Friday, June 29, 2007

25 Weeks

You know a funny thing happens right about 25 weeks into your pregnancy. Reality. Yep. I'm really going to be going into labor soon people. I'm really going to push a screaming human out of my...well... let's just say it's not pretty to think about reality.

But, I really am curious about it. So this week...week 25 I'm not going to tell you about how I feel being pregnant. I want you to log into the comments or link up a story on your blog and tell me exactly how bad (or good) labor will be.

Be honest, I can take it.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I Cut a Few Hairs Off

So today I went from long hair to short hair again... only this time it turned out wonderful. Plus having my hair done helped a lot with the fact that it's growing out and the roots were getting pretty horrible looking... I am super excited!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

True or False?

So I saw this game posted over at Mom to Screaming Masses site. I really like the concept so I thought we'd give it a go.

I'm going to list 10 things supposedly about myself below. Then in the comments I want you to tell me which ones you think are true or false. Then I'll do another post this weekend telling you which things are true and which things are false (and why).

Sounds like fun, no?

If you decide to post this game on your site let me know (I'd love to come guess).

1. I lived most of my highschool and young adult life with acne, then I stopped eating oranges and it went away. Turns out I was allergic.

2. Jon and I got married a year after we met.

3. When dating my husband we discovered several odd traits that we share. These include but are not limited to being highly competitive with card games, a love of road trips and not liking fruit in our desserts.

4. I changed OBGYN's for this pregnancy because the Dr we were seeing had delivered a still birth baby with my mother when I was little.

5. I hold at least 3 job titles at work at any given time.

6. I won't eat things that are slimy.

7. I once broke my leg horse back riding on my Grandparents ranch.

8. My nephew shares a name with my best friend who died. If he didn't I was planning on naming my first son with that name.

9. I make wonderful corn bread.

10. I used to attend renaissance fairs every weekend where I sold swords to drunk people and was active in a pagan worship group.

Guess away...


I admit it. I watch reality TV stupidity sometimes. I especially like shows where people come on stage and make a fool of themselves claiming to have some talent they obviously don't have. America's Got Talent is one of my favorite shows to heckle from my couch. You see I love to hate you and I'm sorry about it. Not sorry enough to quit watching...just sorry enough to not heckle you in real life...ever...and to wish you the best.

Usually, I don't find anything good about the shows. I mean really, I'm most entertained by the people without talent. It's horrible but it's true.

Until last night.

Last night I was introduced via the worlds worst talent competition to the Glamazons. The Glamazons are the plus size version of the pussy cat dolls. They were cute, confident, talented, coordinated and they had personality. I pink fuzzy heart them already and I've only seen a one minute clip.

Here in the land of the Curvatude...where the curves have attitude... it's good to see someone out there doing it for the fat girls. (And I can say that because I am a fat girl and I plan on staying that way thank you very much)

So go check out the Glamazon page if you have time and give them some Big Beautiful Woman Appreciation.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Blackmail Pictures 4 Sale

Least I ever forget how not cute a already curvy woman looks in a bathing suit while 6 months pregnant.

But... some things are important to record for the masses of readers... such as... yes I do look pregnant...thank you for pointing it out to me... again.

Squished Apricots

My husband and I spent a month begging people to please for the love of all things holy come pick some apricots off our tree because we don't eat them and they are going to go bad.

Two weeks later there was a large cracking noise and branches started snapping off the tree due to the wait of the apricots no one is willing to eat.

This weekend Jon went to work... this here is what it looks like when people who don't eat fruit have a fruit tree...

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Ah July... fireworks, air conditioning, and a calendar that looks like this...

1st My Cousin's Engagement Party
4th of July Holiday & 100 Days till my due date
7th & 8th We're renting a dumpster to trash half the stuff we own in...lucky us
9th I have an OBGYN appt
14th & 15th Our Pre-Natal Class at the Hospital
27th-29th Jon's Cousin is up from So. Cal...we have a weekend of Fair going, Baby Showers and Family Dinners

This schedule does not include working, prepping a baby room, the room mate moving out, paydates, play dates, scrapbooking nights and sleeping... I think we're doomed.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Too Good

Sometimes, the worst thing to be is good at your job. This morning I had a meeting with one of the execs at my company. Then an employee was selected for termination and I had to run their paperwork. That employee was my brother-in-law.

