Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Clean Up

As most of you have already noticed a few things have changed here at Curvatude. I did away with the dark background as I am feeling light and airy this month. Also, if you ever click on my profile to see what blogs I follow you'll notice that the list trimmed in half because really... I wasn't following half of those poor people anymore. So I clicked them into oblivion again until further notice. Also, the links to my other two blogs in the side bar are no longer pictures because they didn't match the new background. And my "about this blog" blurb has changed.


It was like going back to work, but shorter

I went back to work Monday morning, all ampted up from my little vacation and ready to tackle the world. I came home at the end of the day exhausted because having 4 days off really put me on the wrong schedule.

Then for reasons beyong my control I had to call in sick today and I already have tomorrow as a regularly scheduled day off (which I'm sure looks bad-but what is a girl to do at 2 am).

I'll work Thursday (my mom is arranged to watch the baby just in case) and Friday (when I'll hurry home because Jon goes to work as soon as I get back to the house) and then I'll have Saturday off because it's my four weeks of weekends off this rotation.

Several countdowns are playing out in my head right now. The one to the next paycheck, the one until Jen & Mel finds out if their babies really are pink or blue and mostly...the 18 days until Lynn comes home for three weeks and I get to hang out with her and my lovely little God-son.

Today I told Layla that Pheonix would come over and play later this month and she spent a good twenty minutes talking in baby gibberish. I know she knows who he is because we talk about his pictures and Lynn's pictures...so I wonder what she's trying to tell me. Knowing my kid she's planning future play dates at the park and a trip or two to go visit.

In the End Again

So this year I thought I'd play it smart and I eliminated some people from my birthday celebration night because usually it ends up being drama whenever they are around. As it turns out, most of those people were in Jon's family. A tiny little red flag flew up while we were out at my birthday dinner with friends when his mom called and asked Jon to come pick up my card but I pushed it away and after dinner he went on card detail while I went with everyone else back to our place to wait for him. Over an hour and a half later he came home looking worse for the wear. Tear streaked and obviously upset I learned that his brother had struck again. I won't go into details here because I'm sure this situation is drama enough for my sister in law without me posting it on the internet but needless to say...my brother in law dropped another rung on my ladder. This rung, might just have put him out of reach for relationship mending.

Eventually the evening picked up speed again and we found ourselves enjoying a nice game of dice, some adult beverages and a lot of laughter but I woke the next morning pretty bitter about the time I lost on my birthday because this person can't behave himself. It's a sad world we live in.

We went for pancakes on Sunday and his wife was there, as bright and smiling as she normally is. That was a little akward being as everyone who had been at my house the night before was waiting for the shit to hit the fan through out the meal. Family (which was invited) joined us (actually only 1 person who was invited RSVP'd no and that's par for the course for Jon's family- she was "too busy this week"). No worries.

We had pancakes, swapped stories. Did you know my father-in-law went down a zip line in a cave? Crazy. Did you know my cousin Jeromy will be 30 next month too and he wants to have a mud pit at his red-neck party? Awesome. Turns out Alex has a weak stomach and that one of my nephews can set him off by eating bacon like only a two year old can. Did you know my husband will take the baby home so I can spend more time enjoying my guests and my friends will give me a ride when he has to take our car? Cool. How about that Lynn wrote a blog about me over on her site? Or that George and Jen are getting really good at joking around as a team and picking on other people. I also loved when my dad told me how proud he was of me and my father in law for the first time told me that he loved me.

In the end, it was a wonderful weekend filled with little moments. I guess that's all you can ask for at this age....

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me!!

So today is my ACTUAL 30th birthday which I celebrated so far by being unable to sleep in despite my husband and child trying to let me and then making egg brunch bake in the oven. Tonight we will be going out to dinner with some good friends and then playing Liar Dice (Pirate Dice) while having some adult beverages at the house. Which leads into Sunday morning when I have invited some member of my family out to have pancakes with Jon and I.

I love birthdays!
Oh and because someone asked. So far for my birthday I got a memory card for my phone, Twilight, a trip to the ocean while someone cool watched my kid for me all day, a cool shirt, and several gift cards from people at work.

Ocean Pictures for your Jealous Enjoyment

The Pacific Grove Tide Pools

At the tide pools we walked around a little on the beach taking pictures and then while I searched out hermit crabs and other interesting sea life in my Old Navy flip flops, Jon decided to climb a rock formation out at sea (yes that last picture is him on top of it) even though he also had on flip flops (because we live dangerously). Then I decided I missed my kid so we drove home (with a brief stop at casa de fruita to get some fudge and another gift for the baby (a stuffed elephant that fits in her Jungle Book phase). We got home after dinner time but in time to put the laylabug to bed.

It was an awesome day.

