Shiner Watch 2009

Because inquiring minds are dying to see updates. The swelling is mostly gone. It's mostly yellow with only a small purple spot now. *sigh* Not the best picture of me but the eye is pretty clear in it.

Close to you

When Layla doesn't feel well I can tell instantly. Her need to touch me goes from once every 10 minutes to once every 10 seconds. Her constant touch sometimes drives me crazy but I know it gives her comfort so I do my best to let her lay for endless amounts of time on my lap watching movies. Her favorite is to push up against my legs at the bottom of my chair with her hands on my lap. I don't know why. It seems akward to me to stand at someone's feet with your hands on their lap for an hour straight. But, it's not my comfort, it's hers so she can do it however she likes.

Her primary form of comfort comes from laying on me. She used to stick her hand up my shirt while she slept when she was a baby but as she's gotten older she sticks it inside the pillowcase instead. Not Thursday night though. Thursday night a molar made it's nasty entrance into the world and I found myself sleeping all night with a toddler on my chest with her hand on my tummy under my shirt and that stuffed cow I love to hate laying on my face wrapped up in her spindly little arms.

At least one of us was comforted by the situation.

Making good time

This week has felt like one giant game of hurry up and wait. Work, the kid, the hubby, the family, money and even my menstrual cycle seemed to all be caught in a loop of worry, wait, complete, move on, have to hurry, worry again and so forth. Despite all that it is nice to find myself home while the sun is still shining and watching the baby play on the floor. As she dances along and makes a mess during the boring parts of her TV show I find myself vividly aware of how big she is, how smart, and how beautiful. God's little miracle. She came in her own time and her own way and she's been moving right along at her own speed ever since. Maybe it's time for me to learn yet another thing from being a mom. Maybe I'l be lucky enough to learn that all things happen in their own time and that I have plenty of things to enjoy while I wait.

A place to be

Layla has started to explore. Curiousity caught her today when she was supposed to be napping. I found her under her bed instead of in it, hiding books from her bookshelf and some of her favorite upstairs toys for later I guess. Perhaps it's her first clubhouse.

I can relate to her need to have a spot all her own, things that no one else touchs or gets into. A place that is quiet and filled with comfort that you can feel surround you.

Mostly I find mine in books.

Which is good because it's easier to wrap myself in words than it is to try and squeeze myself under my bed.

Aubrey Asked...

I said something about the last picture of my "black" eye being with makeup on and with reduced swelling so that lead to a few emails about "what does it really look like". This is from today. DAY 7 of the Shiner. This is without make up of any kind. There is no longer any swelling. Now I'm just purple and yellow.

Niobe asked...

Niobe over at Dead Baby Jokes has a post about eye colors. My eyes change color. As my driver's licenses claims they are sometimes brown and dark like chocolate. And like my family will attest they sometimes turn a rich green color similar to sage that has been left out to dry. Sometimes, like today...they are a mix of both...some hazel half breed. My eyes hold my mood... if you can read their color well, you will always know what I am thinking. And as you can see today without makeup or airbrushing... I am tired. Blood shot eyes mean the same thing no matter what color your eyes normally are.

For the record. Layla also has my bizarre color changing eyes. They are a trait we both inherited from my Grandma Gerty.

It's in her blood

She comes from a long line of talkers, trouble makers and daredevils. I should have known what I was getting into the first time she screamed with joy as Jon threw her in the air. But, I didn't see it coming.

She is absolutely fearless, she has great balance and I swear she thinks she's two. She knows some of her colors, how to count to 4, and a few of her letters on sight. She can sing all of itsy bitsy spider, do all the hand motions for at least 3 other songs and she doesn't skip a beat when it comes to dancing to music when she hears it.

She's a genius. I know all moms think that but I've started comparing my kid to others. So I asked her Dr casually on her last visit and he gave her the 2 year old test...which she passed at 14 months. So now we're 16 months and while I listen to other kids hack out their 10th word, or echo phrases but not use them on their own. I secretly sigh in relief that I won't have to worry about her reaching a milestone for awhile now...being as she passed most of them early.

She sleeps in her own bed, she eats well and with utensils and straws, she even tells you what she wants most of the time.

I am blessed. I am so blessed.

I especially realize that now that I work at a place that specializes on helping people with health issues. Every day I talk to parents with children who have Autism or Asberger's or sometimes things far worse than that. Parents who talk about how their kids repeat words they say but don't really talk on their own, or who's children were late to walk or late to feed themselves. People who worried as their kids had trouble with social issues like biting or hitting way past when they should have. I spoke to a mom yesterday that said she always wondered but she didn't figure it out until her two year old only said words after they said them and still hadn't walked. God...how terrifying that sounds to me.

