Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Then it happened. In a tear filled call, I found out from my mom that she had been in a car accident and while she and her car where unharmed (relatively speaking) the pedestrian she accidently hit (who ran in front of her car in the dark...and was not her fault in ANY way) died. It was two days before Christmas when I found out.
There isn't much you can do from over 100 miles away when tragety hits. I offered to make the trip but she decided against it. She suprised us by forcing herself into the car to drive here on Christmas day to see the baby...and she's been here ever since. Baby therapy... it cures all grandma's broken hearts...at least a little.
And now I'm not so worried about how AT&T messed up my bill or how my car payment made us unreasonably tight... I'm worried about people feeling loved, about family being supportive and available...and about my mommy... because I'm a mommy too now... and I know sometimes love takes you a lot farther than you thought you could go.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The picture itself isn't the best of any of us. But, being as we only got to choose from the 3 pictures we took before Layla FREAKED out and wouldn't hold still...it's pretty good. I'm not that big, Jon's not that shiny and Layla's hair isn't that untamed. At least I'm going to keep telling myself that when I see that picture as I walk up the stairs.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I watch my daughter changing with every breath she takes and I wonder at what point I lost the ability to be that adaptive. I guess at some point when I wasn't looking I just woke up and felt like and adult. And with that adulthood came that struggle to remain stable and good. I miss it sometimes, the reckless abandon that comes with young life.
Responsible, predictable, grateful. These are the things you become when you grow mature. So why am I still holding on to the hope that some other people will do the right thing. Why am I still hurt by a woman who seems to think she could shrug something so hateful away with a two cent apology? Why am I still scared to trust things I do not understand?
Because resolutions and proclaimations don't change your heart. Because knowing something and feeling it like second nature takes time and practice. Because I am human. And I can change... if I just keep trying. Even if it's not as easy as it was when I was younger.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I figure once you get to the point where you can't push things off until NEXT WEEK you can just start counting your blessings instead of sheep and deal with what you've got.
What have I got?
A head cold.
Yay me! *sigh*
I woke up this morning with a runny nose and a sore throat. I feel a lot less energized than normal and I'm not looking forward to having to lay down in bed tonight and dealing with a runny nose at bedtime. But I have blessings to count...
God loves me.
My family and friends are around for the holidays.
There are presents under my tree when I thought there wouldn't be.
My pantry is full.
I am not surrounded by horrible financial crisis (just mild) or three feet of snow in the door jam.
I have hope.
I have come to terms with my lack of good fitting jeans.
My daughter sings "what's this what's this there's magic everywhere..."
My husband and I can still say the exact same thing at the exact same time like we used to when we were dating.
I have a job.
Christmas is here.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Some things had to be done so I'l still be squeezing in pics with Santa tomorrow and one last showing of a Christmas Carole next week! I'll make Christmas baskets and I'll beg Jon to give me one present on Christmas eve ...
But that's just busy little ole me!
Monday, December 15, 2008
This week Layla ate her first WHOLE apple. Not to say that she ate the whole thing but I gave it to her whole and she ate some of it. Which, is a monument I thought was video worthy for you all to see.
The new job is awesome but I feel like I am constantly slightly behind on things around the house, this is partially because I used to have all day every day to get things done and partially because I am ACTUALLY behind. *sigh* So imagine my suprise and overwhelming excitement when I arrived home from work today and discovered that Mr Mom had cleaned my entire kitchen and picked up the downstairs while the baby was down for her afternoon nap.
Tomorrow Layla stays home in the morning with Miss Erin and then spends the afternoon with Mr Mom (formerly known as the hubby) while I go off to work and it appears that now that we're in week TWO of mommy having a job that's a much less traumatic event. In fact today when she woke up from her nap and I was home...she pretty much could care less. I think she was over it by the time I took all day Saturday and Sunday cuddling her through the worst parts of her rash (which is almost gone now) *thank god*
I found out this week that I'll also have the 26th of December off (I'm taking a floating holiday along with the rest of the new hires at work). We'll all have a FIVE (yes I said 5) day weekend at the end of December followed by a THREE day work week and another FOUR day weekend. I love this job. I'm not just saying that because of the 2 minute commute (walking or driving). I'm not saying it because I'll have TWO health insurance plans which overlap either. I'm saying it because in general it's one of the nicest places I've ever worked (as far as making people feel wanted and important) and that's saying ALOT because I've worked a lot of nice places.