He tried to call on his way to his meeting with his boss. I didn't answer the phone. I was professional with my prep of paperwork. I was professional with the company exec and then I was open and honest with him in a professional manner.

I was proud of myself for maintaining company policy so well. But, a little piece of my heart broke.

What a Weekend

So this weekend was busy in that nothing happening sort of way. We went to/had a BBQ at my friend C's house and there was much swimming and eating of shrimp and playing of liar's dice. It was a ton of fun. I ended up getting home around midnight, finally cooled off from the swimming and ready for bed. I so wanted to sleep in. I woke up at 7 and gave up and got out of bed around 8. It wasn't exactly what I had planned.

Then I did a little sitting around and watching the hallmark channel and the food channel. When the hubby got up we did some nesting, I cleaned out the fridge and cabinets while he did dishes. Then he left with Batman to go play baseball with the guys. They had pizza and he came home 5 horus later to find C and I bored out of our minds, watching some family with 8 kids on TLC and eating the chocolate chip cookies I just made.

That pretty much sums up the weekend. It felt really busy when it didn't feel really boring. I also have a great post that will be up tomorrow about our apricot tree and some pregnant in a bathing suit pictures to post.

Fun stuffs.

I'm a Winner

So remember this post... yep I won... I'll tell you how great the product is once I get to use it when Layla is born in Oct.

Hooray Royal Heinie

Friday, June 22, 2007

24 weeks

112 days of pregnancy left to go. It feels like so little time. I remember when 20 weeks seemed so far along. I tell people all the time that it feels like I just got pregnant. Wasn't that last week when I was getting hormones and peeing on Dang it feels like last week.

But, I must be far along in the process because Layla has taken up playing rugby in my tummy at 3 am. It's cute really. She played rugby yesterday from 4 am till 4 pm. Then she slept all night. I did too... because I felt like I had been sent to the meat tenderizer.

24 weeks feels a lot like waiting. Waiting to decorate, waiting for your husband to paint things, waiting for baby showers and mostly waiting to see those ten tiny toes in person.

I crave buffalo wings and I wait. I re-arrange the furniture by proxy and I wait. I plan and I wait. I have a pepsi and I wait. I was the kid who always talked people into giving me my Christmas presents early. I am the adult that lets the kids have birthday gifts a month ahead of time so they can enjoy them. Waiting isn't my thing.

But 24 weeks brings lots of things I didn't know I had in me...the waiting, the being ok with being kicked constantly, the new found love of cucumbers with vinegar on them and naps.

Wonder what next week will bring?

My Royal Heinie

According to the Adventure's in Babywearing website the women at Stroller Mama just can't say enough about My Royal Heinie, which was also designed and created by two moms.

I personally have never heard of a my royal heinie but after looking at them they appear to be a genius idea and I really really want one. So I seldom link to contests and I even more rarely enter the blog contests that people offer but I am soooo in for this one.

Look how cute they are...They have a wipes dispenser, an external pocket and an adjustable strap...all of which I need and want.

So I'm entering the contest which can be found at the Adventures in Babywearing link above and if I don't win then I'm asking for one as a shower gift.
If you don't want to enter the contest and you want to get your own Royal Heinie you can purchase them at the Royal Heinie link above.

Thursday, June 21, 2007


I want to nest. I want to sort things, unpack baby bedding and put all the little furniture in the same room. But, I can't. So instead my brain settles someplace between completely frustrated...and purging. I throw away things we don't use, I suppose, because my mind things it will make room for a baby. But, there isn't room for a baby... not yet... so I'm just frustrated... all the time.

The second trimester is supposed to be filled with energy and happiness...mine is diverted... to frustration and waiting. I suppose ironically, once the waiting is over so too will be the part of my pregnancy they call the most energetic.

While my living room and laundry room and bathroom have benefited greatly from this waiting and purging period... it is making me slightly bitter to wait.

I have no patience.

The end.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Plan? What Plan?

So today I got a call from one of the girls at work who is out on medical leave. Turns out she'll be out for 6-8 additional weeks. She wasn't a great employee and she didn't retain training well. I think it's time to cut her ties. The thing is that I feel a little bad about it. Not because she was a good employee but because she was a good person. And again... I have guilt.

