Thursday, April 29, 2010
Breastfeeding has been working out well. We're supplementing with formula because I'm not a blue ribbon jersey cow and my milk production just doesn't cut it. I know I could take things to increase my production but this works well with having a toddler to take care of too so I think we'll stick with what we've got.
Anyah had her first Dr's check up yesterday. She gained an ounce and they checked her for jaundice. We were prescribed sunshine. It's cheap & Layla loves a reason to go outside so that was a nice sigh of relief.
Layla has taken to having a baby sister pretty well. She gets a little needy for attention every once and awhile and has figured out the easiest way to get that attention is to push Mommy or Daddy's buttons but that is normal. She especially likes being a helper. She brings me things and takes things to the trash for me. She's very into 'high fives' and 'knuckle bumps' as rewards so the labor is cheap.
I wanted to go to the park the other day but woke up to find that an 80 degree day was followed by an overcast and nasty day. It's been bleak here ever since so we still haven't made a family trip to the park although we did manage one short walk this week and last night we did a short car trip just to get out of the house for a minute. We're all road trip people... the car is one of our family happy places.
It's 9 or so days until the local farmer's market opens up. I am super excited about that. I don't mind flea market produce but the farmer's market is always more tasty and definitely more local.
Until then the plan at our house is to lay around in our pajamas, try to maintain a neat house despite the toddler being wild and crazy with the imaginative play and adjusting to our new cuddly baby (man this kid likes to be warm and held). Good times... blessed times.
Monday, April 26, 2010
I was worried about a gap. I was worried I would love one more than the other. I was worried there wouldn't be enough love to go around.
As a baby grew inside me I felt my attachment to it grow. As I waited for her arrival I felt myself mourn the relationship with my only child as I knew it would change. It was an organic change I know...but it scared me.
The moment Anyah arrived I noticed it. My love changed. It was like my soul had compartments and hers just opened and the love it had always been there waiting to be assigned. It was her love waiting to meet her.
Her love met Layla's love in a special place in my heart and it mixed. I can't tell it apart anymore. I couldn't within moments of having two daughters.
I brought Anyah home. Layla and Anyah met. Their love mixed, their hearts opened, their souls already knew each other they were just waiting for their time together.
I have a toddler who is giving (she brings her gifts) and playful (she tickles her toes and boops her nose). I have a toddler who is whimsical, intellegent, dependent and full of courage. I have a baby she is calm, open, trusting, and waiting for her other life skills to show themselves.
I have daughters, two sisters... who already know the sound of each other. They know each others cries and try to heal each others broken hearts. They have the same nose, the same angry face and the same grace. They are growing together every day and I feel so blessed.
They have love because they are love, it's what they were made from.
Strange as it sounds the procedures before surgery scare me worse than surgery. So when the nurses came into give me my actual IV and catheter I was a little bit of a mess. Jon held my hand and kept me breathing calmly while the nurses were totally sweet about talking me through the totally lame process of getting an IV and getting a cath.
Suddenly, it was time and I walked to the operation room with a nurse while Jon got into that special protective jumpsuit they make Daddy's wear in the operating room. I got a spinal tap. The process was calm. The staff talked to me the whole time. I laid down and went numb. They strapped me to things. Eventually the Dr came in and talked to me while she prepped me for surgery. Then they sent for Jon.
Within minutes of Jon's arrival they got started and at 10:01 p.m. Anyah was born. Anyah cried the minute they pulled her out. I may have cried a little at the sound. I know in my head I said a small prayer and thanked the Lord. The experience is totally different when your child comes out screaming and pink.
Anyah was taken aside and checked while Jon talked to me and the nurses. The Dr started putting me back together. I kept asking silly worried Mom questions. I wanted a finger and toe count. I wanted to know how big she was. I wanted to see her. It seemed like it took forever for Jon to be able to get up and take her picture which he immediately brought over to show me on the camera and once she was nice and clean they brought her over to show me.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
My OBGYN wanted to have a closer look at my current health being as last time my liver issues were so sudden and severe. We went to EMC and did an OB check and a full blood panel (but I hadn't ate or drank in awhile so it took 3 tries (the third of which was in my hand- OUCH) to get those blood panels).
My blood pressure is all over the place, high then low...steady and then sometimes irratic. Anyah is lovely as always.
As a safety precaution it looks like my c-section will be moved up. But, not to today. Today we got to go home to take another 24 hour urine test, another OB test tomorrow and an appointment with my OBGYN on Friday will let us know when.