Lot's of CAPS LOCK in this post isn't there? Perhaps I need a few more *sighs* and *thanks gods* thrown in for good measure so I can really make this look like it was writen by a 16 year old girl.
This weeks contest won't start until WEDNESDAY!! You'll see why on WEDNESDAY!!
For the record my favorite Christmas movie is actually the old "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" cartoon.
Also...unrelated but related... Janelle I finally got back to responding to your comment on this weeks contest entry so you'll want to go back and read that. I haven't gotten your email yet.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
And to think... next week will be much of the same thing... just in a different order.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I've got bills, don't get me wrong but it's been awhile since I wasn't playing juggle that utility service. Starting this week the hubby and I will have alternating pay days. Which will be a nice change. It's when things get slightly normal that the weird shit bubbles up.
Last night the hubby and I had drama. Or I should say, I had drama and it was the hubby's fault and so he slept on he couch...because I asked him to. Today I'm feeling better about the situation... not so much so that I am over it but enough so that he might get to use his own pillow tonight.
It's the first time we've had real marital drama and it ended with 10 minutes of joking around before I sent him downstairs...so we'll survive...we always do.
Maybe it's that little white bill that's making me so optomistic... he should thank TID.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Last week for our contest we talked about our most desired wish list item. Our winner was Courtney...who will have to email me which type of coffee she wants (she knows the address). Courtney wanted a lot of neat things but mostly she wanted a cute boy under her Christmas tree...one btw which she is dating and lives far far away and her blogs about him are things I love to read over on her blog Practicing Patience. So horray for Courtney and we'll be praying for you and that boy under the Christmas tree problem.
This week I want to talk about your favorite Christmas movie. Every year my husband and I (and just I before I had a husband) have had a Back in the Day party for our friends. Everyone comes over in their PJ's and we watch a collection of Christmas movies (classics, claymation, cartoon and even modern or musical) and we eat lots of cookies (everyone has to bring a dozen) and I make foods from our childhood. It's always good times.
This year in the effort to scale back some we made the party much smaller with fewer people and we are only going to show three movies on a Sunday afternoon but we'll still be having that Back in the Day feel everyone has grown to love.
We won't however be showing my favorite Christmas movie.
This week our giveaway has 2 parts. You get 1 entry if you post a comment with your favorite Christmas movie in it. You get 1 more entry if you can correctly guess my favorite Christmas movie. Enteries must be in before midnight on Sunday and the winner will get a Hot Chocolate Sampler. Yummy!
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
This weekend is another fun one for us. Saturday I am hoping to take Layla to Christmas Tree Lane to walk around and to see the mini train here in town. On Sunday we'll be having our Annual Back in the Day party where everyone wears PJs, eats food from their childhood, brings cookies and watches movies that were popular when we were younger.
Also this week, I'm expecting my Christmas cards to arrive and once those are here I'll be dropping off some gifts (homemade) for family members in the area...probably on Saturday as well...before dark.
The realization of much simpler life is with a smaller Christmas is settling in all around me. The smaller tree isn't overwhelming in the living room and the few presents under it are easy to keep the kids away from. Boy I am glad God forced me to take this route.
Monday, December 08, 2008
If you are reading this, you are not on your way to work. I am not reading this...because I am.
Last week, the day after my job offer, my husband and I took another financial blow. But you know what... I have a job...and with that job comes a little hope.
So I'm off to work and I'll tell you all about it later.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
The Hound of Heaven
I fled Him down the nights and down the days
I fled Him down the arches of the years
I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind, and in the midst of tears
I hid from him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped and shot precipitated
Adown titanic glooms of chasmed hears
From those strong feet that followed, followed after
But with unhurrying chase and unperturbed pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat, and a Voice beat,
More instant than the feet:
All things betray thee who betrayest me.
I pleaded, outlaw--wise by many a hearted casement,
curtained red, trellised with inter-twining charities,
For though I knew His love who followed,
Yet was I sore adread, lest having Him,
I should have nought beside.
But if one little casement parted wide,
The gust of his approach would clash it to.
Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.