At the same time today is my best employee's birthday. In the last year she has went from helpful to absolutely necessary for day to day office function. I see her struggling along side me to pick up the slack from being two people understaffed and I'm proud of her. I want to do right by her. I want to get her some help before I'm out on maternity leave. And again, I have guilt.

My guilt lies in my own perception. I think I can make a plan and it will happen. When the plan stops working I feel guilty. When I feel guilty I make more plans...and then the circle continues.

Just once I'd like things to happen the easy way but, if they did, would I know what to do next...without my circle of guilt.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A Bug Where?

My husband is a spontaneous nester. He tends to do his chores, repairs and to do lists in small little bursts. During the bursts he is highly motivated, demanding and well...sort of cute. I call it getting a bug up his ass. Romantic, no?

Today I came home from work and told him an idea a girlfriend and I came up with for rearranging our furniture to make up for the new large puffy couch. Two minutes into the talk I could see a bug clearly crawling across his thoughts.

Right now he's at Home Depot with a master plan only he understands, a list and his bug...which will come back in a minute and get to work.

Dang I'm lucky. Some people have to beg their husbands to do this stuff.


Romans 15:30I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.

Monday, June 18, 2007


Last month I decided that I was going to quit being a slacker. Often times I admire a trait in other people and then I don't even attempt to replicate that trait in my own life. I then find myself months later wondering why they are so much more "fill in the blank" than I am.

I'm lazy. The Lord helps those who help themselves. We know that. We apply it to the big things in our lives and then we fail because we started with such a big task. Failure leads to lack of motivation and then we don't try at all.

I decided for once I would start with something little. I picked "thank you". I admire people who sound like they genuinely appreciate others. I started thanking the mail man, people who let me cut in traffic (even if they can't hear me), the waiter and anyone else I thought was appropriate. I thank them sincerely and often. I thanked them when they did just alright and I thanked them more when they excelled.

The truth is that the waiter doesn't have to wait on you quickly, the bag boy doesn't have to take the time to tie your bags closed so they don't spill all over the trunk and the woman at the baby consignment store doesn't have to call and tell you when stuff you'd like comes in. They don't have to but they do... and I don't have to say thank you... but I do.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

K & J

This weekend (today specifically), there is a wedding for our good friends K & J. A wedding which my husband is in. A wedding that I would love to go to. A wedding that I have decided not to attend.

The hardest part about being pregnant and high risk is determining what risks you are willing to take on any given day, carefully balancing your faith in God and your own ability to intercept danger.

California's central valley is in the middle of a heat wave. Yesterday, I decided that although I love K & J very much I didn't want to spend a whole day standing in 100 degree heat, outside, in the sun, wearing a black dress and 6 months pregnant. My husband and I have a hotel room with air conditioning, and I could go for bits and pieces of the ceremony and hide in that hotel room but honestly I just spent several days in a hotel room and I don't really want to do that.

After a short discussion, and Jon talking to K & J making sure they wouldn't be offended... I decided to stay home. I sent my husband, best wishes and a wad of cash on it's way to the sunny town of Fresno and decided to call my sister in law and let her know I wasn't going.

Before the call I felt fine about it. Jon feels fine about it. K & J from what I am told are fine about it. But, without trying to my sister in law made me feel incredibly guilty. Now, I don't feel as fine about it.

I still won't be going. I know it's the right choice for someone who doesn't sweat and gets heat stroke very easily to avoid an outdoor summer wedding during a heat wave if they are pregnant. I just feel crummy. Sigh.

Friday, June 15, 2007

23 Weeks

This week has been the worst week imaginable. Poor little Layla has been living in the travel center known as mom. I spent Monday planning for the worst with an employee going out on leave at work and then I left Monday night for a three day training session in a town a few hours away. Three days of hotel food, 8 hour seminar days and lots and lots of bad food later I packed my stuff into my car in the 105 degree heat and headed back home.

My husband has been in his own whirlwind, preparing for our friends K & J wedding this weekend and trying to keep me from breathing into paper bags. Right now he's at home doing laundry in a house where the air conditioning doesn't seem to be working correctly.

The landlord promised someone would be out to fix the air in my livingroom it was 86 degrees...too bad the thermostat was set to 68... sigh.

Tonight after work I'm going to do something I haven't done since I got pregnant. I'm going to get my nails done and get a pedicure. I think I earned it with my horrible week, plus they have air conditioning there. Then we're going out to dinner where there will also be air conditioning and then after that to play pool (one of my favorite things to do) where there is ... you guessed it... air conditioning.

