Thursday, January 27, 2011

Reclaiming My Calm

This last couple days I have been a raving BITCH. I don't know why, it's just something that happened along the way. I'd blame stress but honestly, when is it not stressful? Um, Never. So Yeah, that's a crappy excuse. I was sick. Excuse # 2, also lame. I am tired, but who isn't. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
I need to reclaim my calm. I am starting by reclaiming our temporary place of residence from the crap that overflows within it. Today I found the living room floor, got rid of a lot of broken crayons, crumbs, broken toys and gnarled up flash cards. I also did lots of dishes by hand because the dish washer is still broken and a load of baby laundry. Tomorrow maybe after work I can tackle a little more kitchen/bathroom and my next two days off have KID ROOM written on them in big red sharpie marker.
Clutter damages my calm.

It's a closet OCD thing.
So if anyone needs me I'll be having some zen bleach time.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Caught in the Fact

Okay, so last the fact sharing happened here in the land of the blog, we were looking for a rental, then there was a "big thing" and then we weren't looking for a rental. Today my sister-in-law called with a cup of overbrimming curiousity and I have to admit, it's not a HUGE deal it's just an awesome experience. So, let's not talk about it...

If the cute baby picture hasn't distracted you perhaps you need something with more personality?

No? Still want to know, huh?
Well... let's just say we'll soon be in Jon's childhood home. It will be a (hopefully) forever move. We're not talking about it much because it's a family thing and a business thing and we don't want to involve people who should have anything to do with it. But, that's where we are going (early Aprilish) and we're excited, and the kids are excited...
And really, that's the only fact that should matter to everyone else.

Monday, January 24, 2011

In My Heart's Home

We go on road trips to the ocean, to the places where the trees are big, to places with history and folds around you while you walk down wooden plank sidewalks towards the train depot. We love to travel but every now and then we end up someplace where I am overwhelmed by the feeling that I could live there forever and be happy.
Arcata. South Lake Tahoe. Pinecrest.
It's always places with water and big trees. My heart's home has water and big trees.
Maybe someday I'll retire to someplace that makes me feel like soaring and sitting and reading a book all at the same time. Maybe...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

His Plan Is Unique & Changing

I prayed a lot the last few months. Not for the things that you normally pray for when you're moving either, it wasn't about finding a place but instead about finding patience, keeping an open mind and trying not to force my will on to God's will for me. That was my last month. I put back on 4 lbs stress eating, I ate my nails to the quick. It's been crazy, and the whole time it never felt quite right.

We're a unique family and what we were looking for in a home was just as unique as us. Plus being a family in constant evolution, we spent a lot of time changing and thusly, sometimes what we liked changed a little. And then we found what we thought we wanted only to find out it really wasn't what we needed.

Then God took over. And the big life changes... well they are falling all around us like snow, pure and beautiful snow that washes everything over in a clean crisp feeling.

And I'm admiring how far letting go can get a girl because it's never been something I was great at.

Prayers while we get ready for all things big and new would be greatly appreciated

Saturday, January 22, 2011

To Anyah at 9 Months Old

My Ani,
Oh Baby, Oh Baby, Look at you now! I had a hard time picking a picture for your letter this month. You're all smiles and cuddles and adventures in crawling and pulling yourself up in strange places with an ear to ear grin and I-just-couldn't-pick. So Layla climbed up in my lap to look at the pictures in the snow and she kept going to this picture and saying "mom look at my baby" and I thought...yep...look at my baby.
So you crawl, fast...and anywhere we set you down I might add. Bark at the park, no problem. Snow, not a moment's hesitation. Someone's floor, okie dokie. The store, a place we go to eat, anywhere your knees hit ground and *ta da* you're on the move.
A moment ago you pulled yourself up on my pajama legs and you were standing at my knees alternating between screaming "mom mom" and hitting me with a jingle toy Nannie gave you. I thought you might want something so I peeked around my laptop screen to see and you busted up laughing got down and crawled away. When you got about half way across the floor you turned around shot me your biggest smile and tried to signal me to come to you by opening and closing your hand upside down at me in a "come here" fashion. You're so cute when you want to play. I pretended to come get you and you squeeled and clapped.
Oh the things that you say all the sudden. MomMom (mom), LayLaLa (layla), DaDa (daddy), Ranana (banana), Crackah (cracker), Hey (hi), BYaBye (bye bye), Byyb (bite), NomNomNom (nom nom nom), gud (good), ahgon (all gone)... you talk clearer than Layla did at this age and you will talk on command (which she never did) but you refuse to say new words when prompted to try (which she was more than willing to do).
You like exploring, sausage and eggs, apple juice in your new sippy cup, blocks, putting things in your mouth, eating snow, dancing by popping up and down on your tushie, Club Butter Crackers, chasing Layla, stealing other people's stuff, co-sleeping, Kipper the dog and laughing when people tell you no.
You dislike peas, peaches, loud noises, the ball Papa got you for Christmas because it moves on it's own and you think it's gonna chase you, being stopped from going places you want to go, things that don't fit in your mouth, when everyone else goes to another room, interrupted naps and when Nannie's dog licks you.
You're the happiest baby I've ever met when left to your own devices you just crawl from place to place and check out the toys, steal an oreo sister stashed somewhere, watch a little Kipper, play some more... too cute. You have a walrus smile (you have two center bottom teeth and you are missing the two top center teeth but have the two that would be on each side of the center two) which people find ADORABLE. You have crazy hair and a wild little look in your eye when you see something you can swipe from Layla.
We love you to bits, baby and watching you grow up is proving to be just as entertaining as I imagined it would be before you got here.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Here I Go Again

