In one hour I have an OBGYN appt. I'm torn between wanting them to induce me and being terrified they will induce me. The thought of a still birth is constantly looming overhead now and I don't like it. I haven't held down/in food for more than 30 minutes in 6 days and I've scratched my skin so much I have cuts and gashes from my fingernails on my chest, feet and hands. I am exhausted but I can't sleep.
I lay in bed each night alternating between waiting for Layla to move and praying that she's ok and then praying I can stop itching long enough to just sleep a little bit.
All I want is a healthy baby. I'm sure that's all anyone wants at this stage. I'm just not sure I know (or anyone else knows for that matter) that whatever we will do will result in a healthy baby.
Today we hit 37 weeks. In my Drs office 38 weeks is the magic number. One more week and they won't worry about lung function, liver issues or early labor... but I'm not sure I'll make it that long. Layla's heartbeat was strong on Wednesday and although I couldn't feel them I was having contractions about every 2 minutes... but I have not dialated to the best of my knowledge so there is no sign of a natural end in sight.
I knew I was sick and losing motivation when my fear of IV needles which I've had since I was 5 was suddenly gone. Heck, I think I'd even be ok with a C section at this point. I've thrown up 4 times since 4 am. That can't be good for either of us... surgery sounds better than slowly wilting away.
But, there is still hope in my prayers. They said we couldn't get pregnant. They said we couldn't make it past the first trimester. They said we'd spend months on bed rest. They said a lot of things. God said... hey... wait till the 35th week then we're going to make you miserable so you'll truly understand the miracle of life I am giving you.
Ok God. I'm listening.
2 comments:
Hey I was going to send you an email but you don't have it in your profile. I had Anna at 37.5 weeks. She was delivered by c-section due to several things. I hate needles too but the spinal wasn't all that bad. I was so anxious to get her out that I didn't pay that much attention I guess. Anyway, Anna was fine totally perfect after a very long stint of doing the NST twice a week and other stuff. I didn't have what you have. I had IUGR which is why they wanted her out early. Anywho, just wanted you to know that I am sure all will be fine. Trust the Lord to look over you both and trust your instincts. Even above the doctors advice. You know your body and your baby better than anyone and that is something you need to always remember! You and Layla will both be in my prayers!
mine too. :)
Post a Comment