As for Layla, she's fine. She likes wiggling more and more as time goes on and she's taken to making me cough unexpectedly by bouncing off my lungs when I least expect it. She moves more when I eat spicy foods or drink frozen drinks. But right now, we're both if you need me I'll be taking a nap in the storage room at work with my head in the freezer.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Last Two

So today I'm answering the last 2 questions I got back when I asked my readers for questions.

AubreyAnne asked "What are your biggest marital pet peeves about living with Jon?"

I'd like to thank you for asking the kind of question that can get me into a fight with my husband. ha ha. Just kidding, Jon knows most of my pet peeves about him and I know his pet peeves about least for the most part. Let's see... Jon does not have the ability to not wait till the last minute, if he gets a bug up his butt about something he will huff around doing it at the speed of light, he doesn't scrap his plates and he never shuts the shower curtain. Lovely list, no?

Cheryl at Red Pens & Diapers asked "Have you ever lived outside the community you're currently in?"

I have lived outside my community but never outside the state. I've been outside the state and I've stayed there for decent time periods but for the most part I'm a California girl...with a southern accent that I got from my grandmother which only comes out when I'm tired or drunk.

Other than living in the small town I currently live in I have lived in the middle of no where in a dead end town that didn't even qualify for one stop sign. I have lived in the town next to that town. I went away to the Bay Area for a few years and lived in a land of fog and traffic and then I moved to a valley town but eventually I ended up back in this little town which I call home.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Nerd Training 101 Day 2 & Questions

So for those of you that don't know I'm off at one of my employers corporate partners this week for additional training. So far we're on day two of sitting in a chair watching a man draw on a whiteboard. It's informative but the baby is really tired of me sitting in the same position. At least that's my theory being as yesterday she was pretty normal but today she's enjoying playing soccer with my pelvic bone.

Today I have slotted to answer the questions my readers asked about the difference makers in my life. I believe in everyone's life they have at least 12 people that will make a huge difference in their life. They can be your friends, mentors, family or strangers but they are people that through their existence change you.

Cheryl over at Red Pens & Diapers asked me "What teacher made the biggest difference in my life?"

The teacher that made the biggest difference in my life was named Katherine Quittmeyer. She was an advanced placement english and history teacher at my highschool. I admired how smart and direct she was. I wanted her to just once tell me I was good enough. She never did. I asked her to write me a recommendation letter for college. The next year I got a job at the same college and I got to read that letter. It was awful. She said I was smarter than the average kid but I only put in the 80% that I had to get things done and she thought teaching me was a waste of resources because I taught myself what I needed to know and ignored the rest. She said a lot of other things that were hateful and mean. She made assumptions about why I missed school (which weren't true), about my family (which weren't true) and about what I must be thinking. Suddenly all those times I thought she was pushing me towards excellence turned into a sarcastic and bitter teacher who was not picking on me to make me thrive but instead picking on me because she didn't like me. She changed the way I view compliments. She made me cautious.

The teacher that made the biggest positive difference in my life was named Mrs Hack. She was an elementary school teacher and she loved her job. She brought character and charisma into our everyday learning. She taught us to love finding the answer. She taught us to find joy in searching. She laughed with her whole body and she loved with her entire soul. She encouraged my love of reading. She encouraged everyone's love for trying new things. She made things related to other things and she never forgot a student. Not even me, who moved away and came back many years later. She taught me a lot more than long division and the arbor tree poem.

AubreyAnne asked me "What trait do you admire in others or do you most of your friends share?"

I admire many traits in others. I admire people with unfaltering faith. I admire people who love well. I admire people with honest patience. I admire people who can forgive and forget. I admire people who love to learn. I admire people who live life well. I admire people who help their community and their planet without being asked or noticed. I admire a lot of people with a lot of different traits. Sometimes it's a combination of traits, but I admire a lot of things.

The trait that most of my friends share is the ability to laugh their way through any crisis. A lot of my friends share the ability to love people well. Some of my friends offer great hope or great knowledge. Some of my friends know how to be vivacious and alive. All my friends are very different. I have them all for different reasons and I keep them because I love them which is probably the only trait that they share.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I got the joy joy joy

So today's topic for the questions pool is all about my religion or my spirituality. There is a post on this site already about my testimony which I promise to link tonight. But, here's the rest of the story.