And I pray... I pray that I stay this blessed, that she is always healthy and happy and whole.

Then I pray more... for the other's I know who are blessed with children, or who are about to be blessed with children. Because sometimes you're work effects how you view things...and I wish mine never really did.

The Signs of Sleepy

Our house is lazy, tired and under stimulated this evening. I barely slept last night and Jon and the baby both got up at 5 am. Although this picture was taken Monday before nap time it pretty much sums up how we all feel.

The Shiner

This is my eye on Day 4 with makeup over it. The swelling is completely gone finally but I still look like I should be playing professional football.

Moving on!

I really want to throw away half the stuff I own and have much less stuff.
I'm not just saying that because the baby learned that without socks on age can climb almost anything in our house.

She's walking the back of the couch like a mountain goat, dancing on tables like a wild yeti, and causing havock by climbing every box and gate we own.

Chapters

I have 2/3 of the way done writing a book. I have been 2/3 of the way done writing this book since December. I haven't typed one letter in my "book" since the week before Christmas. I'm having a horrible time holding myself accountable to things now that I'm back to work.

I need to finish scrapbooking the babies first year scrapbook. I need to type a few more chapters. I need to file our taxes. I need to find my extra digital camera from highschool. I really need to locate my/Jon's birth certificates that went AWOL after the move.

But, instead I find myself doing the same thing day in and day out. Go to work, feed the kid, read a little, go to bed, get up & start over. Then the weekend comes and it's a scramble of back logged cleaning, dishes and chores. I feel like I'm never going to catch back up.

I know in 10 years I'll look back at the things I'm struggling with now and I'll long for them instead of whatever I'm going to be struggling with then. "The good ole days" every one falls victim to it eventually. What I don't know is how I focus on remembering that today is a good day when sometimes it just feels a little overwhelming.

And, it shouldn't be overwhelming. I've just lost some of my support net, some of my village is overwhelmed with their own issues. I'm trying to be there for them but I find myself wondering what it would be like to not have to always be dealing with Drama... you know like I did "back in the good old days".

I suppose that's why I blog. So 10 years from now I can look back at the "good ole days" and remember that during this chapter of my life there were struggles...and that I got past them. This blog will serve witness.

Happy Belated Valetine's Day!

I'm so behind this week. I didn't get around to putting Layla in her Valetine's dress until today. Luckily, she still had valentine cookies in her valentine bucket to pose with. *sigh*

For Valentine's Day I got a new bra (thanks Honey!) and a black eye. The shiner was from the baby who took a spill in our bed this morning at 5:15 and landed accidently on my eye. She was unphased. I look like I lied to my mob boss, or cheated on my husband and got caught, or to other parents...like my kid kicked me in the face during a diaper change...which I guess is pretty common.

This week will be extremely tight for Jon and I budget wise, so we spent Valentine's at home with a friend playing Munchkin (my favorite card game) and the boys had a little to drink after the baby went to bed...and then they played video games after I went to bed.

As far as valentine's go... it was pretty good for the plastic commercial heart holiday. There was upset, laughter, and later a black eye... but there was cake... everything is better with cake.

The Easter Bunny's Basket

This basket has been in my house forever. I think it was one of the first things I bought when as a teenager I started venturing to renaissance faires alone. It's also held books, DVD's, toys and even laundry in my house before. It's a useful giant basket. It just got retired from being the toy basket in Layla's room. When I moved it into my room (empty) she decided it was her spot to sit and play in our room.

I recently purchased her Easter basket so the bunny could get started filling it a little with each paycheck. It's a lot smaller than this basket. I hope she won't be disappointed when she can't sit in hers.

Happy Belated Birthday Garratt!

Jon's brother's birthday was on the 10th. I'm a slacker... I just remembered last night. Funny thing is, I knew his birthday was coming and then blanked out on the actual day of. So here's his belated birthday post.

Garratt is the kind of fun loving person that makes people around him smile. Once, when it was not his birthday he pretended that it was at the local restaraunt so that his family would get a good laugh (pictures above & below). He makes silly faces, wrestles the kids and loves Goofy.

But, the best thing about Garratt, is that he'll probably forgive me when he finds out I posted this pictures on the INTERNET!!

Happy Belated Birthday!

Things Layla decided she could do this week...

