Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Then for reasons beyong my control I had to call in sick today and I already have tomorrow as a regularly scheduled day off (which I'm sure looks bad-but what is a girl to do at 2 am).
I'll work Thursday (my mom is arranged to watch the baby just in case) and Friday (when I'll hurry home because Jon goes to work as soon as I get back to the house) and then I'll have Saturday off because it's my four weeks of weekends off this rotation.
Several countdowns are playing out in my head right now. The one to the next paycheck, the one until Jen & Mel finds out if their babies really are pink or blue and mostly...the 18 days until Lynn comes home for three weeks and I get to hang out with her and my lovely little God-son.
Today I told Layla that Pheonix would come over and play later this month and she spent a good twenty minutes talking in baby gibberish. I know she knows who he is because we talk about his pictures and Lynn's pictures...so I wonder what she's trying to tell me. Knowing my kid she's planning future play dates at the park and a trip or two to go visit.
Eventually the evening picked up speed again and we found ourselves enjoying a nice game of dice, some adult beverages and a lot of laughter but I woke the next morning pretty bitter about the time I lost on my birthday because this person can't behave himself. It's a sad world we live in.
We went for pancakes on Sunday and his wife was there, as bright and smiling as she normally is. That was a little akward being as everyone who had been at my house the night before was waiting for the shit to hit the fan through out the meal. Family (which was invited) joined us (actually only 1 person who was invited RSVP'd no and that's par for the course for Jon's family- she was "too busy this week"). No worries.
We had pancakes, swapped stories. Did you know my father-in-law went down a zip line in a cave? Crazy. Did you know my cousin Jeromy will be 30 next month too and he wants to have a mud pit at his red-neck party? Awesome. Turns out Alex has a weak stomach and that one of my nephews can set him off by eating bacon like only a two year old can. Did you know my husband will take the baby home so I can spend more time enjoying my guests and my friends will give me a ride when he has to take our car? Cool. How about that Lynn wrote a blog about me over on her site? Or that George and Jen are getting really good at joking around as a team and picking on other people. I also loved when my dad told me how proud he was of me and my father in law for the first time told me that he loved me.
In the end, it was a wonderful weekend filled with little moments. I guess that's all you can ask for at this age....
Saturday, March 28, 2009
I love birthdays!
It was an awesome day.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
While one whole day with the hubby might not sound like much to some of you. Most of you know how hard I struggled with attachment issues right after Layla was born and the fact that it has taken a year and half for me to be willing and able to walk away for a WHOLE day just to have fun without her says something about how I'm growing as a mother.
Growing up... I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.
Saturday I will be 30. But tomorrow... I'll just be getting a sun burn (at least if I'm lucky)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I grew up in a house that was always filled with love. The love of welcoming over every friend and family member who was ever in the neighborhood. The door was never locked the guests were always welcomed. They came to house filled with love because the loved the laughter and we loved laughing with them.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
So in celebration of the countdown to my birthday... I give you the following 5 things I've love to get for my birthday.
1. Gift cards for work clothing (I like Target and Old Navy)
2. A media card for my phone so I can actually store music and pictures on it.
3. The Twilight Movie on DVD
4. A pedicure, a full set of nice nails and an eyebrow wax.
5. The third season of Ghost Whisperer or Supernatural on DVD
Friday, March 20, 2009
I do not know why I am here. I do know that I am a visitor to this place lately at least once a week. The tea is barely sweet. The song sometimes changes. She talks about nothing and everything and I wake restless with the desire to be barefooted in dirt and surrounded by tufts of herbs and flowers. I want to eat fresh berries baked in soft warm cobbler drizzles with cream and watch the sky change before a summer storm. I wante to know a simple life and a wholeness of love that I can hear behind that soft lullaby. And I think, if I come here enough nights in a row...she might just teach me.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I have decided this might be God's time each morning after I pray to remind me to keep my worries in check. A simple reminder, in a simple song called simple gifts.
'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come out right
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
So what do I want for my 30th birthday? I want to feel loved, just as I want my husband and daughter to feel loved. I want to know that we are worth the commitment. I want an apology. And I want for you to act like you should have been acting all along...without me having to blog about it to make myself feel better.