Mike the Mormon asked "Have you ever found yourself in religious crisis (since converting)? How did you get through it?"

I'd have to say my biggest religious crisis came after I miscarried the second time after my marriage. I vividly remember laying on the bed weeping to my husband that I couldn't do it anymore and that the devil had won because I didn't have the faith in God that I needed anymore and I couldn't do it anymore and we were done because I couldn't find my hope and I didn't want to go look for it. Ironically, a few days later I found out I was pregnant. In those few days in the middle I talked to my friends a lot and I talked to my pastor and I talked to my husband. Boy did I ever talk to my husband about it. And then I was sick and it turned out I was pregnant. So perhaps I got through it by letting other hold my faith for me when I was weak, or by asking for help but I think the main way that I got through it was by taking life one second and a time and not giving up on looking for a reason why...even when I knew I'd never get one.

Annie at Where the Green Grass Grows asked "When did I realize I needed Jesus?"

Well part of that is my testimony but I think I've always known I needed something more, something bigger than me and my universe to believe in and I was always looking for it. I looked in a lot of strange places but eventually it found me while I was looking in the wrong direction. And now that I know what it is I was looking for I can't believe all the times and places I missed it. I was so close, so often. But in the end, it didn't matter that I didn't know I needed Jesus, he knew I needed him and he kept stepping in my path until I admitted it myself.

AubreyAnne asked "What are my biggest spiritual strengths and weaknesses?"

I'll list two of each.

My two biggest spiritual strengths are my hospitality. I honestly welcome everyone into my home. I talk to everyone openly and easily. I have the ability to listen and care with all my heart to things that have nothing to do with me and to think rationally about it and to offer my help without sounding like I'm preaching at you. My second spiritual strength is my ability to find the influence of God in the little things. I can think you are stupid, I can think you are wrong but I can love you through it because in that moment that I think you are stupid and wrong I can point out to myself the thousand little ways God can still use you to advance his kingdom. I can see his influence in my sleep, in the strangers I am walking past and in the people who throw themselves into my life. I think that's an amazing advantage because it keeps the little things in perspective.

My two biggest spiritual weaknesses are that I am not as humble as I should be about my spiritual gifts. I am judgmental about others who don't have my gifts or my understanding. I'd say my second one is that I am by far too forgiving of some people and completely not forgiving with others. My ability to love you is strong but my ability to not always worry about you hurting me again is a huge chunk of my personality. I think you could some up my weaknesses with the sentence "I have control issues."

I like that question... what are your spiritual strengths or weaknesses?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Baby Questions

I have had a very stressful day. I thought I'd clear my head by getting online and writing about my very stressful day. Then I got here and I couldn't think of a clear way to write what I am thinking about. That seldom happens to me.

Instead of writing about the very stressful day and the very stressful week ahead (which includes a payroll run, being understaffed, a three day conference in another town and a wedding in the opposite direction this weekend) I'm going to talk about something I like talking about... THE BABY!

So I'm going to start with answering some questions from Candace & Anna...

"What scares you most about bringing home a baby?"

I would have to say the thing I am most scared about is not having all the stuff I need done or not having enough money saved for my maternity leave. I'm a planner. I like to know the plan. You can't really plan a baby. I also occassionally worry I'll make a huge mistake or the cat will hurt the baby but mostly I worry about what all married women worry about... the logistics of doing it all.

"How long was I ttc (trying to concieve)?"

Honestly, I got married in Sept and we started trying right off the bat. I've known I had PCOS since long before I got married (I started having cysts in the 12th grade). Jon and I knew that trying to get pregnant with PCOS was going to be hard. We also had been told staying pregnant would be hard. On top of that my Dr flat out told us that the longer we waited the worse my odds were being as I only have one functioning ovary. So we started trying the first night.

Drs don't know everything. Jon and I have no trouble getting pregnant. We've done it three times since last February. We did have a lot of trouble staying pregnant. Although I'm cursed with low progesterone levels; I'm blessed with a body that tells me within a day or two of concieving that I am pregnant. The first baby we lost before we knew that I had low levels. The second baby we lost because of a vacation at a bad time. The third baby we'll be naming Layla when she is born in early Oct.

"Have you started working on the nursery?"

