To Listen

I have a girlfriend who only calls me when she needs something. I know everyone has one of those. I have another girlfriend who stopped calling me when things got busy. I have a girlfriend who got carried of by judgement and couldn't forgive me. I have a girlfriend who just walked away. And then...

I have a girlfriend I just reconnected with. I spent the last month listening to her battle out her inner demons and exorcise some awful baggage. And then she was done and I prepared myself for the postpardum of our friendship. Then the phone rang on my bad day and for the first time in a long time I really felt like I had a girlfriend to listen (much to the relief of my mr fix it husband).

I know it was partially me in all those situations that made it harder or altogether ended a good time with a good girlfriend. I could have called more or writen more emails. I could have made plans or walked the extra mile. I could have begged for Christian forgiveness when it wasn't offered open handed. I could have... but I didn't.

I think I wanted to know my friendship has a value. I wanted to know that just being there was enough to build some sort of bond. I wanted to be worthy of someone forgiving me just because they could or calling me just because they missed my imperfection.

It's odd how the person who I thought wouldn't listen, has been listening so well and how much just having someone with estrogen to listen has changed me.

I could call. And I want to call. Because I know this time I'm not being judged, I'm not being stereotyped, I'm not an inconvenience or a bother. This time we're just both there to listen.