Our Day In Monterey

We left the house around 9 am with a brief stop for coffee and pepsi with ice (ok so it was two stops but still) we made good time and got to Monterey right at lunch time. We parked between the wharf and Cannery row and walked to Bubba Gumps where we had LOTS of shrimp (we shared three plates) and adult beverages. My adult beverage made my face break out because they put an orange garnish on it. But, it was yummy and I had a slight buzz, so I forgave them. We then walked Cannery Row looking for a gift for the baby and got her the ugliest piggy bank EVER for her collection. We also went to the wharf and walked around. We took these pictures. I was hot by then so we decided to get in the car and go to Pacific Grove to look for the tide pools.... (story continues in next post)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

One Day

Tomorrow puts the ticker at officially one day before my 30th birthday but I plan on being too busy to notice. Jon and I are taking off this morning for a fun filled day in Monterey, CA. There will be sand, sun and shopping. We're also going to have some seafood and spend our first full day alone together without Laylabug (who is staying at our house with Miss Erin).

While one whole day with the hubby might not sound like much to some of you. Most of you know how hard I struggled with attachment issues right after Layla was born and the fact that it has taken a year and half for me to be willing and able to walk away for a WHOLE day just to have fun without her says something about how I'm growing as a mother.

Growing up... I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.

Saturday I will be 30. But tomorrow... I'll just be getting a sun burn (at least if I'm lucky)


In honor of my quickly approaching birthday (in 2 days) I give you the two most important people I've ever known.
I remember the look on his face the first time he saw her. I remember the calm in his eyes the first time he comforted her while she cried. I remember the day he grew 10 times larger in my eyes.
I also remember the first time I felt her move inside me. I remember the first time I touched her tiny little face. I remember the first time she said my name. I remember the feel of her lying next to me at night growing larger by the second.
My husband & my daughter, are by far the best gifts I've gotten in the last 30 years.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Party of 3

In honor of the THREE days until my 30th birthday... I'll now give you 3 examples of what my life was like when I was little.
I grew up in a house filled with laughter. In fact, I can't remember a whole day EVER that someone didn't laugh about something in. No matter how awful it was there was a joke to be made to find the silver lining.

I grew up in a house that was always filled with love. The love of welcoming over every friend and family member who was ever in the neighborhood. The door was never locked the guests were always welcomed. They came to house filled with love because the loved the laughter and we loved laughing with them.
I grew up in a family of three. It lasted only until just after I started college and sometimes I wondered if it would ever be the same for me. I wondered if it was possible to recreate that open home filled with love and laughter. But, I have learned (now that I'm almost 30) that in that house I got one more thing other than love and laughter. I got the lesson of what it is like to roll with the punches, to adapt with the seasons and to find hope in each other when you need someone for strength.
It was a life lesson, where I grew up. Just the three of us making the best of it. And now it's the lesson I love teaching my daughter with my husband by my side. Together we still laugh, together we still love, and together we learn... somethings never change.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


In honor of the 4 days until my 30th birthday I give you the four things I hope all little girls (mine included) know before they are 30...
1. Jesus and Mommy will always love you.
2. You are beautiful just the way you are.
3. Confidence & Joy are both something that you find in yourself and show to others NOT something you wait for others to look for in you.
4. You're never too old to learn & therefore you can never know too much.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The 5 Days Countdown

My birthday is this Saturday. I'll be 30. I thought I'd really be depressed about this but as it draws nearer...well... I'm just not. As a sign of how old I am we will be going out for pancakes on Sunday morning to celebrate instead of having a big party here at the house. Jon and I will also be spending the day at the ocean on Friday and on Saturday night I'll be doing a nice dinner with some friends (one of which is pregnant so I know I won't get too out of hand).

So in celebration of the countdown to my birthday... I give you the following 5 things I've love to get for my birthday.

1. Gift cards for work clothing (I like Target and Old Navy)
2. A media card for my phone so I can actually store music and pictures on it.
3. The Twilight Movie on DVD
4. A pedicure, a full set of nice nails and an eyebrow wax.
5. The third season of Ghost Whisperer or Supernatural on DVD

Friday, March 20, 2009

By the Railroad

She comes to me in my sleep. A tattered bun tossed on top of her head spun gray and brown. Her arms glowing with a light glisten of sweat from the early summer heat. It is always evening there, a dusty sort of twilight hour where the ice tea glasses seem to echo with clinking ice cubes in the silence that surrounds us. The porch is small but there is room enough for both of us and I sit there entranced by the familiar scent of flowers and wet dirt as she rambles on. Sometimes she stops talking long enough to get up and rustle something about in the house and when she comes back out she always sits silent for a moment. Sometimes if the silence needs to be filled only by comfort I hear her humming songs I never knew I knew. Baby's boat is a silver moon is whispered into my ear even though she hums along without words sailing in the sky and I know that I do not know this song. I but yet I can feel it as part of me. Sailing o'er the sea of sleep while the clouds float by so I let it lull me contently.