Across the margent of the world I fled,
And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,
Smiting for shelter on their clange d bars,
Fretted to dulcet jars and silvern chatter
The pale ports of the moon.
I said to Dawn --- be sudden, to Eve --- be soon,
With thy young skiey blossoms heap me over
From this tremendous Lover.
Float thy vague veil about me lest He see.
I tempted all His servitors but to find
My own betrayal in their constancy,
In faith to Him, their fickleness to me,
Their traitorous trueness and their loyal deceit.
To all swift things for swiftness did I sue,
Clung to the whistling mane of every wind,
But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,
The long savannahs of the blue,
Or whether, thunder-driven,
They clanged His chariot thwart a heaven,
Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn of their feet,
Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.
Still with unhurrying chase and unperturbed pace
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following feet, and a Voice above their beat:
Nought shelters thee who wilt not shelter Me.
I sought no more that after which I strayed
In face of Man or Maid.
But still within the little childrens' eyes
Seems something, something that replies,
They at least are for me, surely for me.
But just as their young eyes grew sudden fair,
With dawning answers there,
Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.
Come then, ye other children, Nature's
Share with me, said I, your delicate fellowship.
Let me greet you lip to lip,
Let me twine with you caresses,
Wantoning with our Lady Mother's vagrant tresses,
Banqueting with her in her wind walled palace,
Underneath her azured dai:s,
Quaffing, as your taintless way is,
From a chalice, lucent weeping out of the dayspring.
So it was done.
I in their delicate fellowship was one.
Drew the bolt of Nature's secrecies,
I knew all the swift importings on the wilful face of skies,
I knew how the clouds arise,
Spumed of the wild sea-snortings.
All that's born or dies,
Rose and drooped with,
Made them shapers of mine own moods, or wailful, or Divine.
With them joyed and was bereaven.
I was heavy with the Even,
when she lit her glimmering tapers round the day's dead sanctities.
I laughed in the morning's eyes.
I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,
Heaven and I wept together,
and its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine.
Against the red throb of its sunset heart,
I laid my own to beat
And share commingling heat.
But not by that, by that was eased my human smart.
In vain my tears were wet on Heaven's grey cheek.
For ah! we know what each other says,
these things and I; In sound I speak,
Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.
Nature, poor step-dame, cannot slake my drouth.
Let her, if she would owe me
Drop yon blue-bosomed veil of sky
And show me the breasts o' her tenderness.
Never did any milk of hers once bless my thirsting mouth.
Nigh and nigh draws the chase, with unperturbe d pace
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
And past those noise d feet, a Voice comes yet more fleet:
Lo, nought contentst thee who content'st nought Me.
Naked, I wait thy Love's uplifted stroke. My harness, piece by piece,
thou'st hewn from me
And smitten me to my knee,
I am defenceless, utterly.
I slept methinks, and awoke.
And slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.
In the rash lustihead of my young powers,
I shook the pillaring hours,
and pulled my life upon me.
Grimed with smears,
I stand amidst the dust o' the mounded years--
My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.
My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,
Have puffed and burst like sunstarts on a stream.
Yeah, faileth now even dream the dreamer
and the lute, the lutanist.
Even the linked fantasies in whose blossomy twist,
I swung the Earth, a trinket at my wrist,
Have yielded, cords of all too weak account,
For Earth, with heavy grief so overplussed.
Ah! is thy Love indeed a weed,
albeit an Amaranthine weed,
Suffering no flowers except its own to mount?
Ah! must, Designer Infinite,
Ah! must thou char the wood 'ere thou canst limn with it ?
My freshness spent its wavering shower i' the dust.
And now my heart is as a broken fount,
Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever
From the dank thoughts that shiver upon the sighful branches of my
Such is. What is to be ?
The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind ?
I dimly guess what Time in mists confounds,
Yet ever and anon, a trumpet sounds
From the hid battlements of Eternity.
Those shaken mists a space unsettle,
Then round the half-glimpse d turrets, slowly wash again.
But not 'ere Him who summoneth
I first have seen, enwound
With glooming robes purpureal; Cypress crowned.
His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.
Whether Man's Heart or Life it be that yield thee harvest,
Must thy harvest fields be dunged with rotten death ?
Now of that long pursuit,
Comes at hand the bruit.
That Voice is round me like a bursting Sea:
And is thy Earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest me.