It was a long long day, especially for Jon...who got up for work today at 3:15 and has to do it again tomorrow...poor guy.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
But oh the start, Bee-aaa-uutiful... a giggling toddler waking rested and wanting to climb all over me with kisses and pretend puppy dog play. Cuddling in bed under cool comforters and hearing stories spoken in broken toddler words about dreams that only she understands. Dancing in her Pjs. Pancakes with extra butter and syrup that I didn't have to make.
Then the end, a suprise visit from a girlfriend where my daughter played well with the baby and didn't get too jealous of Mommy and Daddy giving the baby attention when it was there to visit. A toddler then crushed when the friend and baby had to go. Good signs?
Followed by dinner with friends. BBQ that was yummy. A child that while she ran up and down the hallways (SO MUCH ROOM) was actually pretty well behaved, not very itchy and overall a good kid. Talking in the kitchen. Visiting on the couch. Feeling the baby kick all stirred up by red meat for dinner and ice cream for dessert.
DVD TV shows with the hubby in clean pajamas before bed. Time alone in a quiet and cool house to blog.
A very full heart.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Our back patio has evolved in the last month from a place no one ever went to her quiet place. I get that. Jon and I both need some quiet time. He likes his outside. Cool.
So now what used to be overgrown ground cover, spider webs and dust is bark and kiddie pools, sand boxes, shade umbrellas, chalk covered patio concrete and a collection of little cars, riding toys and balls that never seem to find their way back inside.
I can sit at the desktop computer in the kitchen and watch her play. The patio is too small and well kept to get into much trouble but she still tries occassionally. Or I can sit outside in the cool morning air and watch the sand slowly coat my kid while the morning sun makes her cheeks rosy. My choice.
The more time Layla spends on the patio the more I want a real yard. The patio is too small for a 2 yr old to ride a tricycle well. It's too small for a swing or a slide or anything to climb on. So she runs back and forth like an animal in a fresh air filled cage. I want her to have a bigger cage. I want her to explore further. I want grass to set out on with the baby while she plays.
It's funny how her little day dream trips outside set me off day dreaming of something else. She's perfectly content with the tiny patio with the hot pink sand box but I know she'd love more... wouldn't we all.
Why is it even being content can make us discontent?
Friday, April 16, 2010
This last two years has been financially difficult but Jon and I both earned gold stars in marital relations because we've handled most of it like troupers. In fact, I just had a talk with a girlfriend about how different my marriage is than some...we have had about 2 whole real arguements ever and although sometimes someone loses their cool we seldom do it on the same day or at the same tmie so we have a pretty adult interaction record so far. Hooray for us! This will be one less stresser gone and some temporary relief while I am still out on maternity/SDI. Eventually, it will become day care funding.
It took longer than I thought for Jon and I to figure out a slightly stable standing point. We got rid of cable over a year ago. We cut back our cell phone plans because we mostly text anyhow. We don't spend a lot of money eating out or going out to do things. We've lost time with friends over the fact that we are now boring married people with a kid who never go do anything. But, when we go do something I think we actually enjoy it more because it gets to feel special because it's not something we did last Friday and the Friday before that.
We've taken risks. We've made bad decisions. And more than once we've made a step forward only to take 3 steps back. So I won't be suprised if something changes and this "phew me made it post" just makes another white line in the sand with another race to finish for us to get started on... but at least I get to enjoy the thought of it for today...right?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I didn't fall for everything. We never had a wipes warmer for instance and somethings we bought as we went so I didn't have stacks of toddler stuff all over my house fully assembled befoer I even had a baby at home. I had learned some stuff from watching a few of my girlfriends. But I did fall for a lot of stupid things and because Layla was early there was some stuff I didn't get to do or didn't expect that haunted me for awhile after she came.
For instance, her room was ready and I had made a hospital bag to put in the car. It just wasn't in the car and it was USELESS (seriously who makes those lists of what to bring online). Jon got my bag for me and after 2 days in the hospital all I had used was my bathroom stuff and my cell phone charger and I had this HUGE pink bag of stuff I never even looked at. I did not *personally* need candles, and music, and pictures. I never once played cards or read a book/magazine before or after she came. We didn't eat the snacks. Maybe that's just us. If it helps you to have a 30 lb bag to take to and from the hospital more power to you.
