*click* I get it now.

At the family breakfast today Layla was hungry and tired and she was ALL OVER the place both physically and emotionally. And while it's easy to say 'well she's 2' there is a part of me that looks at the table full of toddlers sitting nicely and says 'yep I am failing as a parent'.

But I am not failing as a parent. My child is not your child. My child needs less stimulation to sit still and more stimulation to stay entertained so when we're all sitting there waiting for a meal she normally eats 2 hours earlier she has nothing to prove to you...so she does what she wants.

She wasn't bad. She just wasn't capable of sitting still. And once I fed her she was fine.

I know my kid very well. So I said I was taking her to the place we were going to take family pictures so she could run around a bit before pictures. Only by the time I got there and changed 2 diapers and unloaded 2 people there was no time for running.

I thusly spent an entire family photo time begging my child to sit down and using my mom voice. Layla just wanted to be as far away from EVERYONE as quickly as possible. She'd run away but only far enough to be alone. She sat alone on a bridge. She'd be the one facing the other direction.

Much like her Daddy who tunes people out when he has had enough and her Mommy who just walks away from the situation (because I don't actually need you to like me right now) she just stopped being willing...

From the first picture I took (this one) she was a split second away from finding a quiet place alone by being as far away as possible to the last one I took (where she is running away on the grass to be alone on a hill).

I totally get it kid. After a week of LOTS of people we love after several months of it being just us.... Mommy needs a time out too.

Bottle It Up

Today we accidently slept in a little bit. It was amazing. Then I made pancakes and we started a parade of bathing and dressing 4 people. Off we went to Layla's 2nd cousin Collin's second birthday were there was a bounce house and only 3 small kids who together had more energy than I ever remember having as an adult. The picture below was at least 30 minutes into bouncing in partial sunlight at high noon... she isn't even winded... lucky.

After some bouncing, running, bubbles and birthday cake we headed back home where the kids took a nap. Anyah spent the whole party pretty much like this...

It's hard to sleep with little people running around you and grandparents cuddling you. She's got a tough life.

After Layla's nap I took her with me to the grocery store for a little one on one time. Then I made tacos.

Tomorrow is our last REALLY BUSY day. After that it will just be busy. Busy is easier (or so I hope).

We've got an 8:30 a.m. family pancake breakfast followed by a playdate with friends and then I invited the Grammi from SC over for BBQ and one last playdate before she flies back across the country on Wednesday morning.

And after that, I'm going to see if I can drink up some Layla energy and actually blog some real pictures, maybe a recipe or two, and last but not least...a story without the words BUSY in it.

We're Late

Ok...actually we're on time...usually a little early...

But.

But I am behind posting event and pictures both on this blog and the kids photo blog.

It's not my fault.

I am distracted.

There are people visiting. The sun is out. I am always hungry. There isn't enough time in the day for cramming cupcakes into my mouth, dancing with toddlers to keep their idle hands from finding trouble and blogging well.

Two of those things are more fun than the last one.

So pictures will be late...at least I was nice enough to let you know in advance.

Busy Busy Busy

This week we've been booked, rescheduled, rearranged and otherwise tossed into plan chaos. It's been fun. All in the same week we have family visiting from Washington and South Carolina and friends down from Washington. Family alone there are 5 cousins and 2 sets of Aunties/Uncles and a Grammi we have been spending time with. We've had playdates, lots of lunches and yesterday we even squeezed in the Farmer's Market so that I could spread some organic locavore love.

This morning I lost my cool. I lost my cool so badly that Jon got up instead of sleeping in and told me to take a time out. Usually I am the calm one reminding Jon that "this too shall pass".

This afternoon we have time with the family at the park for a GIANT playdate followed by pizza *yummy*. I know I could definitely use some time outside and Layla will definitely benefit from RUNNING. (In case you don't have a toddler let me explain- they do not run...they RUN and when provoked or in large groups they do what I would call !!RUNNING!!)

Meanwhile Anyah seems bigger every time I look at her. Layla is talking up a storm which amuses me. Time marches on... completely off schedule.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

Anyah is in a nice pattern of eat-sleep-grow. Recently she finally started trying out times of awake and not eating. According to my Dr that's normal for babies who are a little early to take awhile to do...they have growing to finish up before they worry about things like staring at you for long periods of time without blinking.