I do not know why I am here. I do know that I am a visitor to this place lately at least once a week. The tea is barely sweet. The song sometimes changes. She talks about nothing and everything and I wake restless with the desire to be barefooted in dirt and surrounded by tufts of herbs and flowers. I want to eat fresh berries baked in soft warm cobbler drizzles with cream and watch the sky change before a summer storm. I wante to know a simple life and a wholeness of love that I can hear behind that soft lullaby. And I think, if I come here enough nights in a row...she might just teach me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

City Meet Country

She ran. She ran around the shop twice, around the house once, through the grass, around the trees, over crunchy gravel, into hay filled barns and eventually even into a dusty old tack shed. I took for granted all that space when I was little, because it was always there. But she lives in the pent up, small little house, in a row of small little houses with small little yards without real grass. She told Pa his yard was the park when she looked out the window. To her, he lives at the park, all he needs is a swing and it would be official. She loves it there... especially the running free part. And I let her, only herding her away from big roads and deadly objects when I think that curiosity won't grab her and steer her in another direction on her own. And I snap pictures of her happy freedom to remind me of how amazed she was by the adventure of it all, and how wonderful she felt about being there...and sometimes I take an extra picture...to remind myself what it was like when I was her age and felt the exact same way here.

Tis a gift to be simple

Some part of me wants to be Welsh but only in the shower. I keep finding myself at 5 am surrounded by steam and shampoo smells humming the same old welsh bible song.

I have decided this might be God's time each morning after I pray to remind me to keep my worries in check. A simple reminder, in a simple song called simple gifts.

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come out right

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy St Patrick's Day

I actually texted a friend today to tell them how drab St. Patrick's Day really is at this stage in the game. My kids too little for green eggs and ham and I'm too old for green beer and shamrock plastic necklaces that flash in the black light. Instead, there was a dash this morning to find a green shirt that was appropriate for work and a simple dinner at home. Then I went on a quest to find a picture of my kid wearing green and all I could find was this picture of a picture on green paper in front of her face. Yep, totally not as fun as it was when I was 12 or 21. But, hey at least it's an easy way to blow off a post without much work.
So here's hoping that the young ones don't get pinched for not wearing green, that the middle ones don't get a hang over from their green beer and that the old ones don't die of exhaustion trying to keep up with the other two...
and if you don't like that there is always that old irish blessing...
"May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand."
or the Celtic one...
"May God be with you and bless you. May you see your children's children. May you be poor in misfortunes and rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happinessfrom this day forward."

Monday, March 16, 2009

Why didn't you blog this weekend?

I was much too busy chasing around this pillar of adorableness.

Dark corners

At work for the past 12 days I've been sitting at someone else's desk while my desk has been reapropriated for someone who is training. My new dark corner is lonely and dusty and there are no pictures of my friends or family. It's like going to work on exile island every day. Who knew a desk could make you feel alone and abandoned at work. I live in cubicle city, surrounded by white noise voices and yet there I am alone with no one who I can talk to. I feel emo and like I should start humming swing low sweet chariot on my way to my desk.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


I want to ask. How could you be a grandparent to this and not see it several times a month? How could you not make an effort, even if it's hard, even if it requires going out of your comfort zone....even if you've got several others. How could this one not be special enough to warrant it's own time.

So what do I want for my 30th birthday? I want to feel loved, just as I want my husband and daughter to feel loved. I want to know that we are worth the commitment. I want an apology. And I want for you to act like you should have been acting all along...without me having to blog about it to make myself feel better.

But, if I can't get that...I guess I'll settle for a target giftcard.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Today was my first weekday off from work. We had pancakes, went for a drive, did the grocery shopping and ran around the house a lot giggling. There was also of course a decent amount of whining, tantrum having and being generally unruly... but enough about me. Let's talk about how cute my daughter is when you tickle her.

Collective Sigh

I feel like I could resort to one of those blog points with bulletins that everyone else writes so I am going to...

