Expected

I grew up with this gaggle of women swarming around always in each others business and helping each other out. I read books about divine sisterhoods and ya ya's who banded together through every possible crisis. I watched TV shows where girlfriend's owned inn's together and saw each other every day.

So I became an adult and I went looking for my sisterhood. I searched in college, in my young adult friends, and even in rekindled relationships from my childhood. If at any given time I got to have 1 or 2 good girls in my posse I got super excited, I just knew I was close to having my people.

But it always happened, the wedding tape where girlfriends were mouthing off during my big day, the day we brought the baby home and sat and stared at each other while not one single casserole or call came, the babies lost with no one to mourn with, and even now with a tumor and a baby trying to occupy the same space. Time comes for a chance to prove our sisterhood and we prove we really all are more talk than follow through.

It's not our fault, we're a different generation connected by facebook and accented with a text. And as close as some of our friends really are they still end up oh so far away.

I long for a community. Maybe someone with my hippy home life, or a girl who can always make me a laugh, someone logical, someone artistic. Maybe not all in the same someone.

If I had a baby shower tomorrow I'd have 5 girls I truly want to invite that aren't family.

Part of it's me. I expect a lot and I try to give a lot but sometimes I fail.

Ironically I have great guy friends.

What's wrong with me? Why am I always just outside the circle?