Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Courtney has been nice enough to accept my begging and pleading and take our family pictures and Layla's 2 year old pictures...not a doubt in my mind that I made the right choice!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Every toy we owned was systematically examined and pulled out of the toy chest and little feet ran up and down the stairs. It was wonderful.It was also a little sad because it's probably the last time for awhile that Layla will really get to play with any cousins. Especially cousins her own age who like to drum on the piano... a classic meeting of two similar minds.
But we wish them the best and pray for their safe travels and start saving our pennies ASAP so we can go visit.
Monday, September 28, 2009
You're also very imaginative. You're always pretending to eat something from your pretend kitchen or to call Nannie on your little plastic cell phone. You act out scenes from your favorite movies and you know all the best lines. The other day you gave your best Winnie the Pooh impersonation and I personally think that they should change the line from "oh bother" to "oh brother" because your way is much cuter.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
She was the perfect pick to be the first person who ever took care of Layla without me. She eased me back into work by arriving early, sharing lots about her day with the kids and visiting when I got home.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Mel's belated birthday post
Pictures from Nevaeh's birthday
My birthday letter to layla (luckily I saved a copy of this one)
Layla's birthday party pictures (by the way send pictures if you took any good ones)
And a post about girlfriends.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Guess in weeks and days... Example: 6 weeks 2 days
Winner gets bragging rights and I will make sure they get the first baby status call.
People who guess non-viable will be turned over to my mother for punishment, I am sure she can come up with something.
You have 22 hours... Ready, set, go!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The most fragile and powerful statement an artist can make... Look at me I took ordinary and made something awe inspiring.
This is what it's like being her mother. There are days when she molds me and days when I mold her and together with daddy we are making art. Life art.
We take something so ordinary and we try to apply pressure and tenderness at all the right points to make her more beautiful and in return, from the process she changed us into something that makes me stand in awe.
But the sugar sand was beautiful before the chef changed it from simple purity to complex creativity.
And although the art is amazing it is no more amazing than it was in it's raw form.
But the process defines us, how we create, what inspires, how we celebrate small triumphs and how we handle the frustration of flaws in our plans.
My creation, created me. More was gained from the journey than I saw coming. And it is beautiful.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
She came downstairs and told me she wanted tigger. We watched half a DVD and then she brought me a princess movie and said 'ok now I watch nother ones movies'.
She didn't want breakfast but stole my toast and keeps offering me a drink from her milk cup. In honor of my Saturday morning laziness she is allowed to take honey butter toast fingers and sit at her little table and write with a big girl pen.
She counts the scribbles on her paper, always 13, the highest number she can count to. She pretends to princess dance with a pillow case cape. Then makes me write letters, L-A-Y-L-A.
There is a whirl of quick gibberish as she runs to the TV and stops to stair right as the enchanted music sequence kicks up. She giggles at dancing rats.
Later there will be bath time and a cousins birthday. There will be lunch on the run so we don't have to wait later. There will be cupcakes and sharing. Rules. Later there will be rules.
But not now, now I am content to let her be the boss a little bit.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Last time there were blood tests and hormone shots and emergency ultrasounds and this time being as the dr doesn't know when we conceived he's taking the 'let's act like this is a normal pregnancy' route.
There is no normal route once you've miacarried as many times as I have.
There is too much unknown. Is there someone alive in there? Is there a heartbeat? Is it too early for a heartbeat?
It could be well over 8 weeks or way under 6 weeks.
It's too much prayer and not enough divine intervention and I am losing my cool.
I want to pee on every test strip in longs but know that won't tell me anything until it's too late, if even then.
I just want to cry.
1. Strawberry Gogurt (yogurts)
2. Graham crackers
3. Chicken nuggets or mcnuggets
5. Spanish rice with chips
6. Scrambled eggs
8. Salsbury steak TV dinners
9. Canned peaches that are room temperature
10. French fries
1. Canned vegetables
2. Corn not on a cob
4. Unidentified bites on forks
8. Most ice cream
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
3. Crayons and paper
4. Books for Story time
5. Disney movies
6. People, especially nannie, papa glen, georgie, daddy and mommy
7. Stealing sips of pepsi
8. Adventures outside or at the park
9. Getting your shoes and going bye bye
10. Cow and your pillows at nite nite time
11. Taking peoples seats when they get up
12. Playing in water whether it's a sprinkler, pool, ocean, bath tub or sink.
1. Strangers who come into the house and take a seat
2. Patiently waiting for things
3. Vegetables that are near your plate of meat and carbs
4. The little bad wolf when he blows big wind
5. Getting back into the car seat after long drives
7. Sitting still
8. Not being allowed to empty people's purses just to see what's there
9. When people mix sorted things together
10. Stacked towers of blocks that have not been properly knocked down
11. Not being allowed to rip paper
12. When people go bye bye without you.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
I had horrible back pain and white blood cells in my urine so he's testing me for hormone levels AND for a pesky infection. He says it's probably my kidney's judging by the back pain.