  • I had to stop taking the fertility pill I was on. I started getting Lactic Acidosis and my liver was very unhappy. There was blood. Lot's of blood. And I'm not talking about the 22 day menstrual cycle I had either. Different blood. And metal tastes in my mouth. Yucky. Project baby is on hold until I can get a Dr's appt about that.
  • Today I drove to my grandfather's to suprise him with a visit. This is the 4th time I've tried and he wasn't home this time either. This time I resorted to leaving a note. I quit.
  • Work has been good. I'm past the 90 day probation period but still stranded at "not my desk" while someone else is training and it's killing my moral.
  • Last night I actually got a full nights sleep for a change. The baby went to bed at 7 (thank you time change) and slept in until 7:35 with only one wake up for a new diaper. It was sweet.
  • I'm very worried about money.
  • My 30th birthday is coming up and I think I'm going to plan myself a nice dinner out with friends and family now. I mean it's getting close and it doesn't seem to be planning itself. (But most things don't)
  • I have today off because I am working Saturdays right now. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I will work 3 Saturdays and then I will rotate off. It was supposed to be 4 Saturdays but I took a 4 day weekend for my birthday.
  • I can't find my sunglasses.
  • I miss having a family that did things together. I recently heard about yet another family going through a divorce and I wish I could write the person in question an email and say... listen dude on behalf of your kids... you're ruining every holiday they have forever.
  • What do you put in an Easter basket?
  • My black eye is going away.
  • Everyone else is pregnant and I am starting to get bitter. So I pray. Then I get tired of praying and I get bitter again. Nice cycle no? I'm working on it.
  • 11 people I know are pregnant.
  • Niobe's baby is beautiful. He makes me smile & I've never seen him in real life.
  • I miss scrapbooking with other girls. Hell I miss talking to other girls in my home.
  • I remember when being someone's friend meant you commited time to them and didn't just read about them on the internet.

Which leads me to the most important thing I'm thinking about right now. I'm thinking about making this blog private.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Back When I Wore PiggyTails

The counter was cold and hard and I would sit there while my Aunt Penny dipped the plastic comb in ice cold water to get the tangles out of my hair. The water would drip down my back and give me chills, resulting in her losing grip on the hair she was trying to pull back into piggy tails. Then eventually she'd get it all just right and she wrap that little plastic hair tie around my pony tail until I thought my head would pop. A quick spritz of hair spray that's probably illegal now and I was allowed to go play. "Pretty" they would proclaim as I marched proudly around the house in my new hair do. Then when I tried to yank it out I'd get the "pretty is as pretty does" lecture.
Now, I'm a mom. I set her on the bathroom counter and I distract her with the perfume bottles and extra makeup brushes. While I quickly run my wet hands in her hair trying to avoid the water dripping down her back (because I always hated that part)... then I quickly divide her hair in half and try and get it up into a pony tail before she notices what I'm doing and starts to squirm...or worse... help. Then once it's all up I proclaim her pretty and take her down stairs to show daddy, where she immediately starts to wrestle someone and it falls out.
I wonder if I could get some of that illegal hairspray off the internet?

Monday, March 02, 2009

Everywhere Status Go

She knows what she wants. She also knows how to get it. We are in the phase of on everything, behind everything, into everything and then while Mommy is distracted putting away the last thing, find something else to get ourselves into trouble with.

Meanwhile, on a job update front, I like the new job. I struggle with making less per hour than I have since um... right out of highschool? It's a pride thing. And a comfort of living thing. But, I think it's nice of God to pick such a blunt way to show me that I can like my job and live a simplier life. So for that I am greatful.

My mother is ok. People keep asking. She's gone back to "he who shall not be named" and as a result I set down some house rules that boil down to (1) he doesn't exist and (2) don't call me to tell me about how you are reacting to someone who doesn't exist. We seem to be doing fine with the new rules.

My relationship with Jon's mom is still broken. Mainly, because she doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong enough to me to warrant apologizing. And, despite lots of praying about it I still feel like I got ambushed by someone who was trying to show me how to be a Christian. I keep praying. Maybe someday something will come of that.

Jon, has become so good at his job that now he can do his job and other people's jobs while he's at work. The result, due to the economy, is a whole lot of nothing. But, I'm still proud of him for it. He stays home with the baby when I have to work and if we are both working she stays with Erin which has been a huge blessing.

I still have a black eye. My face is breaking out like a 13 year old boys from the fertility drugs I am taking. Yesterday I had a migraine all day which I am thinking is also from the hormones. And, finding out I didn't have cancer cost me almost $400 for the lab work. I guess that's cheaper than finding out you do have cancer...and once I calm down from the blinding rage I get just thinking about the bill, I'll try and refocus on that positive.

We finally got all our DMV related issues solved this month. The result will be a tight squeeze budget-wise but at least everything is on the up and up while we're driving which I know makes Jon a lot more comfortable.

Last but not least, it's 26 days till my 30th birthday, which I'm pretty sure means a whole lot of nothing being as we'll be too poor to go out or anything (at least at the rate we're going) but I took the day of my actual birthday off. Which I plan on spending by sleeping in... if nothing else.

I start working Saturdays this weekend. That will give me Wednesday's off. I'm hoping that having one weekday off will break my funk of sitting around in my pjs on my first day off every week. I am hoping to instead invest in some story time at the library with Layla and possibly a play group *gasp*.

I figure a play group might help me replace the nagging feeling that Layla should be spending more time with her cousins by involving her playing with a group of kids that actually invite her to things instead of always waiting for us to plan the next thing.

Is this post random enough now? Good, because I'm done.