Now that Anyah is sometimes awake Layla has taken an interest in doing things like playing with her hands as they fly around her in a whirl of newborn exploration and trying to get her to make noises by talking loudly very close to her face very early in the morning. Previously she was only interested in petting her head like a puppy and kissing her too quickly to be caught on film.

I can't believe it's been a month. On one hand it feels like Anyah has always been here. On the other hand-- I am just not very good at this yet-- which is ironic because it's the second time I've done it and this baby is more healthy and thusly a little easier to feed/change/put to sleep.

I already find myself looking at her little feet and thinking "weren't those smaller yesterday" and this time I know how fleeting newborn-ness is so I am soaking up the melt into you cuddling and early morning coo-ing before it's all gone.

My perspective has changed. Suddenly, Layla is so grown up. She's "using her words" more and her imaginative and explorative play has easily quadrupled in the time I've been at home. This week she had a Nannie's house day that resulted in 12 hours of sleeping and I swear she woke up smarter. I know that sounds weird but I think sometimes kids take a nap and wake up and something they have been trying to do forever will just click.

Or maybe I just woke up more aware of how much she has grown up...wasn't it just yesterday that we used to lay her in the middle of the GIANT queen size bed and watch her do newborn baby leg pilates?

A feeling I want to experience again...

When I am pregnant I feel beautiful. Suddenly, the parts of me that I love the most...they seem so much more lovely and the parts of me I am not so proud of? Well they vanish into the blurred lines and rounded edges.

Some people don't like it. Being pregnant. But, I have never felt as sexy or alive as I have when I am growing life. The roundness of a belly full of life feels powerful and filled with purpose. Rosy cheeks and the twinkle in your eye that only comes with knowing something amazing is happening every day right inside of you puts a little extra pop in my step. I love the curves of breasts bursting to maintain life.

I love that no matter how big you are when you are pregnant you never have to feel pressured to suck in your gut. I love that other people sparkle when you tell them how far along you are. I love the way you have to spread across a bed to get comfortable and you can lay there and feel someone you love but have never met moving inside you. I love the way Jon looks at me sometimes when he thinks I am not looking...like he is proud of us.

I'd like to know what it's like to feel that confident and beautiful when I am not pregnant. I'd like to know what it's like to accept the parts of me that aren't ample and full of new baby wonder. I'd like to teach my daughters what that feels like too...to feel more beautiful that you did on your wedding day, to glisten with hope while others look at you, to be unabashed with joy... after all, in a way...it's a feeling they taught me.

Contraband

The good news was she was not eating pennies which is what I thought she was doing...

The bad news is that she is apparently storing the fruit loops mom gave her in her piggie bank...

Yummy?

Not.

This week

This week is going to be delicious! We have a playdate and BBQ lunch tomorrow with the cousins & Auntie from Washington. Then Tuesday a visit to see Miss Jenny Meghan's new apartment & lunch of course (because we love lunch). I also have a Dr's appointment that day. Wednesday we have a playdate (possibly) with friends visiting from another state & Grammi Chris arrives from South Carolina. That leads to a week with Grammi visiting. Friday I am hoping to still be able to run by the Farmer's Market for produce. And now on Saturday the 3 cousins from South Carolina (with their parents) and the 2 cousins from Washington (with their parents) are meeting at the park for a giant family playdate followed by ??? You guessed it....more food. Sunday is Little Cousin Collin's birthday bash...mmm...cake... and a chance for the Great Grandpa who hasn't met Anyah yet to finally see her. OH! and there is family from Southern California up visiting on Sunday that we may or may not be able to squeeze a visit in with.

I'm feeling blessed to have this time to visit with family and bond with baby. I am also feeling blessed that I have a little time once it's over to take a nap or 12 because this sounds exhausting.

But the most blessed part so far is that I haven't accidently overbooked myself considering that I usually use the calendar in my phone for this sort of thing and my phone is still dead (and will not be replaced until early June).

Road Trip!

So originally I thought I would want to take Layla to the Monterey Bay Aquarium while I was out on maternity leave. Then, I remembered she was 2 and I just had a baby....so um...yeah we canceled that.