When 2011 started I thought to myself "well if you can blog once a week that will be awesome" because I have 2 kids and I work nights now and blogging isn't as easy as it used to be. Which is a shame because I really really like it. So I started off the New Year with a mini-goal and on the 2nd week of January... I didn't blog. Hey I'm nothing if not willing to totally bend the rules on account of LIFE HAPPENING. There is so much to update I don't know where to start. So I guess I'll start with me falling down the stairs.
The other day Mom took Layla (but later in the morning) and I stayed home with Anyah after Jon went to work and I had worked a whole night. Anyah was being unpleasant because she was teething and no one had slept. I went downstairs to get a bottle and fell down the stairs. This is the 6th time I've fallen down our stairs due to uncontrollable vertigo.
Jon and I have been looking for a place to live and we thought we had found the perfect place and the landlord seemed to really like us and he was going to run our credit and get back to us that day. Three days later he called to get our birthdays because he needed them to run our credit. Two days after that I haven't heard anything, I left a message yesterday and he never called me back... I'm gonna take that as a no and start looking for another place today.
In addition to my perils with the stairs, Anyah has managed to make it up the first 6 steps twice this week. Stair gates here we come.
Speaking of Anyah she's talking up a storm now. She still says "lay la la" (layla), and "mom mom" (mama), and "by a bye" (bye bye), and "crackah" (cracker), and "hey" (hi) but now she also says "da da da" (daddy), "bYYYb" (bite), and "ra na na" (banana). She crawls as fast as you can walk and she started pulling herself up on furniture last week which resulted in her first forehead bruise and easter egg bump but it hasn't slowed her in the least. She actually clapped when she fell down before she cried... silly baby.
This pulling up business has Layla in complete distress. After all, our response to the baby swiping her stuff was to put it up higher and now the baby is getting up higher, oh the drama. She does like the game where Anyah chases her back and forth between the kitchen and the living room though. Layla is going through an absorbing vocabulary phase and every phrase from Kipper, Diego, Backyardigans, Mommy, Daddy, Nannie, PopPop or Dora the Explorer is open game. "Swiper no Swiping!" is heard here many times a day.
Christmas toys, craft projects, lost socks and things only carried 2 feet inside the living room door litter my downstairs. But, instead of acknowledging the mess like I should and trying to concur it, yesterday I sprung the idea of going to the snow on Jon and we packed the girls up and headed to Pinecrest. Both girls loved the snow (which will be it's own post eventually-maybe) and we went to Knight's Ferry to eat at a 50's Roadside Diner I love before heading home. Because sometimes waiting for the phone to ring and cleaning up yet another mess seems overwhelming and you just need a road trip. It was time well spent, we are road trip people and it did wonders for all of our dispositions.
So now... it's back to the messes, and the attempts to move, and working at the J.O.B. That normal every day stuff we do to get to the parts we really like, the time with the family where Daddy drove us up over the hills and everyone had fun while Mommy took too many pictures.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Love & Joy

I'm trying to be better about not losing my patients but for being the love of my life and the joy of my existence these two little people that I would die for make me want to strangle them occassionally.
I'm just so tired of the mom voice and honestly I don't think any of us gain anything when I use it. So I'm just going to try to stop using it. It won't be easy and I'm going to slip up. But, after a Christmas with only love, joy and peace, I'm sort of feeling inspired to try.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

New Year.New Start.

One of the things that has happened to me (quite on accident I might add) is that I have lost some weight, about 45 lbs to be exact. (It was a little more but I do love some Christmas treats) So, now that I've lost a little weight I kind of want to get a little bit more active. It's not really that I want to lose more weight (although that might happen) it's moreso about not ending up 50 years old and trapped in a body that is bitter that I slummed it so long.
So while I don't make resolutions this is something I'm going to be talking about here this year because I'll need you to help hold me accountable. I am afterall, 30 years into a slumming it cycle and slumming it doesn't require any discipline or follow through which makes it nice and easy for me to stick with.
So Jan 1st @ 2 am... 215 lbs (gotta blessed Christmas treats, I was down to 206 for a minute there)... size 14 pants (tight)... size xl shirt. I'll let you know how we progress as we go along. Now, please excuse me while I hyperventilate about impending change and the fact that my exact size is now published on the internet.