Yes and no. We have room mate who is supposed to move out by August 1st. Her room is becoming an office. The room that is currently an office is becoming the nursery. Because of the need to play musical furniture once she leaves we can't really set up the nursery. Having said that, I have my bedding, all my furniture and a lovely bucket of paint. The hubby has already started painting furniture. Hopefully, by the time the room mate leaves all the furniture will be done and I'll be able set up my nursery in one day. There are still a lot of things we need but furniture and bedding... we're all set on that.

And that's the end of the baby questions. Please feel to ask more questions if you have them and tune in tomorrow when I answer all the questions about my religion.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

22 Weeks & Planning Ahead

Yesterday, I was on the phone with a girlfriend when I said "now that I'm in my second trimester". The girlfriend on the phone quickly told me... "you're almost out of your second trimester I think you can stop refering to it like you barely made it to the first week."

Holy crap. In four more weeks, I'll be in the third trimester. I'll be in the home stretch. I'm in my 5th month. I can't believe it's been 5 months. I'm almost in my 6th month which is even more strange to me.

Layla now has a gender, a name and a personality all her own. She's long and she always lays in the same position. She has gone from being something vague in the back of my mind to being a part of my life I can't imagine living without.

Annie over at Where the Green Grass Grows asked me last week "has it hit you yet that you are somebodies mom?" Yes. Yes it has. It did very early on... probably because the fear of losing her was so high. But even more so, it is occuring to me everyday that she is my child. That she is Layla who likes it when I eat spicy food, who only likes laying on my right side and who gets a blast out of kicking the cat when the cat is purring on my lap.

I can't believe how far we've made it... my daughter & I.

Friday, June 08, 2007

My Blogography

Todays questions are going to be all about my blog. The all of them are from Niobe over at Dead Baby Jokes who asked, "How and why did you decide to start this blog? What were you trying to accomplish? Were you writing mostly for yourself or did you have an audience in mind? Have your style and purposes changed over time?"

I actually had two blogs before this one. I wrote a blog about my dating life and my coming to Christianity for several years and I also co-wrote on a political blog for awhile. When I got married I started thinking about all the things on those old blogs I didn't want my future children to read. I also started having a reader base that included my church elders and people I didn't know in my community who thought it was ok to come up to me and talk to me like they knew who I was. I deleted the blog in it's prime of 300 + hits a day. I wanted a life less public.

Ironically, a month or so later I started this blog. I missed being able to write out my inner most thoughts in a public forum. But, I wanted it to be anonymous so for about 6 months I wrote in private using not my real name and giving people nicknames. It never felt good. So... one day I just stopped hiding it. My favorite part about this blog is that while it gives me a public forum a diary never could; 95% of my readers are people I've never met. There is something nice about knowing the person who shares your dark secrets will never bump into wearing sweats at the grocery store.

I don't know that I ever had a goal for this blog other than to be honest and to chronicle my marriage and my efforts ttc. Sometime after we got pregnant with Layla I shared this blog address with some of our friends and family. That, was one of the best and worst decisions I've ever made. While I love my mother, mother-in-law and assorted close friends... it put an end to the ability to openly talk about my sex life, my family or my frustrations with bad food because I made a promise a long time ago to do my best not to attack others in writing. (Now having said that I don't want them to stop reading it just changed the context a little)

For the most part, the blog is what I expected it to be. It's me talking to myself. It's me talking to God. It's me talking to my future children. Sometimes it's me talking to my friends. It is very much the way I think and the way I talk outloud in everyday life. It's like my own little biography. It catches the good parts and the bad parts. It keeps me human and humble by marking my mistakes right next to my triumphs. I call it my Blogography and I'm awfully proud I've never let someone tell me how to make it.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

It's a Family Affair

So for my next round of question answering I am picking out all the questions (so far) that match the family theme so that my posts don't start sounding like I have multiple personalities.

We'll start with "What is my biggest fear about being a mom?" from AubreyAnne (who knows me and I didn't know still read my blog so I am super excited about answering her questions).

My biggest fear about being a mom is that I will cause my children to need large amounts of therapy or to lose faith in God or other people. I'm cynical sometimes and I often wonder if to some people that could come across as bitter or mean. I want my kids to love God, love others and love themselves. Hopefully, I'll be able to pull that off.

Although, I must a near second... I'm absolutely terrified of that whole IV during labor thing.