• Lock herself in rooms
• Say yes to any question where the answer isn't obviously no
• Climb on to the side table in the living room
• Climb on to the kitchen table
• Climb across her book case
• Climb on to the big beds
• Count to 3 (always) and 4 (sometimes) and 6 (rarely) but never on command
• Find and say the letter J in her alphabet book
• Run without going sideways
• Call Nana on my phone despite it not working correctly for me
• Open a sippy cup lid
• Put on her left shoe
• Pull her own shirt off
• Drop an F bomb when she broke something
• Ask for specific movies and then mimic them on TV
• Dance like Daddy
• Dance like Mommy
• Sing two new songs, making the list now...Wheels on the Bus, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Prince Ali (from Aladdin) and Route 66/Life Could be a Dream (from Cars)
• Drink from a cup without a straw
• Properly eat yogurt with a spoon
• Hide things from us based on size... (flat things under things, round things in things, etc)
• Identify the color blue, pink and NOT blue (otherwise known as any color other than blue or pink)
• Correctly use keys

And lastly...

• Not perform any of the above mentioned things on demand but only when the mood strikes her and it will get her the most attention.

I Heart BlackBerry BackUp

Ok... so the phone died. You know that part. But what you don't know is why... well it broke because some lady I knew in highschool sent me a forward (which she does a lot) and my phone previewed it which counts as opening it (just like the view window in outlook) and it had a virus.

The virus was wimpy so it didn't hurt my PC but it killed my phone. The phone started eating any message that I sent out, most messages that I recieved via text, etc...

It was tragic

But, my phone is under warranty and it was supposed to have virus protection... so now two days after I made my complaint to AT & T wireless the nice people at Blackberry have sent me a cranberry red pearle just like my last one...

Minus a virus.

Jon is currently putting my myspace back on my phone and thanks to the Blackberry back up on my PC from the 10th, I only lost whatever messages I received (and didn't notice missing) since last Thursday.

It even kept my bookmarks for the internet.

I love this phone.

Grumpy

Today I feel like I'm fighting the world and had it not been for a good husband, a wonderful daddy and a BFF that was willing to listen I might have actually had to.

Maybe it's PMS...afterall I haven't had a period in ... um... forever.

But it's probably more likely that it was the mess up at the electric company that got our power turned off when it shouldn't be and then the not nice man when I called to arrange my car payment for tomorrow. Maybe it was the massage I missed out on and the horrible dreams the full moon gave me last night.

Whatever it is... I hope I can sleep it off.

Busted

Today something off happened and now I am behind and stressed out. Pray for patience.

On the Random

My phone is dead. May it R.I.P. they are sending me a new one...I think.

My menstrual cycle is alive. Thank you, Jesus!

My new schedule is awfully early but my kid is awfully cute after work.

I heart fresh asparagus steamed with butter and sea salt.

The baby plays alone in her room now when she doesn't want to nap. By play, I mean that she destroys her room and laughs while she does it.

We might actually get a very very small tax return.

My FSA is finally set up and I should get the new card in the mail in about a week at which point I can finally go to the dentist.

This Little Light of Mine

This is what brightens up my days.

It's beautiful to me how a child experiences joy. I love how when she feels joy it bubbles out of her in her laugh, her eyes, her posture and the light around her seems brighter and filled with hope. I love that when the spirit moves her she is open to the compulsion to do what feels happy. To dance, to sing, to clap, to run...

I love that she is alive with love. I love that she is a little light that is always shining. Twinkling even in the darkest moments... she is a sign of God's love, in both noun and verb form. She is the definition of new experiences, the example of whole hearted and the explaination for a life lived loudly and without real explaination.

Spring Cleaning Bug

Jon and I have both caught the spring cleaning bug. Last week we moved around furniture...giving our living room and dining room a little make over to make them both baby friendly for feeding times. Then yesterday there was the purging of baby toys to boxes, the cleaning of Layla's room, and the reorganizing of our office filing cabinet. Today I'm not sure what will get done but here are some things on our to do list... in no particular order...

1. Dig the Easter decorations out of the attic
2. Clean out the closet under the stairs so it is usable not just a giant pile of junk.
3. Clean out the two baskets in our closet
4. Donate baby clothing to charity to get it out of our closets
5. Re-organize the garage and get rid of things we don't need.
6. MINIMIZE our collection of collections... do we really need all this stuff??

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Today I'm airing out the house and getting some much needed posting lined up on my food blog. I also posted baby pictures finally on Layla's blog and I think I'll make some cowboy cookies later this afternoon. I need to make one more trip to the grocery store and to take a shower with out a baby underfoot and shave my legs.

