Thursday, October 22, 2009

Exam Week

I've had a sick kid for several days now. I went back to work today while she stayed with Daddy and tomorrow she will stay with Nannie while Daddy and Mommy both work.

This has been a stressful week. There was family drama. The finances took another hit as Jon's car started breaking down again and a stock cash out check got lost in the system. There have been stress contractions and not one but TWO times I forgot to go get a hormone level blood test while getting swept into the day to day things that need to get done.
I did finally vent some frustration by going through Layla's upstairs toys and throwing some things away (how many McDonald's toys does this kid have for craps sake?) and packing away the things she's outgrow until Bean is old enough to need them.
I'm still waiting on a bonus from work that will hopefully help out our financial woes and backlog of bills quite a bit. I wish it would hurry up so I could take something off my worry list.

We took Layla today and signed her up for day care (much to Mommy's broken heart- she seems to love the idea of a place full of little chairs, toys and kids in sand boxes). It will be good for her to get some social interaction and to learn to wait her turn and sit still before the baby comes anyhow.
She'll be going 3 days a week for a full day and staying home 2 days with Daddy. It ended up working out to be suprising less expensive and less stressful then I thought it would be. They were more than supportive about my worries about allergies and other kids with pet dander and gave me a form for her Dr to fill out and one for med info as well as offering to get her a teacher with no cats and make sure she sits not with kids with cats.
They have a 6:30 drop off time and we've managed to work that part out as well. Small blessings.
I'm struggling a lot right now with anger. I've talked to my friends (who act like my spiritual council) about it a lot and I've been praying. But mostly I am SOOO angry. One part hormones, one part situation and two parts I can't believe this is all happening at once. But one by one things are resolving themselves.
Having to stop taking anxiety meds to make a healthy baby has been interesting... there has been no shortage of things to worry about and things to be upset about. Some of them I'm sure I over reacted to and some of them given the same situation I would bend right over and draw the exact same line in the sand.
The nice part about blogging it all, is that I can look right at something and know what I was thinking, what I was feeling and what I wanted to say even if someone else took it differently than I expected. It's very raw and human to admit that something offends you and to be ok with the backlash when it offends someone else. I've learned a lot... but not the things that are you would expect.

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