This morning Jon and I decided to take a little road trip to Monterey anyhow. We didn't do the aquarium but we did take both the girls and we had a lovely time being blown about by the wind, eating at Bubba Gumps, walking long distances, playing in sand (Layla), and riding around in a sling while people made comments about how it (Anyah).

It was good times.

On the way up we stopped at Casa de Fruta for a diaper change, leg stretch and snack shuffle. While we were there I knew I wanted to let Layla ride the merry-go-round and choo choo train. Layla is obsessed with the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Train episode.

She was all cool about riding the train. She didn't talk about it much. There were one or two "all aboards" and some "choo choo's" and maybe a "woo hoo" for the tunnel. This was the picture of her I took on the train mid ride.

But THEN we got in the car and the entire trip to and from the ocean was ALL talking about the choo choo train. So much choo choo train talk happened that we skipped Casa de Fruta on the way home and stopped in Santa Nella because I wasn't sure we'd be able to get Layla off a second train ride. Best $6.00 I ever spent.

I especially liked the part at Bubba Gumps when Layla cried because there was no choo choo at the ocean. Because the ocean is cool yo...but that crappy little choo choo train... it rocked her planet!

To Anyah at 1 Month Old

Hello Squeeky Anyah Bean!

This is your first letter from Mommy. I wrote your sister letters every month until she turned 1 and now I write her two a year. I'm going to do the same thing with you because you're growing up so fast I want to be able to look back and remember it all and I want you to know what I was thinking and feeling while you were growing up.

First off...congradulations on being one month old today. We went to Monterey to the ocean because nothing says one month old like a road trip where everyone but you gets to eat yummy things. You spent the trip in the sling but you didn't mind at all you love babywearing. The sling is your second favorite place on earth. Your favorite is mommy's arms while she is rocking in the recliner.

You're a very passive baby. You sleep A LOT (not that Mommy is complaining) and even when you are awake you are usually content to just look around. You don't move much, you don't cry much and you don't babble much...but when you're ready for something Mommy has about 25 seconds before you scream if you don't have it. Luckily you calm down just as quick as you heat up.

Now for someone who doesn't move you are rockin the baby skills list. You can hold up your own head when you're all the way awake and lift your head during tummy time. You can also flip yourself from your back to your tummy (you've done it twice now) which means when you get muscle control mommy is in big trouble because you've already got the strength.

So far you are completely calm and snuggly. You squeek a lot. You also fart a lot. In the digestive world you are the opposite of your sister. You eat well and regularly, then you fart a little and take a nap. You don't really burp. I can count on my fingers the number of times you have spit up in the last month. But, man all mighty do you like to squeek and grunt while you eat...

You also squeek while you move...

And you squeek when you want to be picked up...

You squeek when your sister makes too much noise and it's disturbing you (which is rare because you've already learned to tune out a 2 and a half year old better than mommy)...

Squeeekkkkk!!

That's you... it's adorable.

Unless of course it's diaper change time then it's "SCREEAAAMMMM" or bath time... lord help us all (there are not enough exclamation points and capital letters to describe your disgust with the bath process). There are no fuzzy blankets, or snuggly parents at bathtime. There is no bottle on demand at bathtime. There are NO socks at bedtime.*gasp* As far as you can tell bathtime has no benefits at all and should be eliminated from our lives...except then you'd be stinky...so you have to suffer through it *sorry*.

You like co-sleeping (so far we sleep with Layla in her bed because Daddy has literally had a cold for weeks now and Mommy doesn't want anyone else to have it). You will tolerate a pacifier if you are not hungry and just looking for a way to amuse yourself. You do really like fuzzy blankets (wasn't kidding about that part) and the swing. If I combine the swing and the fuzzy blanket I am guaranteed you'll stay peaceful for awhile.

You are by far the easiest baby I have ever encountered. I marvel at how different you are from your big sister. I marvel at the way you to love each other already, on how she insists you come to tuck her into bed and that Daddy and Mommy kiss you goodnight... little things that show me she is totally into being your big sister.

It amazes me that in 1 month I have already adapted to feel like you have always been here. We don't really struggle with having 2 kids (although sometimes with only have 2 arms or 2 seconds of patience left in our daily allowance) and I think that is because of your good nature and patience. You've taught me so much already about love and change. You've made me a little more calm as a mother.... or perhaps it's just that the second time you already know what you're doing as a parent.