But, if I can't get that...I guess I'll settle for a target giftcard.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
- I had to stop taking the fertility pill I was on. I started getting Lactic Acidosis and my liver was very unhappy. There was blood. Lot's of blood. And I'm not talking about the 22 day menstrual cycle I had either. Different blood. And metal tastes in my mouth. Yucky. Project baby is on hold until I can get a Dr's appt about that.
- Today I drove to my grandfather's to suprise him with a visit. This is the 4th time I've tried and he wasn't home this time either. This time I resorted to leaving a note. I quit.
- Work has been good. I'm past the 90 day probation period but still stranded at "not my desk" while someone else is training and it's killing my moral.
- Last night I actually got a full nights sleep for a change. The baby went to bed at 7 (thank you time change) and slept in until 7:35 with only one wake up for a new diaper. It was sweet.
- I'm very worried about money.
- My 30th birthday is coming up and I think I'm going to plan myself a nice dinner out with friends and family now. I mean it's getting close and it doesn't seem to be planning itself. (But most things don't)
- I have today off because I am working Saturdays right now. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I will work 3 Saturdays and then I will rotate off. It was supposed to be 4 Saturdays but I took a 4 day weekend for my birthday.
- I can't find my sunglasses.
- I miss having a family that did things together. I recently heard about yet another family going through a divorce and I wish I could write the person in question an email and say... listen dude on behalf of your kids... you're ruining every holiday they have forever.
- What do you put in an Easter basket?
- My black eye is going away.
- Everyone else is pregnant and I am starting to get bitter. So I pray. Then I get tired of praying and I get bitter again. Nice cycle no? I'm working on it.
- 11 people I know are pregnant.
- Niobe's baby is beautiful. He makes me smile & I've never seen him in real life.
- I miss scrapbooking with other girls. Hell I miss talking to other girls in my home.
- I remember when being someone's friend meant you commited time to them and didn't just read about them on the internet.
Which leads me to the most important thing I'm thinking about right now. I'm thinking about making this blog private.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
She knows what she wants. She also knows how to get it. We are in the phase of on everything, behind everything, into everything and then while Mommy is distracted putting away the last thing, find something else to get ourselves into trouble with.
Meanwhile, on a job update front, I like the new job. I struggle with making less per hour than I have since um... right out of highschool? It's a pride thing. And a comfort of living thing. But, I think it's nice of God to pick such a blunt way to show me that I can like my job and live a simplier life. So for that I am greatful.
My mother is ok. People keep asking. She's gone back to "he who shall not be named" and as a result I set down some house rules that boil down to (1) he doesn't exist and (2) don't call me to tell me about how you are reacting to someone who doesn't exist. We seem to be doing fine with the new rules.
My relationship with Jon's mom is still broken. Mainly, because she doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong enough to me to warrant apologizing. And, despite lots of praying about it I still feel like I got ambushed by someone who was trying to show me how to be a Christian. I keep praying. Maybe someday something will come of that.
Jon, has become so good at his job that now he can do his job and other people's jobs while he's at work. The result, due to the economy, is a whole lot of nothing. But, I'm still proud of him for it. He stays home with the baby when I have to work and if we are both working she stays with Erin which has been a huge blessing.
I still have a black eye. My face is breaking out like a 13 year old boys from the fertility drugs I am taking. Yesterday I had a migraine all day which I am thinking is also from the hormones. And, finding out I didn't have cancer cost me almost $400 for the lab work. I guess that's cheaper than finding out you do have cancer...and once I calm down from the blinding rage I get just thinking about the bill, I'll try and refocus on that positive.
We finally got all our DMV related issues solved this month. The result will be a tight squeeze budget-wise but at least everything is on the up and up while we're driving which I know makes Jon a lot more comfortable.
Last but not least, it's 26 days till my 30th birthday, which I'm pretty sure means a whole lot of nothing being as we'll be too poor to go out or anything (at least at the rate we're going) but I took the day of my actual birthday off. Which I plan on spending by sleeping in... if nothing else.
I start working Saturdays this weekend. That will give me Wednesday's off. I'm hoping that having one weekday off will break my funk of sitting around in my pjs on my first day off every week. I am hoping to instead invest in some story time at the library with Layla and possibly a play group *gasp*.
I figure a play group might help me replace the nagging feeling that Layla should be spending more time with her cousins by involving her playing with a group of kids that actually invite her to things instead of always waiting for us to plan the next thing.
Is this post random enough now? Good, because I'm done.