Then Cheryl at Red Pens & Diapers asked "Who is my favorite relative (not a parent or sibling) and why?"

I have two favorite relatives but they are for very very different reasons. My Grandma Gerty was (may she rest in peace) my biggest role model and the woman on which my marital relationship, interaction with others and faith in God are all based on. She had a great deal of grace but still cheated when playing cards, wore red lipstick and flirted with the bag boy at the grocery store. She made people feel loved and she was one heck of a cook. Her funeral was standing room only. In a town where people forget who you are everyone knew her name. I admire her greatly.

My cousin Jeromy has always been my second favorite relative. He is just a month younger than me and we spent most of our lives more like siblings. We interacted so much that I'd say we know each other much too well. He went off and joined the army and we wrote great letters for a few years. Now that he's home we don't see each other as often as I like but I know he's one of my biggest fans and would protect me till the death. And for him... I'd even share my cheesecake.

And our last two questions for today are from Mike the Mormon (who has a blog but didn't link it so I guess I won't either). He asked "What things did your parents teach your that you wish they hadn't? What did they teach you that you are thankful for?"

Both my parents are horrible with saving money. I inherited that problem. Mine isn't as bad as it could be but I still have the problem. My mother taught me that I can be replaced (which is a long and bitter story I'm not telling) but I wish I didn't know that. My father taught me that it is possible to make someone feel guilty for wanting to help others. No one should learn that.

But, those things are far outweighed by the things I learned that I am thankful for. I learned the value of saying "I love you", the whimsical silly fun of family game night, the value of laughter, the ability to love people that other people think don't deserve the time of day, the power of family, the joy of reading, an appreciation of good food, the ability to stretch a dollar, the value of that dollar to others, the ability to help my community, the type of personality that wanted to be involved in great things, a desire to travel and much much more.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Dating Game

Ok... I'm excited... I'm answering my first two questions from the blog below... please don't stop asking questions... I think this might be really really fun.

The first two questions I got today were from Annie at Where the Green Grass Grows. Her two questions (well the two I'm answering today) were "How did Jon & I meet?" and " Tell us one good dating story". I thought that would be a great place to start (I'm going to tell one story to answer both questions) so here we gooooo.....

Jon and I met through the Monte Vista Chapel college and young adult group called Monument. Jon was a drummer in the worship band at the time. He had long hair, he was often barefoot and he seemed to always have the worlds largest cup of coke from Carls Jr next to him. I was talking to one of my new church friends (as I had just started attending Monument) about how my opinion of Christianity was tainted by the Christians I knew. Most Christians in my opinion were judgmental and fake. I wanted a Christian friend who wasn't scared to swear in public, liked a beer once in awhile and had an actual opinion that wasn't harvested from growing up sheltered by parents and church officials who thought they were breakable.

Jon was sarcastic, competitive and he was a decent flirt. He never dressed like anyone else, he never joked around like anyone else and he was by far the most opinionated person I had ever met at church. We became friends. He ironically enough had a crush on the girl who told me about him. We were friends for several months...friends who spent every moment together, friends who knew every story, every reaction and every picky food choice. We became great friends and I expressed my desire to date him (he turned me down) and I told him I'd rather he was happy because I carried about him that much and I dropped it. We were friends for awhile and then one day we weren't friends...

Jon and I had been hanging out ALOT. I mean every day after work, every weekend, every day off, talking on the phone (even though he hates the phone), talking on the computer. We talked about, the future, food, travel, vacation, hypothetical children, God and country. One particularly low day for me Jon made a list of the things he liked about me. It was a great list. I loved it (in fact I've tried many times to get him to give it to me again but he never does...perhaps after I'm in labor he'll take pity and I'll get it one more time). I loved it because the things he loved about me where the things I thought gave me value as a person. I felt so validated. I gave him a list in return. We both spent the next few days walking on air, feeling confident.

Then he said it "any guy would be lucky to date a girl like you" and I called his bluff. If any guy would want a girl like me...why didn't he want one... I mean he was either lying about how great I was or lying to himself. And then it happened... for the first time ever the competitive, debating Jon that I loved said he was wrong. I thought "ya you're one wants to date me" but he finished by saying that he should want to date me because I was a great catch. In fact, he said, he did want to date me but he thought I deserved better. To this day (and long before that moment) I knew that there wasn't any guy better for me than Jon. There were a few more talks after that one...but by the end of the next day we were dating.