Either way your gentle arrival home and quick acceptance of our mistakes so far makes me think some day you will be a lovely forgiving and graceful little soul.

I can't wait to see how that happens for you.

Love,

Mommy

And then 1 more

My grandmother had cabinets upon cabinets of canned and boxed foods. It seemed like every time the family space in her kitchen alloted to storing food grew with it. Perhaps it was an after effect of the Great Depression. Or maybe it was a side effect of a "largish" poor family growing up. I like to think it was her way of knowing she could always take care of us...that there would always be family meals when we needed them.

There is a part of me that wants to be like grandma. I want to know that there is always enough to make a family meal. I want to know that my families favorite things to eat are available if they want a snack. And, personally speaking, I want to know there will always be another Pepsi... I have issues.

What I don't want is that moment after grandma died where several people took several hours throwing things away that had expired and determining what to do with an overabundance of things no one really wanted to eat anymore.

So I have adapted to my environment and budget. My rule is usually have what you need and then have one more. Open a can of formula and have one still closed up in the cabinet. Put a case of Pepsi in the fridge and confirm there is still one on the floor to put in next. Never run out of frozen chicken nuggets. I keep extra frozen meat and extra staples in the pantry.

It doesn't just apply to foods. It also applies to the things this little family can't really function without...you know like diapers. There is always a half a case of diapers more than the one that's open. There is always an extra diaper genie refill. There is always extra wipes. There is nothing worse then worrying about getting baby necessities before payday.

It's a huge blessing when money gets tight and I have to stretch a pantry meal or 7 out of what we've already got. It's also a huge blessing when people stop by and end up staying for dinner. When is it not a huge blessing? Well...how about when you have a small kitchen and it's really hard to find someplace to put it.

So right now there are cases of drinks on the kitchen floor and the pantry is stacked in a way that's very hard to look through. It bugs the crap out of me.

Next on my to do list...find a place with a more usuable kitchen. Because I need a cabinet for food...and then one more.

A parents wish

May you always try live big.

May you always love trying new things.

May you always remember what it is like to feel like you are flying.

May you always know that you are beautiful.

What are you saying goodbye to?

Sometimes I just want to sit down and write. I want to write about nothing but something. I want things to flow. I want a post not about my kids or my day. I want to remember what it was like to think about something and really talk about it.

Welcome to my New Topic Today. Feel free to take this idea and run with it. I am using a random writing prompt generator and writing about it each week. The weeks topic will be the title of the blog. (If you use the topic please link up so I can go read it)

Enjoy!

**~~**~~***

What are you saying goodbye to?

I wake up in a tangle of quilts and tiny limbs. The toddler on one side and the baby on the other.

Little legs are thrown over me with reckless abandon and in her safe slumbers the two year old has placed one of her feet squarely on top of my bladder. I need to get up but I don't want to. I want to lay there and drink in the last few days of co-sleeping with her.

I want wrap myself around her and smell her sweaty little head. I want to kiss her cheeks that despite being washed before bed will be magically sticky. I want to grab that little set of two year old toes and memorize it with my hands.

It's all about to change.

The baby on the other side of me starts to grunt and squeek. Morning is coming. Soon the baby will be bouncing next to me to the rhythm of a toddler jumping on the bed and we'll all be alive and awake.

I roll to look at our newest arrival and I take in her tiny bed head, the crusties in her eyes and the way she squirms about looking for me with her eyes closed. I trace her tiny fingers with my other hand.

I close my eyes and take in the sounds of deep breathing and comfort all around me. I savor the last few moments before I say good bye to the quiet. I savor the last few days before I say goodbye to co-sleeping with my eldest. I savor the last few clear thoughts before my day becomes a blur of newborn moments.

It tastes like a goodbye. Salty tears of a torn heart mixed with the sweetness of what is yet to come.

Distracted

The crazy thing about having 2 kids is that I keep losing track of time. Someone needs to eat. Someone needs to be changed. Someone wants to be held. Someone wants to or needs to go somewhere. Someone needs a nap. Someone didn't nap well.

And the next thing I know it's Tuesday.