He is going to get me a sonogram while I wait to make sure bean is developing and see how far along we really are because an educated guess doesn't calm the normally high risk.
Of course some girl in the office schedules those and so she'll call me and get me an appointment when she can. So I wait and hope it isn't during work hours.
In other news, morning sickness reared up today due to a potluck on the other side of the call center. Lucky me.
This would be the first test that I took when I decided we might be expecting another bundle of joy.
I shall call this one bean...
Until he/she tells me what color of bean they are.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
And yet I worry...because I feel sort of like the A team is missing several members. (Not their fault, just the way life works out sometimes.)
Friday, September 11, 2009
I started to make resolve with the inavoidable truth as I saw it. We would be ok. I would be ok. It was ok.
Then the dream came. The dream that said...maybe you should try hope out one more time.
So I tried another test of faith.
Test of faiths cost me $9.95 a box and have pee strips.
This one was a miracle. A fast showing, clearly marked with a + miracle.
This week a blood test confirmed it. In addition to a cyst I now plan ignoring until future notice... I am also growing a baby.
My very own baby who hopefully will arrive sometime near May.
Pray for us. We need prayer. Financially we're ok. Spiritually we're ok. Emotionally we're shocked but ok. Mainly, we need a prayer for strength for the baby & for me as I am usually a high risk pregnancy.
Three miscarriages later though, I still have hope. So many people have their hope lost when they aren't looking. So for that and for little tiny miracles I am thankful. So I pray...and I wait...like life is teaching me to do.
It was a good purchase. Thanks Paula.
It sort of chased off my overwhelming desire to have Christmas here RIGHT NOW.
Now I just want it to be Halloween. I think I might go to Starbucks on the way to work tomorrow and get a piece of Pumpkin Bread and a white chocolate mocha and start counting down until Halloween.
I just love Autumn. Once the Autumn rain comes it is officially my favorite time of year. I love rain. I love the colors of the Autumn leaves. I love breezes. The cool night breezes have already started showing up.
Last fall I wasn't working. I would stick Layla in fuzzy feeted jammies, tuck her in the baby wrap and walk around outside in the cool air and hum to myself. I love the wind. It stirs me to comfort. Have you ever been so moved you found peace in yourself?
Now when I hum she hushes me. Now when I wrap her she wants to get down and run. But the breeze, it speaks to her too. I can't wait until there are signs of Autumn that I don't have to create with a $3 candle. I can't wait until the breezes calm her and we can enjoy the outside together.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
We did it again the night before Labor Day. At 11 when I crawled upstairs to bed we were just rounding off a nice talk about what things our families did at Christmas.
My family was GREAT at Christmas. I had Christmas' that other kids dreamed about.
So now I have a kid and I'm always trying to balance AMAZING CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE with reasonable Christmas expectations.
Jon's family did a very traditional and simple Christmas so I am always bouncing things off him to keep myself in check.
But it's not even Halloween and I'm totally ready to stuff some stockings.
This year she will be old enough to get the concept of Christmas.
I can't wait.
I even dreamt about it last night.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
I didn't notice the change while it was happening. Then one day BOOM she's a toddler.
In not enough days she'll be two. TWO. 2. two. two. No matter how I say it, it just sounds so incredibly grown up.
She's marching around on the bed behind me counting and yelling "see it" over and over so I will turn to watch her plop down on her little tushy mid jump.
Oh baby... I see it... I see it and so much more...
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
That was 3 miscarriages, 2 job loses, 1 child with our stubborn temperment, 11 months of post baby anxiety, 1 year of cosleeping, several crazy family members, 1 mother in law who went through tragedy, several friends lost, at least 2 financial crisis' and a dozen financial setbacks, and a huge cut in real life expectations ago.
It was also 1 beautiful daughter, a few friends drawn closer, jobs you like that have bad hours and jobs that let me be home with the baby more, gifts from god, forgiveness, learning that less is more, self sacrifice, and new limits to love growth we thought we'd never see.