Strange, piteous, futile thing;
Wherefore should any set thee love apart?
Seeing none but I makes much of Naught (He said).
And human love needs human meriting ---
How hast thou merited,
Of all Man's clotted clay, the dingiest clot.
Alack! Thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art.
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,
Save me, save only me?
All which I took from thee, I did'st but take,
Not for thy harms,
But just that thou might'st seek it in my arms.
All which thy childs mistake fancies as lost,
I have stored for thee at Home.
Rise, clasp my hand, and come.
Halts by me that Footfall.
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly?
Ah, Fondest, Blindest, Weakest,
I am He whom thou seekest.
Thou dravest Love from thee who dravest Me.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
In an instant I was a flashback reel on an old black and white movie of my own life, small with cold feet standing on the linoleum floors of my grandmothers kitchen watching her fret over a pot of fudge being made behind her by my aunt who kept tisking her away when she started to interfere.
Waiting. Christmas felt like waiting back then. Wait for school to get out. Wait for Christmas eve to get a present, jammies and a book. Wait for the sound of Santa, but fall asleep before he comes. Wait for morning to open your stockings. Wait for Dad to FINALLY get up to open your stockings. Wait for time to go to Grandma's. Wait for Christmas dinner. Wait for presents when everyone's had pie. Wait till later until you have another piece of fudge.
I could smell it, all of December. It smelled like fudge, but it was just a simple sort of love.
This is our tree. It has lights but you can't see them in this picture. The presents underneath are for Grandparents, Nieces, Nephews, and the LaylaBug (mostly her...she got 4). Our tree has an odd collection of family related ornaments. This year I didn't put on any garlands or Christmas Balls because I didn't have room...or the desire.
Friday, December 05, 2008
I've been leap frogged again...
and this time it was family.
My faux sister-in-law (Dad's girlfriend's daughter) will be watching Layla. Layla loves her. She calls her name when we get to Dad's house. So that makes me hope she won't be crushed when I'm suddenly gone all day again.
So this weekend...we'll be living a little large so I can get lots of LaylaBug in before I head back into the working world.
I have a girlfriend who lets me talk about nothing for long periods of time.
I have a friend who brings over movies when the cable doesn't work.
I have a husband who makes me laugh and does the right thing.
I have a job.
I have internet that is working (finally).
I have plans to take my daughter the the Turlock Christmas Parade tonight.
I have hope.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
I'd much rather be grocery shopping and getting a Christmas tree today. On the upside I have an unemployment extension for now while I look for a Job being as the J O. B hasn't bothered to call me back.
Tomorrow I have a city job test in a nearby town and it's the downtown Christmas lights parade parade I've never missed here in the little town we live in so at least I have things to worry about to distract me from the things I shouldn't be worried about.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Teaseburger you won Words of Grace and a 1 lb bag of coffee from starbucks (email me what flavor-you know my email)! Congratulations!
This week tell me what item you desire most on your wishlist and get a chance to win a 1 lb bag of starbucks coffee and a copy of ygr party girl cookbook.
Leave a comment to enter or post on your blog and link in the comments! Contest ends Sunday Dec 7th at midnight!
I NEED an extension, I need to talk to a human, here's an idea how about you hire some unemployed people to answer the fucking phones!
This is ridiculus! No one should feel this sort of fear and anger over just trying to get help they qualify for! I suppose when I die of stress related causes my family can sue you, at least then they can eat and pay rent!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
At bedtime she asks for her cow which was supposed to stuff a stocking but instead is her new bedtime stuffy. I see it now, how alive Christmas is now that she is old enough to see it with her own magical eyes.
Baby Jesus, I show her in the manager on the piano surrounded by sparkling lights and at night I tell her "goodnight Baby, mommy loves you, daddy loves you, baby Jesus loves you." on the nights Jon works and can't say goodnight on his own. Someday that will be a comfort to her but now it's just words... Just like last year Santa was just a guy in a red suit and this year he is a visual reminder of joy and an emotional trigger to happiness.
It's evolving, my Christmas spirit, from a sense of obligation to new eyes watching with the wonder and excitement of a child. My child.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Everytime I look at this passage I see God telling us what to be in our every day life to show our children religion. He doesn't talk about loading into the minivan and carting them off to the stepford women in the church nursery. He doesn't tell us where to send them on Wednesday nights to recite things over and over until their faith is trained in them like a soldier headed to battle.