This time I packed and planned a lot differently. I have a hospital bag. It has an outfit to wear home and some PJs just in case I want to dress up instead of letting my recovery ruin the nice free hospital gowns (I doubt it). This time I did remember to pack socks and a pair of ugly underwear (or 4) because last time I had to have someone bring me socks and I ruined good undergarments on the ride home. I packed my camera with an extra battery and memory card and the charger for the camera battery and my phone. I packed a toiletries bag. I packed exactly 1 book and mostly it's there this time because EMC has an H1N1 policy that will keep me from having any visitors other than my husband post delivery which means I'll spend some time alone while Jon is taking care of Layla at home. So it's a back up plan.
Last time, I had a lot of expectations. Too many years being a nice girl raised by old fashioned women I expected a TLC baby story reception for my bundle of joy. Up until my delivery, whenever someone had a baby I went to see them in the hospital. I took a small gift. I also went to see them when they got home, and I took them a casserole or a pot of something. That's what people do. I saw it on TV. My grandmother did it. My Aunt did it. No one did that with Layla. We got exactly NO homecooked meal bearing visitors. (I have since stopped taking people food because OBVIOUSLY this is so 1950's it was stupid and everyone must have thought I was crazy). But we also really didn't get many visitors at home (bonding time I guess). This time with people not being able to see us at the hospital I know people will come to the house first chance they get so I have the hubby cleaning the carpets soon and I have prepped the fridge/pantry with things *I* can cook easily while recovering from a C-section and while having house guests.
The main thing that's different this time is the Layla factor. I know I have a toddler who isn't going to see me for 3 days when Anyah comes and when I come home she's going to be all about attention and climbing on me post surgery. She'll also be rebeling from a lot of time with Nannie (which has less rules) and adjusting to a new person here. I have no way to prepare for that other than prayer. I guess next time I'll have those lessons learned to.
So yesterday someone asked me what my advice for a 1st time mom would be... here it is...
1. worry about you and baby...every one else will cope
2. don't plan for help but accept it if it comes over
3. you don't need to buy the entire baby section of Target, play smart not hard.
4. hand mittens suck as do most baby towels and you will hardly ever use them
5. not every baby is the same (some swaddle, some hate it/some co-sleep, some use a crib better/ some breast feed, some can't or won't) so do what feels right because in the end you're the one you have to spend the rest of your life with
6. ignore advice, even this advice, if you want to
I got up at 7:15, I woke up a little before that but I waited for Jon's alarm to go off because I got up so many times to pee last night I was still tired. I, of course, went pee again because nothing says 9 months pregnant and antibiotics like peeing 400 times a day.
Then Jon got up and got into the shower because he works a mid-day shift today and didn't have to go to work until 8:30. While he was in the shower I got dressed because the only reason I was out of bed before Layla woke up is because a nice man was coming to fix the power/garage door today.
Getting dressed woke up the baby (7:30) and we head downstairs after she tells me not once or twice but FIVE times that daddy is in the "chower" (shower) and we open up all the blinds and unlock the door because Nannie also arrived at 7:30 with donuts to keep watch over us while I am still on partial rest.
8:00 we've had some donuts. We've watched some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Layla has started entertaining herself with left over Easter Egg candy which she refuses to eat but enjoys sorting on the couch, counting, pretending to cook in her play kitchen and pouring back and forth between random containers.
By 8:30 I've started a pot of beans for lunch/dinner today. I wanted to make them yesterday but never got around to it because I had an errand to run and a Dr's appointment followed by a trip to Target to fill a prescription. I didn't eat much last night because dinner didn't appeal to me so I am STARVING.
9:25 the baby is still watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and playing with her collection of small rubber balls in the living room when the "electrical guy" arrives. Turns out there was a miscommunication and he only does garage doors not power outlets. He and I head out to the garage while Nannie entertains Layla to discuss our garage door issues.
*side note* the garage door has been opening and closing itself for MONTHS and sometimes it does it several times an hour. When we leave we have to unplug it because we have come home before to it wide open. Luckily no one has ever walked through the garage and helped themselves to our stuff. Also, luckily, no one has ever broken down the very cheap door between the house and the garage and robbed our house. But it freaks me out. We thought it was the frequency of the remote so we kept changing channels. No dice. After trying everything we could think of the landlady finally sent someone to look at it. *end side note*
I decide to go check on the garage door guy at 9:45 and he says the box in the garage may have gotten wet at some point because it just doesn't look right. The button by the door is also wired badly, his recommendation, replace the box, reprogram the remotes and rewire/replace the button. So I let him do that. But, we only have 1 remote at home right now. So Mom loads the toddler into her car to run to Jon's work to get the second one.