And we're both still in till death do us part. We really never fight. We eat dinner as a family every night. I've grown to be comforted by the sound of you sleeping next to me. And I love you more strongly now that I did before.
Happy anniversary Jon!
Monday, September 07, 2009
I call it the spot.
She's been stuck to the spot for 3 days in various positions while doing various things.
The spot is very handy for standing on to reach things, laying on, sitting on to watch tv, and driving cars across. And that's just the stuff she's discovered so far.
It reminds me of a big red dot on a road map.
We are here.
We are at the spot.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
After mom left, and Layla was tucked snuggly into bed Jon busted out the supernatural season 4 DVD's and we watched some episodes in a dark room with a breeze threw the screen door that would make autumn proud. It was very relaxing.
We don't have cable. It's been a year now. What started as a small hiatus for financial reasons has turned into the norm and even though occasionally we wish we could just pop on the telly and zone out most of the time we are perfectly content with movies and episodes of our favorite shows on DVD.
We also don't rent media. That means we're limited to what we're willing and able to buy or barter to borrow from friends.
And you know what, there are days I am really proud of us for getting rid of something society says we need and instead enjoying time together.
I mean most of the time society leads me around by my pigtails and I can't imagine life without internet and cell phones but I am starting to wonder, how long would I have to go without it to detox from electronic addiction and start enjoying being less attached to the world everywhere I go.
Was the world really a better place in the past or did the onslaught of instant media coverage take what would have been small town drama and make it into large scale panic with scrolling text on the bottom of every channel?
Did what our ancestors didn't know really hurt their immediate quality of life?
I mean sure they didn't know the name of a child abducted 6 states away and what their parents were doing and what they liked to watch on TV and eat for breakfast but, they also got to ride their bike to the park with their friends and trick or treat to actual stranger's houses.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Friday, September 04, 2009
I work at one of those places that never closes and this weekend I'm on Saturday rotation. So while loads of people enjoy a camping trip or a mini vacate or even a staycation out back by the BBQ, I'll be at work. Lucky me.
I do get Monday off. But Sunday plus Monday does not make a 3 day weekend and my employee moral is very low because of it.
Listen to me. Bitch. Bitch. Moan. Moan. Whine.
At least I have a job.
So tomorrow I will force my half empty glass to call itself half full.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
As many of you know I have been jumping through medical hoops since I miscarried in May. I've had several blood tests, 2 ultra-sounds and about 254 million panic attacks that turned out to be for practically nothing.
Let me give you the long list of things that I don't have but have been tested for recently...
- thyroid issues
- cancer that is in my blood
- cancer in my stomach
- cancer in my ovaries
- a tubal pregnancy
- cholesterol issues
- high blood pressure
- low blood sugar
- incorrect and constantly changing blood counts
- an actual baby
- low potassium
- metabolism issues
- hormone deficiencies (in many forms)
- blood poisoning or an additional complication from the miscarriage
So that's the summed up list.
I do still have Stein Leventhal Syndrome (or the more severe form of PCOS for those Soul Cysters out there). I also have hair that's falling out, pain, exhaustion, hand tremors, numbness and tingling (thanks to the meds) and no menstrual cycle at the moment still.
Mostly, I have 1 ovary that is atrophied which I've had for awhile and now the other one has a cyst on it. But instead of going away on it's own...it's just hanging out and sometimes increasing slightly in size.
I've been given 4 options. Have a total hysterectomy now and stop worrying about it. Have a partial hysterectomy or the cyst removed now and worry a little because people with PCOS have a higher risk of cancer later. Have the cyst removed now and try to have another baby at impossibly bad odds. Wait and see what happens.
I have an appointment on the 14th where I will see if the medication I am on is helping the cyst go away at all.
Like I said when we took the first cancer test...at least it's not cancer.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
So far the first two days of September have brought on open enrollment for health benefits at work and the scheduling of a follow up medical appointment now that we know what's wrong with me.
That's just the first two days though. My mom's birthday is Saturday but I have to work and Sunday is the Newman Fall Festival. By Monday's holiday I predict napping.
The 8th is my anniversary. Do you know we've never gotten to celebrate our anniversary? The first one I was too pregnant and the second one I was too unemployed.
There are several kid birthday's this month including my daughter's tinkerbelle two year old bash at the park. Eventually I caved and handed her the party supply book and waited to see which theme she liked because I just could not decide.
So what does your September hold?