I had a sinus headache this weekend that would not go away. I really couldn't tell you most of what happened on Saturday or Sunday. It's a blur of dishes half done, loads of laundry walking past me with the hubby, a toddler whining, a baby staying up at the wrong time and totally random every day life.

Today was errand running, Nannie visits, chinese food for lunch, struggles for naptime and a baby with gas. Those are the big ticket items...and by tomorrow I won't probably remember half of it. And it's not like I am not getting any sleep, people are sleeping and eating very well here.

What I am struggling with is working the "need to's" in with the "want to's". It's been a week since I discovered I really needed to dust the living room. Today was the first day I actually got around to doing it...half ass...if I must admit it.

I guess my want to's hadn't quite caught up yet. I guess I'll keep working on that.

Foodie Burnout

I want to have a BBQ here at the house...except I have no reason to have a BBQ...I just want to cook. Isn't that weird?

I also have no one to invite really.

I am pathetic.

And yet I am all over the internet looking at BBQ recipes and still thinking about doing it.

Who's with me?

Scenes from Friday that do not involve me shopping

In His Image

I have always been a bigger girl. I love my curves. Right now I've lost weight, but I'm still a bigger girl. I still love my curves, I wish they would come out from under the wobbly skin that is left over from Anyah's previous abode...but time will do that all on it's own.

I am not trying to lose weight. I am not trying to gain weight. I just am. And what I am is a constant evolution. This week I purged my closet into garbage bags and stuck the bigger clothes in the attic... in case I need them again... because I might you never know.

I was made in the image of a God who loves me just the way I am... wobbly gut and all. And that is the most important thing I can teach my daughters. Being healthy is important but being able to love yourself is priceless and it leads to great things.

I am extremely healthy (fertility aside). So healthy that my Dr makes comments about how healthy I am every time he runs a test. I am healthy because I love me...and treating me like crap doesn't feel good. So I eat well, I get sunshine and I dance in the living room with my kids. I keep moving, I keep trying new things I keep learning and growing.

Those things I keep....they keep me... they keep me changing so I never get bored with myself.

I love that God gave me the ability to be ever changing and yet always the same. I love that he gave me stretch marks, eyes that change color and a mouth that gets me into trouble. I also love that I have no idea where I am going or how I'll get there...but he does.

Home with Girls

Last night Layla woke up twice in the family bed before Jon went to bed. He was sick anyhow so I moved her into the bed with Anyah and I. There was a little bit of crying because she was confused by what was going on but once she decided Mommy would actually be sleeping with her she settled right in.

I slept last night sandwiched between a cuddly baby and a clingy toddler. It was lovely.

The clingy toddler woke up with a head cold (same one Jon has probably) but so far the baby and I seem fine. I took vitamins today just to be safe.

Yesterday I made my first out of the house adventure after Jon got home and I went to a local video store that is going out of business. I bought some new movies for us and for Layla. Which was incredibly lucky for us... because now the sick toddler is whining in the recliner and watching Nim's Island while the baby naps and I try to get a few things done... important things like washing spit up blankets and blogging and returning emails that have been sitting for a week and washing bottles and dishes....adult things...oh so boring is the life I lead.

Boring and filled with detergents apparently.

A Day as Mom

Yesterday Jon and I went to see Iron Man 2 and then out for an adult beverage with friends. I was pretty tired by the end of the day. I couldn't sleep though, it wasn't that kind of tired. Right about the time I got "I could go to sleep" sleepy Anyah woke up and wanted to eat...and then my night got really really really long.


We (I mean Anyah and I) spent all night up and dealing with newborn gas and spit up. She finally went to sleep at 5 a.m. which means that of course Layla woke up before 7 a.m. Jon was nice enough to usher her downstairs and take care of her until Anyah and I drug ourselves out of bed.

It was then that I learned Jon is sick. He napped off and on all day. Layla was distracted with TV and snack foods. There was a late lunch, then nap time while I quickly called my mom to wish her a Happy Mother's Day only to have the baby puke on me during the call.

Nap time became dinner time (also late) and then bath time (also late) and then bedtime for the toddler (also late). It's now 10 pm and I still have spit up on the pajamas I've been wearing since yesterday.

It's just another day. It's Mother's Day...and I spent it being a mom...an honor I love... and I don't need a Hallmark card to appreciate it.