Mom arrives back to find the guy "didn't want to wait" so he taught me to program Jon's remote. If I had known that I wouldn't have sent her...but I digress. 10 am finds me standing on a chair 9 months pregnant reprograming the remote to make sure it works in case I need the guy to come back. It works. So at least that *might* be fixed.
The "electrical guy" is really a "garage door guy" and can't fix all the dead/ or crackwhore like (on then off at random) power outlets. So I call the property manager and let her know. She says she'll follow up and call me back she thought they were fixing both. I also call Allstate about the broken fence to be told they need measurements I can't provide (while 9 months pregnant) so I tell them I'll call back after Jon gets home.
10:15 The beans are pretty far along so I make corn bread. Layla wants to help. She mixes. When we are done she moves to the table, opens the donut box and eats the topping off every donut left
10:25 Nannie washes the chocolate off the toddler's hands, puts shoes on her and takes her out to play in hot pink sand for awhile because she's getting a little stir crazy (the toddler not Nannie) and I begin this blog which I will keep updating through-out the day. I also pick up a few random things because last night I ignored all logic and cleaned up because I thought a man would be crawling around looking at all my power outlets today. Now I have to maintain clean until he actually arrives and my back hurts...because I'm 9 months pregnant and shouldn't have been stupid enough to clean until 10 pm anyhow.
10:55 and it's time for Layla and Nannie to clean up and come in from playing outside. I make the toddler a healthy (NOT) lunch of chicken nuggets (hey they were wheat) and tater tots (which she didn't eat) with juice. Not even half way through our meals (mom and I had beans and cornbread of course) Layla turned around in her seat and threw up all over herself, the chair, the floor and Jon's jacket. Lovely. Time to clean that up.
11:20 the naked toddler is playing with water in the bathroom sink while Nannie finishes her lunch and Mommy cleans up the laundry/floor/chair. Then Nannie takes Layla upstairs for a bath.
11:50 bathtime is over. Time to come downstairs and spend some time drawing and watching Mommy make a cake. Nannie didn't get Layla's hair done so Mommy pulls it back really quickly and they draw while Mommy deals with the property manager again on the phone. Nannie also spends a great deal of time spinning Layla in an office chair because it's the best.ride.EVER!
12:30 the cake is done and the toddler is ready for a nap. Nannie settles into a chair downstairs while Mommy and Layla head upstairs.
1:00 Mommy gives up and comes downstairs to update this blog and have some tums because Layla is driving her crazy and not napping.
1:10 the toddler is asleep by the time Mommy leaves the upstairs bathroom.
2:00 Mommy has surfed the internet, confirmed her taxes submited, talked to the HR department in email, written back to 3 emails, written 2 blogs, uploaded pictures and checked facebook. Nannie is still napping in a chair and the toddler is asleep upstairs. Time to water house/outside garden plants.
2:05 Either the running water to fill my watering cans or the screen door opening and closes woke up the toddler. So Nannie makes Layla a snack tray with cheese and crackers and I open the garage door for Jon who still doesn't have his garage door opener.
2:20 Nannie and Layla go outside to either play in the car or go to PopPop's house. Turns out Layla wants to play in the car.
2:45 Jon arrives home and we have a nice talk on the couch because Layla and Nannie are still playing outside, Nannie also lets Layla run around on the new grass across from our driveway...which Jon and I watch through the window. Then I have a piece of cake just because I can.
4:15 the Nannie and the toddler have come inside and they clean up a little. Nannie washes the two dishes in my sink and then she's headed home for the day. We'll see her again bright and early at 7:30 tomorrow. Jon takes Layla to get the mail. We put in Jon's Stomp DVD so Layla can watch people bang on things and she plays while Jon does laundry.
Somewhere around 5:20 I acknowledge that dinner will have to be made and by 5:30 the kid is playing outside in her sandbox again while I BBQ chicken and heat up the left over beans/cornbread. I also make some noodles for the toddler and throw some applesauce on her plate.
Around 5:50 when we've moved from dinner to playing in the living room sorting jelly beans by color I decide I need to take a shower still and now looks like a good time.
