It's a Wonderful Life

I suppose I should be honest with myself and say that when I finish one test from God I usually end up thrust right into another one. Times they are a changing...and I'm stuck in the rat race with everyone else. But, it's all in all a good life...the one in which I get to live.

I watch my daughter changing with every breath she takes and I wonder at what point I lost the ability to be that adaptive. I guess at some point when I wasn't looking I just woke up and felt like and adult. And with that adulthood came that struggle to remain stable and good. I miss it sometimes, the reckless abandon that comes with young life.

Responsible, predictable, grateful. These are the things you become when you grow mature. So why am I still holding on to the hope that some other people will do the right thing. Why am I still hurt by a woman who seems to think she could shrug something so hateful away with a two cent apology? Why am I still scared to trust things I do not understand?

Because resolutions and proclaimations don't change your heart. Because knowing something and feeling it like second nature takes time and practice. Because I am human. And I can change... if I just keep trying. Even if it's not as easy as it was when I was younger.