.jpg)
Looking at this picture taken before my first date night with the hubby since the baby was born you can see it in my eyes. I'm reluctant. I'm scared. I knew at the start of the day it would be a hard thing for me to do so I made sure that by the time the hubby got home I had confirmed the Grandma babysitting arrangements and gotten changed. My makeup was on and my hair was done, I knew I looked presentable but secretly I wondered if people looking at me would think... Gosh I can't believe she left the baby at home.PPA- Post pardum anxiety is a huge part of my life still. It sits there under the surface taunting me. It was the force that put the cell phone on the table all through our romantic dinner at Vito's and the looming feeling that made me check my cell phone for messages during our 3 wonderful desserts even though I knew I didn't have one.
I made it though, I made it through dinner and our shared desserts. I made it through a few games of pool before it started distracting me from my game. I even pushed it aside long enough to run to target. But when I got home at 9 all I could think about was holding my daughter and smelling her hair and feeling her warmth against me.
Next time will be easier. It has to be. But boy that first step was a doozie.
4 comments:
I hated our first date after Ben was born. I think we made it two hours. He was fine, of course, but geez. I was sorely missing my Benji Baby. We've had a lunch date without the kids once since Anna was born. We were gone an hour. I swear I had serious doubts that my mom was capable of handling my two kids, even though she had raised four kids herself.
I also had a rough time the first time out without Anna. We went to a restaurant and ate and then went and walked around a store. After probably an hour and a half I told my hubby we HAD to go home NOW! It does eventually get a little easier but even now I call and check on Anna even if she is with her Grandparents.
Actually, Allie, it does get a little easier but never again will you go out without a little feeling that part of you is missing. I still get a strong feeling that I must see a kid if it has been a few days. Miss Layla and I did just fine, but I must admit that several times she got that "Oh my GOD! Where is my Mom!" look and her face would get red, at which point we would take a cruise around the house! But it was just heaven for me! Thank you.
By the way, you looked lovely.
Post a Comment