This week I've had a lot of time to think about what sort of parent I want to be. For me there was some sort of grow up moment this weekend where I decided it was time to go from acting like an adult to actually taking steps towards being one. There are some adult things I am totally comfortable with. I pull my own weight. I do my share. I communicate well with others. I am hospitable. I love well. But there are a few things I let myself limp by without dealing with. I don't forgive people unless they apologize. I never forget. I do things I know aren't responsible. I sometimes let my emotions guide me. I live in an impulsive enviroment where I reward myself for being interacted with. In short, I'm not perfect...and I know it.
What I am though is really really happy. For the first time in my life I feel like even the things that aren't perfect are managable. Not all of them are under my control but nothing feels like it's spinning out of control. It's a strange feeling. So this morning I was thinking about making a small list of things I wanted to change about myself before I'm someone's Mommy. I came up with 5 things I'd like to do. They're small but I think they'll help a lot.
1. I want to stop marketing myself to people when I really don't care if they like me. I seem to think I need to do what other people are doing to be cool. I don't. I know better. So I'm getting rid of the things I do just because "everyone does them". Things like my myspace account (which is a huge waste of time) and my desire to wear new clothing every summer.
2. I want to make responsible financial choices as a couple. Don't get me wrong Jon and I aren't frollicking around in debt and ignoring it but it's time to go from having "some savings" to a savings account. I know Jon feels the same way. So I guess it's time we sat down and made a plan.
3. I want to be accountable and hold others accountable for being productive human beings. I don't know how you decide if a person is a productive human but I know there are some small things in life that make a huge difference. Like are you doing chores that help you or chores to help everyone? Are you serving others in your community with the same graceful heap of time you give yourself to be wasteful? Are you showing people you care? Nope... me either... well I am but not enough so I'm going to try and do more.
4. I want to live a life that glorifies God. My home doesn't reflect my religion, neither does my clothing, my prayers do but that's a little to one on one with God. I need to start putting forth an effort to reflect God in my daily actions.
5. I want to laugh more. Last night I had a great night. I laughed a lot. I enjoyed myself with other women. I really liked laughing. I haven't had a great laugh in awhile. I used to laugh so much but now I'm so busy wondering why others are accountable and punishing myself for infertility issues I have no control over that I don't celebrate life. I want to laugh. Really laugh.
3 comments:
I am still laughing about Grandma and the waterbed...I had a great time last night even though I didnt get much done. The last hour was probably the hardest I have laughed since I found out Chads mom was dating a midget.
I am so with you on all those points. I canceled my MySpace a few weeks ago just for that reason... It felt great!!!
The savings thing was tough for us too. We finally broke down and set it up that ten percent of our paychecks was automatically put into a separate account. We have paid some bills from that account since we started, and it's rarely above five hundred bucks, but even that cushion is nice to have.
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