We decided to not talk about the fact that we were dating with people. We just kept it very quiet. Later, we'd gradually started admiting the truth to others. Jon didn't even tell his family till he had already asked me to marry him. But that's our great dating story (at least my version... I'm sure he has his own). We had a lot of good dating memories...trips to Disneyland, trips to the Historic town near where we live, trips to the snow in the middle of the night just because we could. We went to church events, parades, movies and we played a lot of pool but nothing compares to that first list. Nothing at all...

Boy that was Quick

I used to be insightful. I used to have great important religious and theological posts. And then I got pregnant and all our friends decided to marry, have babies and graduate from college. Suddenly, six months has passed and it seems that all I ever write about now is Layla. (Which of course is ok because she will be the center of our universe soon) but I want more. I want more interaction with my readers and more deep thinking...

I've seen other bloggers ask people to submit questions via the comments or email and they would answer them. So I think I'm going to try it. Please submit ANY question you like to me and I'll do my best to answer it honestly.

Thanks for your help.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Growing Up

This morning I sat down to write a post about feeling all grown up. But, before I did I hopped from blog to blog reading my usual blog rolls and catching up on my favorite stories. While I was at it I clicked over to the hubby's blog on his myspace to see if anything exciting was going on there. That's when I found it.

Yesterday, or perhaps it was the day before, Jon and I were having this strange conversation about how having kids doesn't make you feel grown up necessarily so much as it makes you feel like you are a grown up. What makes you feel like an adult is that transformation from wanting things to actually being able to plan and execute a way to get them.

There is a certain unreal calm that sits in the first day you sit on your first piece of brand new furniture talking to your husband about the utilities being paid in full and planning what to buy next for the baby and knowing that you are growing up. It's the first time I've ever felt like "damn I'm an adult" to the point that I had to mention it to someone else.

There is a lot of growing up in getting married, paying bills and planning your career... but it is nothing compared to knowing that the plan is working, the bills are paid and your marraige has found another sweet spot where no one is frustrated and nothing important is found wanting.

Personally I think he said it better than I did. But the fact that we both keep saying it feels really good.

Friday, June 01, 2007

21 weeks

Last night was a great example of what it is like to be 21 weeks pregnant. By the time I got home from work I was really tired and really wanted garlic. So I ordered a Garlic Chicken Supreme pizza and laid on the couch a bit. Then I got my second wind. I love the 2nd trimester 2nd wind.

My second wind came in the form of a bundt cake. My mother in law gave me her bundt pan (to replace the one I broke) and I struck out on a bundt mission. One of the girls in my scrapbook group last night teased me off and on about how I just whipped up a bundt cake. She thought it was the funniest thing ever. I thought it was tasty.

Last night was scrapbooking and then girl talk with my sister in law. We got pretty carried away with the girl talk and she didn't end up leaving till after 10. Then I went to bed. My hubby had gone out with Batman for a drink and then he was supposed to go to a going away party for work so I enjoyed turning the fan on high and sleeping on top of the comforter. Ah blessed cool air.

I woke up at 1:40 thinking hmm... "it's a wee bit nipply in here" turned down the fan, went pee and then texted my husband (who still wasn't home to make sure he was alive). Then I went back to bed.

I woke up when he came home around 2:30 and I went pee again. The thing is...the second time I went pee I opened my eyes while the light was on. I ended up being awake for over and hour and a half. I kept my husband awake too...talking about nothing important until he started snoring while I was mid sentence.

Eventually, the cat and I got comfortable and we slept till 5:13 when my room mate came home from working a sober grad night. I went pee again. Can't go pee too much when you are pregnant and then back to sleep till 6:30 when the cat stepped on my boob and I awoke to a nice boob cramp. Sigh. Pee again.

I ended up sleeping till the alarm went off at 7 am and making the hubby hit snooze once. Ironically when I got up I didn't have to go pee and I took a shower and did my morning rituals which now have expanded to include weighing myself, putting on stretch mark prevention cream that smells like elmer's glue and standing next to my pile of 5 maternity shirts trying to remember which ones I'd already worn that week while being kicked by a small person who really wanted corn nuts.

That's what it's like at 21 weeks people: energy, weird food, peeing and my personal favorite moving baby all the time (and I do mean all the time)