6 things I forgot about newborns

1. they squeek and grunt in a way that makes you want to kiss all over them but if you do that they get really upset really quickly

2. bath time must be done at the speed of a nascar pit stop

3. formula spit up smells funny

4. that whole blink blink stretch yawn thing is really really adorable until they've done it 35 times and they still aren't asleep and you really want to be

5. baby socks are magically pulled by gravity off your child and towards the floor but only when you have no available hand to pick them up and put them back on

6. when someone melts into you to sleep it's REALLY hard to stay awake in the recliner...hope the toddler didn't notice Mommy took a nap through part of lunch today

To Market

Today we went to the downtown Farmer's Market here in Turlock. Anyah in her sling, Layla holding Nannie/Mommy's hand and a big empty bag for our shopping loot was all we took with us.

Don't let how fascinated she is with these tomatoes fool you...she won't eat them. I think she thought they were balls made of food...which I guess they are. In addition to lovely tomatoes we found organic salad greens, fresh red onions, local olive oil, honey, and a variety of fresh baked goodies.

Anyah was the center of attention for most of the event. Several people stopped me to ask how old she was and how big she was. A 7 lb person in a sling must look a lot smaller than normal. She slept off and on in the sunlight.

Layla enjoyed scoring a cookie from Nannie and a package of brownies, petting the dogs of strangers and dancing to people's radios. The event (at this point) is only 2 blocks long (it's early in the produce season here) but it still had a good vibe and a wonderful selection.

We'll totally be going back each week while I am out on maternity leave... especially since the girls did so well this first time out.

The Best Plans

Yesterday and today there has been some well scheduled time out of the house. Yesterday my mom took Layla for what was supposed to be all day but ended up being just half a day while I alternated between picking up the house and resting with Anyah. Then Jon took me to run some errands and after a trip to Target/Costco we had a normal night at home as a family.

Today is the first week of the Downtown Turlock Farmer's Market. Mom is picking up myself and the girls at 9 a.m. and then we're off to find good produce. I'm also going to have her take me to the grocery store and to target to return the one item I couldn't return yesterday. Good times.

Saturday, Jon and I are going to leave the girls with my mom while we go see Iron Man 2 with other adults... that should be interesting. It took me MONTHS to leave Layla the first time so hopefully I won't freak out.

It really doesn't matter what we're doing we just like to leave the house and see the sunshine. And, much to my suprise...it doesn't take any more effort to leave with 2 babies as it did with 1. It just requires a bigger diaper bag.

Like Night & Day

My darling daughters fascinate me. They are sisters and some things about them are amazingly the same. They have the same nose, the same toes, they melt into you the same way when they sleep, they both have the same "what the heck is going on here" look. Sisters. Yet they are night and day. I knew they would be different, but I wasn't expecting polar opposites...and that is exactly what it appears I have at this point.

Anyah is my night child. She is MELLOW. She sleeps a lot. When she is awake she is perfectly content to just hang out. She likes to be swaddled & she loves socks. She craves warmth. She loves being held in your arms in a craddling position. She has been home 2 weeks and at this point she has cried (like really cried) 3 times. She likes to be touched. She seldom makes a noise above a squeek and she only moves when she is searching for someone to hold her or trying to figure out why you've unswaddled her. She hates having her diaper changed and baths. She puts herself to sleep (sometimes mid bottle) and takes her time with everything. At this point she is calm and quiet like the night. She is peace and serenity.

Layla is my day child. She wakes up to the fullness of life around her. She has always hated being swaddled and wearing socks. She wants to be out and free. From the moment she was born she has been yelling, laughing, and trying to break free from anything that might keep her in one place for too long. When she was a baby she seldom slept, she hated being craddled (wanting to sit up and see what was around her) and she constantly made noise. She loved being sat in a swing and left to her own devices right from the start... still does (notice the picture). She hated being wet or dirty and loved bath time. She was hard to put to sleep but slept well once you got her to sleep. She did everything quickly (from drinking bottles as a newborn to the fast paced banter of a toddler) and with wreckless abandon. At this point she is vibrant and awakening like the midday sun. She is chaos and fun.