I'm super excited I start my new shift tomorrow. 6 am to 2:30 pm Monday to Friday for the month of February...then it changes again. That leaves weeks and afternoons with my Layla bug and hubby as well as plenty of time to go back to school.

So I'm going to go deal with the spring cleaning and when I'm done I'm going to get out my work clothes and get ready for tomorrow. Both of which seem much more important then finding a blog prompt right now when I can't think of anything to blog about.

Recap, Regroup & Reappropriate Accordingly

Back when I had a job where I managed people, I used to assign myself calendar time once a week called RRR. RRR was thirty minutes where I focused on recaping issues I faced that week, regrouping my undone to-do list and reappropriating tasks according to priority.

This week has been a busy week and I sort of wish I still had a little RRR on my calendar. That would be a nice change of pace. Time to look back at the week spent on the phones at the new job getting things done. A little more time to pray for the friend I can't call because my phone doesn't work and who hasn't written back to my emails because I know she's struggling. A little time to find a red shirt to wear to work tomorrow, figure out what's for dinner and rejoice in today's small victories (I won hockey tickets at work & I got a pretty good schedule bid finally).

Those are the sorts of things that seem to be tumbling around inside my head because I can't seem to nail them down to anything. I'm a bubble of repeating myself, losing my keys and going to bed entirely too early because I just want to.

Meanwhile, my daughter is pushing toddler boundaries, my husband is keeping the laundry done and my life keeps being it's normal spastic self. Tomorrow is another payday that will be gone just as soon as I get it and next week is another week of things to do.

But you know what? Now that I stopped to blog about it... it seems not so stressful. See I knew a little RRR would help.

My Valentine

One year for Valentine's day he gave me a kiss. Then one year he held me while I cried about t

he baby we thought we'd lose. The next year he gave me a get out of jail free card when I couldn't leave my daughter at home on Valentine's day. This year he gives me the gift of being a fabulous father who keeps me smiling and loves his daughter so very much.

I guess that's why I picked him to be my Valentine forever.

Oh Potty!

Let me just say that for the last oh... I don't know... week and a half... I've been blogging from mobile blogger on my cell phone. It takes forever and I feel like it never makes much sense but it's just been so darn busy. I haven't checked my email in at least 11 days and now I just don't want to because I know it's going to be full of junk and I don't want to waste time deleting it. So I'm going to procrastinate on that even further.

I DESPERATELY need to go to the post office. I have had three packages to ship in my car since DECEMBER. Pathetic no? I also really need to get my taxes filed, find my lost set of dangly earrings and call back my car payment place. None of which will be happening today.

The fertility drugs they put me on make me feel tired and sickly. I don't remember that from last time but I got pregnant almost immediately last time so I might have blamed the baby. Working the new job is fun and it keeps me busy during work hours and then I come home to my little devil child.

Not that she's evil, she's just OVERLY curious lately. For instance I took this picture last week while I was getting ready for work. While I did my eyeliner she sat on the potty and told me she was going "pee potty" then got down and proceeded to unravel ALL the toilet paper. *sigh*

It could be worse. I have friends going through actual life drama. I'm just watching the tail end of financial drama whip past me and working on getting my feet back under myself. In the meantime, blogging will be less than daily but more than once a week. That's the best I can promise. Maybe if I stick to that I can actually make that phone call and go to the post office.

I wonder how rude it's considered to make that phone call while waiting in line in the post office?

I'm an excellent multi-tasker.

Mildly Overwhelmed is easy

You know you've had a tough year when the mildly overwhelming stuff doesn't even phase you anymore. In fact you know you've had a tough year when you don't notice something could be overwhelming until it's almost over. I've hit that point.

Some things are easy now that I'm used to it.

Last night we went out to dinner with other adults. Someone brought a kid the same age as mine. I floated through that unharmed...my one night out as an adult being kid friendly.

Then someone died that I didn't know but I watched the path of broken hearts it left behind and I prayed for them but I didn't stop in my tracks and have to recover my sanity.

There is clutter in the closet, pee on some sheets, and I broke a nail all before 8 am. No big deal.

Truth of the matter is, I'm getting my defenses back. I missed the confidence to be "ok" a lot while it was gone but I'm glad it's back now.

Money is still tight, but there is always hope. There is even talk about communal living that brings hope and joy to my heart (even if it doesn't work out I got to think about it and that's exciting). There is a job with a desk with a drawer. There is a babysitter who does more than she should for less money than she should. There are friends who call and stop by. There are babies coming (6 of them...none of them mine).

And God saw fit to give me my fertility perscription for free from my insurance. I think it's a sign. A sign that this year might actually be easier than the last one.