I used to be. I thought that girl was a woman...grown up, responsible, independent, witty and attractive but now looking back at all this year has taught me I think I must have underestimated the number of lessons God still wanted to teach me.
Despite being a hard year while I was living through it, now when I look back at it... it was more joy than fear, more hope than crisis, and more love than lecture. Don't get me wrong. There was drama. Relationships and expectations changed forever, some of them in ways that could never be taken back. But, as strickingly different as it is now, I wouldn't change it.
Ok maybe I'd change the part where my husband sleeps in the next room a lot because when he comes to bed the baby and I have sprawled out and taken all the good spots. Or I'd change the a few things I said or did so that my relationships with others could be a little more like they used to be, but who wouldn't do that. I might change the part where I lost the confident woman who was bigger and felt so curvy and sexy because when I lost her I became the kind of person who doesn't even put on makeup most days and can't remember how to flirt.
But, little changes only, the big stuff I'd keep it all. I'd keep the husband who knows most of the time exactly what would calm me down. I'd keep the baby who tried to climb into the dishwasher this morning to get a spoon to play with. I'd keep the friends who still manage to stop by or call. I'd keep the family that can take being called a douchebag and let it roll off their back. I'd keep all the blessed time I've been allowed to stay at home and the glimpse hope that I might find a way to do that forever. I'd even keep all the waiting to keep that part.
I NEVER thought I'd want to stay home. But, each day I am home it grows in me more. I didn't even know it was in there. Don't get me wrong, I'll go back to work. I'll just go back to work a different person. I'll go back to work as a person with a lot of people at home worth going home on time for.
What a difference a year makes!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Layla has taken to getting up at 5:30 in the morning and since she's discovered crawling, climbing, walking along things and talking loudly...well... let's just say when baby ain't happy ain't nobody happy. By today I was a zombie. I went to bed last night at 7:30 and slept till this morning at 6 am. Then I took a nap. I even dozed off once while text messaging while the boys played video games in the other room and the baby took a nap.
Tonight is my favorite TV night of the week. But I'm hoping that tomorrow night, I can get to bed early one more time. I've got several errands to run tomorrow which I am not looking forward to. But, Lord willing, they will all pan out well and I won't have to worry about having things to wear to any of the events above.
What does one wear to a wedding in the foothills? How about to an 80th bday party in 100 degree heat while holding a hot infant?
Things have been taking a lot of unexpected and welcomed turns over here lately so I'll post more on that later this week. Let's just say it might get a lot more crowded at our house...and no I'm not pregnant mom.
Friday, July 04, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I made Jon's mom's tuna macaroni salad (but I used mini Farfalle), I made brocolli salad, pretzel salad, new potato salad, and deviled eggs. I also prepped a veggie tray, a Courtney Corn Casserole and I have the stuff ready to make Lazy Housewives Cobbler and Chocolate Brownies.
Jon and I will also be having BBQ chicken but it's a bring your own meat BBQ so I don't have to worry about prepping for a large load of carnivores. By eliminating the meat from my budget, already having food on stock and having a lot of the salad stuff already we'll be having a party for around $60. That includes the $35 fireworks.
I'm very excited about Layla's first fourth of July and I'll make sure I take lots of pictures for her site.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Get up at 6 am (give or take 30 minutes) and have 1/4 of oatmeal mixed with 1/2 of a stage 2 Gerber packet of fruit (prunes w/ apples or apples w/ blueberries or bananas usually).
7 am 4 oz formula bottle before nap (Infamil Lipil)
after nap (9 ish??) snack on crackers (graham, gold fish, animal or sometimes ritz) and have 2 oz of juice mixed with 2 oz of water.
ok here is where it gets tricky. If (like now) we are teething we'll take another nap at 10:30 and lunch will be after it, in which case we have a 4 oz formula bottle before that nap. IF NOT then we stay up until 11:30 and have lunch...
11:30 or 12:30 (lunch depending on nap schedule) 1 Gerber Graduate lunch... usually pasta pickups and some fruit (standard diced peaches by Del Monte) or some of what I'm having if it's something she can eat.
2 pm (if she didn't take her nap until after lunch we would have that same 4 oz bottle now).
3 ish... afternoon snack. String cheese and fruit or string cheese and crackers or sometimes just string cheese and some juice... but usually string cheese and something.
4:30 ish my daughter starts to melt down...usually we do a 4 oz bottle now to keep her calm till dinner.
5-5:30 dinner... she eats what we eat. I supplement with fruit or veggies from Gerber as needed if we're having something not kid friendly. Which is rare lately.
6:30 4 oz bottle
7 pm bed
Since she was introduced to them this weekend. We've also added Gerber Cereal Bars with Fruit to our diet. Sometimes those replace a snack or are an extra snack if one is needed.
The main thing with my daughter is we play by her schedule for the most part. I know some people that are VERY rigid about food times, nap times etc. We are NOT those people. Snacks can always be had if you're hungry, an extra bottle is usually allowed, and meals can move as much as an hour an any direction if we're out of the house.
We are also very good about letting Layla eat until SHE stops eating. She's never had to clean her plate AND she's never had to stop because she'd already had one graham cracker. We'll just replace unhealthy snacks with things like Bananas if she wants to keep going.
So I crawl into bed, wet hair and worn pjs to snuggle with the wiggle worm. It takes 20 minutes of wiggle to go to sleep, twice that if she can see the light in the window. So I take the curtains and press them against the wall with my pillow and lay my head to create a curtain weight.
I cover and recover her with the sheet as she fights herself to get comfortable and comes to terms with the fact that it is bed time. Usually by this point she's been in a piss poor mood for at least 30 minutes before we even went to the bed. I hand back lost pacifiers, lull soothing songs and sometimes pat drum beats on the bed...that's her favorite.
Eventually her eyes get heavier, her breathing gets smoother and I watch as she fades into the fluffy comforter and stacks of pillows which she insists on slipping in. She presses them into her face and I occassionally lean forward a tad to make sure her nose is still out far enough to breath.
In baby babble she begins to coo to herself. Rhythmic noises which eventually mean she will be asleep. Right as they stop I hear it. I gasp, try to sit up straighter, jump into comforting position. But, it is too late, eyes glassed over with tired confusion look at me in bewildered frustration. I have tried to trick her into sleeping. She is suddenly aware.
Damn it. That stupid snore.
You know the one snore you let out right as you fall asleep and sometimes you hear it and don't care, othertimes you hear it and bolt awake hoping you aren't drooling in front of the tv.
I almost drifted off. So did she... but instead... we'll be starting that whole process over because of one... little... snore.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Also, Courtney started her food blog it's called A Pinch, A Dash and a Splash she's got one of my favorite recipes she's ever made up as her first post. We call it Courtney Corn Casserole, and I highly recommend you take a look at it if you are a food person.
Next, I'm looking for someone to try making these brownies who actually has baking skills and tell me if they taste good because if they don't I don't want to frustrate myself trying to make them but they sure do look good.
Now that I've covered food pretty well let's get some more randomness in...
Do your friends RSVP for things? Ours don't. At first they would and it really didn't matter because with a yes or a no answer there was still a 50% they'd do the opposite of what they told you. Now they don't RSVP at all. Especially, my husbands family. They are awful about it.
So my question is... you invite 25 people to a party. 6 RSVP yes, 4 RSVP maybe, and 1 RSVP no. What color are the busdrivers eyes? Oh wait... wrong math question... How much Brocolli salad, deviled eggs, and dessert do you make? I'm not worried about the macaroni salad (hubby will eat left overs of that) or the stuffed mushrooms, those always go fast. Sigh. I just can never tell.