I know that they will change and grow more every day and they won't always be night and day. I know they'll rub off on each other and they'll develop more of the parts of their personality that aren't evident to me now. But it's still amazing as a parent to love two people who are so totally different in what they need and what they respond to. Yet I do love them. I love them with the whole of my being. And they love me back, they love everyone actually...I guess that's another trait they share as sisters... a more important one than button noses and long toes.

They can't all be good days

alternately titled: I totally earned this margarita!

This morning Jon accidently slept through his alarm. The result was the hubby and the toddler waking up at around the same time and then Jon rushing out of the house while the toddler screamed his name from bed.

I got up and made my way to her in our room to find she was covered in "wetness" because her diaper had a critical failure of the left pull tab. Sucks. So I carry her to my room (because there is no way she is a willing walker...she's still screaming) and change her clothes.

Changing an unhappy toddler wakes the baby. So I change that diaper too. I try like 11 different things to get Layla downstairs and finally offer to give her chocolate cake (which I made last night) for breakfast if she (1) stops crying and (2) goes downstairs on her own- because carrying a toddler post c-section is bad and hard...and mainly...it freaking hurts.

Downstairs I give Layla her cake and a big glass of milk (to make myself feel better about the cake) and I feed Anyah. Then I go to the restroom (finally!!) because I can't wait any longer. Before I go in I put Anyah in the swing and turn on the evil Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the Choo Choo train so Layla will be distracted.

When I get out of the bathroom about a minute later Anyah is crying and Layla is standing by the swing telling her it will be ok...which is really cute until I realize BOTH my kids have chocolate icing lips and I KNOW Layla won't kiss Anyah...so.... PANIC!!!

Turns out Layla decided that Anyah was fussy so a bite of cake would help. As I am fishing a small bite of cake out of my newborns mouth I accidently trigger her gag reflex (unlucky me) and she throws up on my arm. But at least the cakes out, then I turn to Layla (who I have been talking to about how babies only drink bottles they don't eat because they don't have teeth and mid "ok mom" she sees Anyah vomit and whosh suddenly she vomits-on.me.

Now I have vomit on my shirt and my arm. I have two crying kids. I have the evil voice of Minnie Mouse making my skin crawl and I sit down on the floor and start to laugh.

Because the alternative was to cry...and if everyone is crying we probably won't recover well.

Happy Cinco de Mayo...I am so having a margarita tonight.

(for the record we are all fine now...we were fine 4 minutes after vomit fest 2010 ended)

Recovery

Every childbirth has a recovery time. They are different for different people but I think everyone has two basic things they have to deal with...the physical recovery and the emotional one.

This time having a c-section I pretty much knew what to expect. I insisted they let me get up and walk in the first day (much earlier than a normal person would), I turned down pain meds and instead focused on learning what my body could and couldn't tolerate well. I followed my instincts...and that worked for me.

It worked so well that I was home in less than 48 hours. But, there are things I still struggle with and there is mild discomfort when I am being good and moderate pain (or worse) if I am being stubborn or bad. Most of my pain is a direct result of my emotional progress.

I feel great, so I want to be able to pick up my toddler, clean house and make dinner. Those ironically are the things that can still make me not feel great. Being as independent in nature as I am I have to constantly remind myself this is only week 2 and to take it slow.

I can't handle situations where Layla needs to be carried and is crying with no other solutions making themselves evident so today on Jon's first day back to work my emotions overran my logic more than once and I ended up toting a toddler. To say I feel not good would be a HUGE understatement. The sad part is it doesn't matter because I'd do the same thing in the same situation if it happens again tomorrow.

Because sometimes recovering physically hurts less then waiting for your emotions to cope with a toddler and baby who both need/want/deserve a full time & full service mommy.

Birth Story Link

I finally finished Anyah's birth story and it published to the date that I originally started working on it so it can be found HERE

Then there were 2

Today was the first day that two little people cried at once. I know it won't be the last. Layla is over tired from a long day at Nannie's yesterday and Anyah is still sleeping a lot of time but when she's not boy can that girl let you know she's hungry.

I'm still not done with Anyah's birth story. It's hard to write real posts with 2 little people and a Bones on DVD addiction. (mainly it's the DVD addiction) I did manage to get pictures of Anyah and Layla (not together) on Bug & Bean.

Until I get caught up here is a picture of baby feet to hold you over...aren't tiny toes just yummy?