God calls us to nurture our children. He calls us to see examples of him in every day life and to point them out to our children and then to talk to them about them when we are home and they feel safe. He calls us to teach them to pray, to love, to forgive, to worship... from our homes and from our day to day journeys.
Do you know why? I think I do. I sit in church and I look around me at a hundred faces. Some of them are really there, really listening but some of them are searching and some of them still are there blankly waiting for the time to pass. I see people who say 'but I'm a good Christian' just before they get in their car and cut someone off in the parking lot impatiently cursing the two second delay.
God knows we can fake it.
I think he calls out to us to be more than a Sunday sermon. He calls out to us to be his voice on Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday and every other day of the week. He calls on each of us to be our own kind of Christian so that while you give your personal witness to the people who are just like you... I can give my sermon to someone who is just like me.
Because somewhere out there is someone who is lost, just like I once was, and they curse like a sailor but they love like a mother lion and they are waiting for someone to call them aside and tell them "it's ok to curse when you pray because God already knows you and loves you and he knows you curse... but he wants to hear from you anyhow".
So while he sends you to Raley's on Friday afternoons or to baseball games or to the opera or to where-ever God sends you, I'll be talking to the hippy chicks, the attachment parents, the library staff, the farmer's market vendor and the girl with the spider tattoo... because that's what he put me here for... and that's what he's asked me to show my daughter.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
By 11 Jon was showered, food was cooking and the baby was up so I got her dressed and then I took my shower. I finished up plating my share of Turkey Day for my Dad's house (garlic mashed potatoes, candied yams, deviled eggs, cranberry relish and three pies-pumpkin, coconut cream and chocolate cream) and we loaded ourselves into the car.
We got to my Dad's at noon and visited, cooked, watched Jack's Big Music Show (we don't get it at home anymore) and then we ate... LOTS and the baby played inside and outside and with every person she could find (Pa, Papa, Teri, Erin, Red, Earl, Daddy, Mommy, Dustin, etc).
When she started to melt-down (around 6) we headed home and she got a quick wash off with a washclothe and put to bed because she was EXHAUSTED. I uploaded some pictures to her site and sent a couple emails to people about the pictures they took today (and thanking them for wonderful meals) and now it's 8 pm and I'm in my jammies already...thankful for a loving husband, great family time, good food...and the pillow I'm about to go lay on.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the people who taught me to live, love, laugh and keep learning even when I thought I knew it all.
I am thankful for the friends who called and stopped by even when my little light was dim. I am thankful for the family who taught me the value of loving people well and the work ethic to keep moving forward. I am thankful for my husband who waited patiently even when he wasn't sure what he was waiting for. I am thankful for my daughter who reminded me that life is brilliantly new and constantly changing every single day.
Mostly, I am thankful to God for giving me a set of everday angels to remind to love, to teach me to change, to be honest with their own weakness so that everyday we could find the strength to worship him a little better.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us. ~ Hebrews 12:1 ~
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The toddler kit includes:
a change of baby clothing including matching socks
a burp cloth (even though we don't normally need them)
diaper rash cream & sunscreen
4 diapers & a travel pack of wipes
1 toddler warm up meal (you know like a gerber graduate) & a couple packs of snacks
an empty sippy cup and an extra pacifier
1 bottle of water
We keep a blanket in the trunk too because you never know when you'll have to change a diaper in a parking lot or want to sit at a park or when someone will be cold in the back seat and want a snuggle.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
1. I won't eat brussel sprouts. When I was little my parents tried to make me and I reinacted the scene from Pultergiest with the split pea soup. No brussel sprouts.
2. I actually have dreams where I am eating garlic goat cheese on club crackers while drinking pepsi with ice and reading a book by the ocean. *Pathetic*
3. I'm allergic to citrus fruits so I have to watch what I eat. Not long ago I hugged a little kid and had a citrus burn hand print on my neck for 3 days.
4. I'd rather eat milk chocolate Hershey bars than expensive chocolate.
5. I buy organic when I can and when it's priced reasonably. When I go back to work we'll be going back to mostly organic like we were before I lost my job.