Right before I go upstairs to take an actual shower Layla decides to go to her room to play. Jon joins her and distracts her so I can take a shower without someone banging on the bathroom door or staring at me through the shower curtain and offering me toys.
I finish my shower and join Jon and Layla playing in her room. I admire the toys all over the floor and try to get her to put on PJs. Instead by 6:30 I have a child running around in a clean diaper and an upstairs that looks toddlerific.
Time to go downstairs. Layla finds a movie to watch. 7:15 there is a showing of It's the Easter Beagle Charlie Brown. Surprise, Surprise. She loves this movie. I type on the blog and Jon plays on his iPhone... 45 minutes until toddler bedtime.
Toddler decided to fade out early and ended up having a glass of milk and her allergy meds all before 8 pm. By 8:10 she was tucked in the family bed with a book and her bedtime lantern and Jon and I were downstairs watching Bones on DVD. That includes the time it took Jon to get a piece of cake and for me to pick up the toys upstairs before coming down to join him. Good times.
Watched Bones and ate cake until around 11:30. Jon gets up for work at 3:30 so he cut me off after the last episode. Then we headed up to bed. It was too hot for me so I came back downstairs to look on the internet and try to get sleepy. When I left the bed, Layla was a little restless and Jon was looking not yet asleep so hopefully everyone upstairs is well on their way to peaceful slumbers.
And now it's 12:01... officially tomorrow.
**things you may have noticed** I tend to do a lot of resting while blogging, surfing the internet, talking on my cell phone, visiting with my husband. I am on partial rest which means I am lucky enough to not be forced to lay in bed all day every day. Having said that on uncomfortable or high blood pressure days I spend a lot of time laying in bed on my left side...today just wasn't that day. Also, I cook most if not all of the meals, even if they are meals that suck...cooking calms me...partial rest does not calm me as much as making something amazing so I pace myself. Lastly, cleaning while 9 months pregnant and high risk is both stupid and painful...you shouldn't do it. I just have so much anxiety that I haven't found a way not to... don't be me ***end disclaimer/fact paragraph**
That was a day in my life. Have you ever live blogged a day of your life? It's interesting, and it's a good way to look back and go "wow my life was different way back when". You should give it a try.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
She's in a lot of fluid so she's pretty comfy I bet. That lots of fluid is why they say I can't feel her much. Which, by the way, is much less scary then when they said she might be really small or not developing. She rocks at developing well.
Mommy has issues, she has anxiety, high blood pressure and now a rockin little infection (complete with antibiotics) but Anyah...she's just peachy. She has round little cheeks and her sisters button nose.
So while she's daydreaming away in there I think I'll sit around out here and daydream about her arrival... at least until next week when they take another peek at her and see if it's time for her to come out and play yet.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
10. Not having to pee 300 times a day with great urgency. It's not the number of trips but the speed at which you discover you must go and then have to get there to go... annoying.
9. Being able to clean my own house. Gosh it's a mess here...a big cluttery mess.
8. Making real food again. Being as I can't stand for long we've been eating a lot of easy to cook processed crap. I want to go back to eatting real food ASAP after Anyah comes and her birth is right around when the Farmer's Market opens...so there is hope.
7. Picking up my toddler when she cries. God it kills me when my kid is crying and I have to tell her she has to sit with me on the floor. I know this will take awhile post c-section but I still miss it.
6. Driving... and the freedom that comes with it. There are a ton of things I would love to do with Layla (even now) that I just can't do because I can't drive there.
5. Fixing my right hip. My hip has been out for over a month. Post baby I'll probably get a chiropractor appointment if it doesn't fix itself.
4. Eatting forbidden foods. Somewhere there is a margarita and some sushi with my name on them.
3. Holding my newborn daughter and seeing what she looks like.
2. Making out with my husband. Jon's got this whole long hair thing going on right now. It's hot. Real hot.
1. Sleeping on my stomach. (What you thought it would be something more spiritual or meaningful?) I SOOOO miss being able to sleep comfortably. I want to lay on my tummy and tuck a pillow under my head and sleep...even if it's only for 2 hours between feedings.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
In less than 3 weeks (no matter what) I'll have a baby in my arms instead of my tummy... sooner if that ultrasound says it should be.
Today I checked the mail, it's Sunday... I figured that out 3 hours later. Yes... 3 hours.
The toddler didn't nap today and there is a rain storm here for some unknown reason and all I want in life is to sleep comfortably but I can't because there is some random pain in my right hip that never goes completely away. And, as a result, I have no idea what day it is, how many weeks along I am or where I put down my Pepsi.
