Once upon a time I lost a lot of weight. I died my hair and got new makeup. I bought clothes that fit. I went out to have drinks and dance with my friends and I went to work so tired that I had a hard time walking up the stairs at work in my high and flirty single girl high heels.
The thing is... I thought I was fat, ugly and uncool.
It's just part of my wiring. I'm never really happy with what I've got going on in the "looks" department. So now I'm more than five years older. My hair is dyed from a box because I no longer have the free-wheeling income to get it done right. My make-up is about to run out and I am in desperate need of both a pedicure and an eyebrow wax. And I feel just as fat, ugly and uncool as I did back then.
But now I'm married and I have a husband who loves me. I've got a daughter who tells me I'm "pretties" and pats the sides of my face with her little hands and gives me sticky kisses.
And there is something beautiful about that.
Now if only I could focus on it now, instead of looking back 5 years in the future and thinking...damn I was so awesome back then.