6. I love food so much I made a website called FatGirlEats to post recipes from my life and childhood on. My favorite recipe there right now is for Cranberry Relish like my Aunt Penny used to make on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
7. I remember times in my life by the things I ate during those times. I once catered a party back when I owned LadyWickedCatering and I served this salad that had a horseradish salad dressing with blue cheese in it. I remember the way it felt in my throat while I laughed flirting with a serving person.
8. I'm such a big girl that I think about what I'll be eating for dinner all day long. Sometimes I think about it so much I over-eat at dinner. If I have plans with someone and they cancel I'm bummer but if it was lunch or dinner plans which I have been thinking about all day I tend to take it personally.
9. I can't make good meatloaf. It frustrates me so much I won't even order meatloaf when I go out now. Stupid meatloaf.
10. I used to make homemade fudge with chilli pepper in it. I had to stop making it because when I did I would eat the whole pan, and then because I felt bad about eating the first pan I'd make another... and so on... until I was sick to my stomach.
Now I'm supposed to tag 5 people who like food...
I tag Lynn, Stacey, Courtney, Mel & Candace... (if they want)
Friday, November 21, 2008
Truth be told this is the first year I feel like my Christmas cards aren't controlling my future. I'm not dreading it. I guess it's the married with children aspect of my life, I have something to write about and send a picture of.
This year, like last year, I'll be doing the photo card. Last year we did the family picture but this year it will just be Layla. And I'm typing up a little newsletter that will fit on half of a piece of paper. Broken down by month, listing things we did throughout the year.
I'm going to write something personal in each card. This year I really cut back our list which I am truly happy about.
I'll be sending my cards the first day of December and then I won't have to think about them again.
But, at the moment, I need to get that list typed into labels...so I'm off to the keyboard.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I mean afterall... men read stories to their kids all the time. They tuck people in bed and chase them around the living room floor on their hands and knees. Men make the baby giggle and men make you a soda while their in the kitchen.
But only MY MAN can make me laugh by making OUR DAUGHTER laugh just like he does when he's had too much to drink.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
This week we're talking about Christmas Music. We've had the Christmas Music Channel on our cable network since the day after Halloween. I didn't start listening to it until about a week ago, but we've listened to it everyday.
For this weeks contest you need to leave me your favorite Christmas song in the comments.
Only one entry per person.
I'm giving away a copy of Words of Grace (which is a great book) and a 1 lb bag of coffee from Starbucks.
Good Luck. As usualy this contest ends Sunday night.
And last weeks winner?
Janelle.... you go girl!
Send an email to me at alliejeffery (at) gmail (dot) com with your address. Thanks!
I know... she's 1 but I like crafts and she likes playing with me during my craft time so I thought it was time she did a craft of her own.
I'm going to purchase wooden ornaments from Michael's for around 50 cents each. Mommy will paint them all white. Then Layla will get a paintbrush with red or green paint that she can sprinkle, dab or smear to her hearts content. Then mommy is going to put some glue around the edges and let her dip them in glitter.
Total cost... less than 75 cents a piece. But, they are a priceless lesson. It's a lesson started very young about how a hand made gift is worth more than a store bought one. It's a lesson about how hard work can make something beautiful. It's a lesson for Mommy about how to not curse when glitter is all over the kitchen.
And it Works for Me and my BUDGET! For more WFMW posts click here.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
At first it was no big thing. Then I contemplated stopping her because it was messy. But after awhile I decided to see how long she'd play alone.
Did you hear me internet people??
So I decided it will be a Tuesday thing around here. From now on during Toddler Tuesday I will not be following my child around trying to contain the chaos that threatens my sanity. Instead, I will let her do what she wishes (within reason) and see how her mind wraps around freedom.
Sometimes attachment parenting is about letting go...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sloppy Joes and Tater Tots (as requested by the boys)
Pork Chops and Mashed Potatoes with Green Peas
Beef Stew and Biscuits
Black Bean and Cheese Tostadas
Spanish Chicken and Courtney Corn Casserole
Grilled Cheese and Vampire Hunter Soup
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I, on the otherhand, who BEG to sleep in every day for the last few months. I woke up at 6:15 that morning. I laid in bed after the sun came up, and I waited because she normally is up until around 6:30 am.
Then around 6:45 I started to worry. So I snuck into her room and checked to see that yes in fact she is still breathing.