I wonder if they make a "where is my Pepsi" widget?
Saturday, April 10, 2010
While I talked to dispatch & checked with the neighbor to see if the tiny dog they keep in a cage on the other side of our fence was ok, Jon took off down the driveway of our complex barefooted in his pjs. I went upstairs and calmed down the baby who woke up when Jon started yelling on the patio and changed into better pajamas in case the cops came back to talk to me. Eventually, he spotted one of the girls from the group and after the police had wrapped up the teenagers they could find he headed back home. Then because he's a good guy he took a flashlight and checked the patio of the people we know in the complex who weren't home.
Friday, April 09, 2010
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Today I had my mom pick me up and take me to my appointment. Originally, she didn't go in with me as she wanted to do iPhone things in her comfy car. I didn't have to wait long because I was the 2nd appointment of the day and the first girl was barely pregnant (nurses words not mine).
I got the results from my 24 hour urine and my blood test and the short answer is I have preeclampsia but just a little. My blood pressure was actually down after having Jon home a lot the last two days, getting lots of rest and moving my appointment to the mornings when I haven't had Layla pushing my buttons all day but my bottom number was still a little high. That part, the drop in BP made my OBGYN sigh a little in relief. They like it when "rest" works.
I am still super anemic even with the 2 iron pills I am taking a day. So I get to keep doing that. My poor tummy was sad to hear that.
Then we went on to talk about movement. Anyah doesn't move much. When she moves she moves for awhile but she probably only has 2 periods of movement a day. That worried him a little. My belly hadn't changed size and I had lost a pound of the water weight I put on last week (actually I think I lost most of the water weight and put on some weight because let me tell you I have been eating and EATING and eating).
So the lack of "growth" and the sparse movement red flagged me for a Neo-stress test on the monitor. I texted my mom in the parking lot and she came in to keep me company (who wants to sit in a parking lot for another 30 minutes- not her).
Anyah hated the test. She kicked the fetal monitor so many times they eventually gave up and had a nurse come HOLD IT DOWN for 15 minutes. Poor girl. So the answer to that issue is if you want my kid to move, just strap something to her "space" she appearantly hates that.
Next week we get a sonogram to make sure she's growing even though I'm not really. That's the IUGR thing I mentioned last week. They just want to make sure she's not exceptionally small being as usually at this point people put on 1 to 2 lbs per week and well...we're just not doing that.
Her heartrate was fine though...high from all that exercise kicking the monitor for awhile and then totally normal. So I think she's probably fine, but better safe than sorry.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Last night, I was a wreck with "oh my god I'm gonna have a baby in 30 days or less" anxiety so I stayed up later than late and watched Sherlock Holmes on DVD while I attempted to de-toddler my floors and finish up the dishes.
So of course...Layla woke up this morning at 6:15 thanks to the neighbors having a screaming matching in their back yard about how their screaming match was going to wake their own kids. Thanks jerks.
It's been a day of using the "parent" voice and counting to 3 over and over and over again. I'm exhausted.
Tomorrow is my next OBGYN appointment so I hope I actually get some sleep tonight.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Sometime in the next week or so I'll post pictures of her opening her Easter basket this morning at the foot of our bed. I'll show you the way that she sorted all the candies, ate the M&M's, fed her new stuffed Minnie the jelly beans and ignored the rest. I'll post the pictures of her hunting eggs with Daddy and playing T-ball in Pop-Pop's back yard. I have pictures of spinning in circles with Nannie and eating a hotdog with a fork like a big girl.
Friday, April 02, 2010
The longer I am home the more I am frustrated by how unusable some of our space is here. I feel like there is stuff all around me...oh nevermind...that's just the toddler destroying the floor for the 4th time today with a bucket of toys.
The longer I am home the more I have an overwhelming nesting desire to own cabinets of food in order to have everything we'll need when Anyah comes. It's like my brain forgets the grocery store will still be available after I give birth. It's not like Jon won't go to the store when I ask him to.
The longer I am home the more I wonder what it will be like to have 2 kids, to go back to work, to not have a car payment, to actually get an SDI check in the mail (what is taking so long people), to sleep without being uncomfortable, to fit in my clothes, to be able to see new baby eyes and hold her tiny feet in my hands.
The longer I am home, the longer it feels like I have to wait...even though my brain knows the time is drawing closer.