And then I waited, because after over a year of being a mom I don't have the ability to sleep in past when the baby normally gets up. I contemplated how similar I felt to that dog that drooled when the bell rang in Pavlov's home. Then I tried to get comfortable again.
But nothing happened. You can't snooze being a mom. I just sat there willing her to sleep until she was happy to be awake. Willing myself to go back to sleep. And staring at the ceiling against my will because I just wanted to get up and start our day together.
I'm done. There is nothing left for me to do... why you ask?
Because they are doing a background check and testing my references and if they come back normal (which they should) then they'll make me pee in a cup and I will start the first week of December.
They didn't give an offer letter but she told me "we'd like to hire you pending a background check and a drug screen". She told me about the benefits and the pay.
Funny thing... I have another job offer pending. Isn't that how it goes?
This offer is literally 2 blocks from my home and the hours are good and the pay is ok. It's literally just enough.
The other position is a 30 minute commute but they pay is a little better. The hours are a little better too but at a weird time of day.
So I'm going to take job 1 unless job 2 offers me untold amounts of money or PTO or something. Because...well job 1 is looking closer to a sure thing first AND it's 2 blocks from where my baby will be.
Lunches at home & what not are very appealing now that I'm a mother.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I look at Layla, confident one moment and shy the next. I watch Jon, calm and playful while he teachs her how life should be. I see myself, comforting and nurturing in the early morning hours. And I wonder...
Is this us? Is this it? Is this what it is going to be forever. Will there be another? Could I really love another one the same? Is it perfect now...
Should I be doing more...less... differently...
Friday, November 14, 2008
“Poor small town girl, what have you gotten yourself into.” I said to the face starring back at me.
She said nothing. Her exasperated face eyed me for something more. But there was nothing more to show her.
“You should stop doing this to yourself you know.” I said with an exhausted sigh of contempt.
I watched her sigh, still watching me, expecting something. But there was nothing to expect. I had given her all I could and I was walking away this time. She knew it, you could see it in her stance. Her body language said goodbye even when she said nothing.
I stole one last glance at her before I turned to leave. I half expected her to yell out to me, to tell me something to make me stay but she didn’t. She couldn’t she was frozen and powerless. This time I was stronger than her. I could feel it when I turned away, my back to her as I walked out the door.
Today I was gone. That shattered girl in the mirror might as well have watched me walk away, I don’t know if she did… I didn’t look back.
They were the first part of you I ever saw. You were black and white and fuzzy and they couldn't locate you with the ultrasound so I pointed and said her feet are right here. At which point the tech said I couldn't know that because you were too little. But he stuck the thingy there anyhow and there you were. You were two tiny feet at the end of two very long legs. You were suddenly so much more real.
My test is at 8:30 and any prayer would be greatly appreciated because I'm nervous.
Have I mentioned I need a J O B very badly?
This one would do quite nicely thank you very much.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
It weighs heavily on my mind. Shouldn't I have my shit together by now? 30. Shouldn't my faith be stronger? 30. Shouldn't my body look better? 30. I joke that at 30 I'll be 1/3 of the way finished with my life. Shouldn't that feel like an accomplishment instead of a goal? 30.
I thought I'd find thirty, beautiful... confident... sure of who I was. Instead I find 30 searching, grasping and unsure of where to go next.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
1. THE FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT- I take a box which is opened on top (no flaps) and wrap the entire inside and outside with Christmas paper. Then I fill the bottom with shredded paper (or other filler) half way. Inside the box I arrange (1) Traditional Family movie- I usually use an older classic movie or a gift certificate to rent or purchase a movie if I don't know the family well (1) Jiffy Pop popcorn skillet (1) package of Twizzlers or M&M's (sometimes both) and a jar filled with homemade cocoa mix with a small Christmas cylophane container of marshmellows (you can even get them shaped like Christmas trees.
2. THE FAMILY GAME NIGHT- For this one I take a board game (which is in a box) and wrap it. Then I find 4 boxes that can stack (smaller) like a pyramid on top of that box. In 1 box I put soda or tea mix or cocoa mix and the fixings with some cookies or brownies. Then the next box up I put a bunch of small bags of chips. The top box I put a prize in. I wrap each box and then tie the stack with ribbon in a pyramid. I put a big tag on the front saying that only the WINNER of the game can open the top box.
3. THE FAMILY CRAFT- For this project I buy a small plastic tub (shoe box size) and I fill it with all the items necessary to make homemade Christmas decorations (precut foam, paint and brushes, glue, kids scissors) and then I make a cute typed set of instructions for a Kid friendly craft and place them on top of tub. I close the tub and wrap it. The best one I ever did I gave the family a disposable camera, a $12 giftcard to get film developed and the supplies to make foam picture frame ornaments for the tree using this years pictures for next years tree.
4. THE FAMILY FOOD FUN- Make sugar cookies in assorted shapes. Don't decorate them. Place them on a round platter in the shape of a wreath. Buy puff paint containers at the craft store and fill each one with a different color of decorating frosting. Put a small tub of base frosting in the middle of your wreath, a few small tubes of different colored puff paint frostings and sometimes I even add a few tubes (or baggies) of sprinkles. Wrap the whole platter with green plastic wrap and tie it with a big red bow. Drop it off to family and friends and let them spend a night decorating cookies. (To upgrade this gift I have given it with disposable cameras or kid aprons to add more value to it)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
This weeks contest begins today and ends Friday November 14th at Midnight (CA time), winners will be announced Sunday November 16th.
It's only 6 weeks until Christmas which means I've already got a list made of the items I'll be cooking for Christmas dinner so that I can find them all before the Christmas rush and store them away in my pantry or freezer (if that's an option).
I think one of the things which tastes the most like Christmas to me is the Sweet Potato recipe my Grandma Gerty taught me to make when I was 8. That recipe will be up on FatGirlEats on Friday if anyone wants it.
This week you can enter our contest 3 ways.
1. Leave a story about your favorite recipe in our comments (or a link to your blog with the story) = 1 entry
2. Leave the story AND the recipe for your favorite Christmas dish = 2 entries
3. Leave the story AND the recipe AND link back to this contest = 3 entries
What will you win? It's a mystery box. It's filled with some of my favorite Christmas tastes and it's valued at $20.00. I'll tell you what's in it on SUNDAY when I announce the winner. Interesting no?
Monday, November 10, 2008
I really want a job now. I believe in you, I really do. But, I'm scared and I feel very alone and vulnerable. Could you help me out with that?
Your favorite sinner
Sunday, November 09, 2008
#4 was JJSweep.
JJ email me at alliejeffery (at) gmail (dot) com and let me know what flavor coffee you would like and your mailing address!!
Tune in Monday for Giveaway week #6!!
Tomorrow we will be writing about something we're thankful for that happened to SOMEONE ELSE!
It's not about you. Understand?
So make your post and come back and leave a comment... (or leave a comment if you don't want to post) and tell us what you're thankful for.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
I shut the garage door on the bumper of my car. My daughter had a melt down before her afternoon nap. Needless to say I was wondering if the day could get any worse.
Then it happened. My phone rang and I could feel change in the air. I don't know why I felt that way I just did. I got a job interview Friday afternoon. Then with a little hop in my step I went to work trying to get the baby to say the world "sarah" and while we were playing "ssssss aaa aaah" the phone rang again. I got another job interview (phone) Friday afternoon... earlier.
I already had lunch plans Friday so I was excited by two things...the thrill of having things to do and the prospect that I might be employable. Forget voting (I already did absentee...but you know what I mean) this was getting exciting.
After the hubby got home I got a mystery unknown number call and when I held my breath for a credit collector I found myself talking to YET another INTERVIEW. I know. Be still my heart. This one was for tomorrow.
Still no word from the J O B down the street. But I'm feeling better about the prospects. And that's something isn't it.
"Doesn't it seem odd that by the time our daughter is old enough to vote, selecting a black man will be no big deal...because it's already happened in her first year of life."
By the time she is 18 your ethnicity won't matter as much as it did this year. 2008. The year I voted for change and the world did change because we all believed in "yes I can". I didn't vote for a Democrat, I didn't vote for a black man, I voted for something bigger... I voted for "unyeilding hope" because right now I could use some...and so could most of the other people I know.
In 20 years this topic won't phase her. Just like casting my ballot doesn't phase me as much as the women who not so long ago stood with signs asking for that same opportunity.
And the world changed... and we were there.