Warning Vomits @ Will

At the tone the time will be 11:45 and 23 seconds. My hair is in a matted slept in pony tail, my legs aren't shaven and I still have on the pjs I've worn to bed every night this week. I smell of apple sauce, baby wipes and PTSD.

My child has decided she can vomit at will. This means when you do something she doesn't like... like I don't know lay her down on the changing table... she'll cry once or twice, cough on her own spit, stick her fingers in her mouth too far to make sure it's a done deal and then vomit (in a laying position) so that she chokes and you sit her up again.

Then as the squash scented vomit sprays your arms, her legs and the changing table she will cry in a wobbly paniced voice "mommie". Damn straight she only says it when she knows I'm trying to debate between screaming or crying.

So I wipe her down with a few wet naps while she screams then change a diaper with one hand while she's standing and holding on to my nightgown for dear life screaming my name. You ever put a diaper on a standing kid? Well it's not easy.

Then I sweep her up and find a paci. We only give her pacifiers now when there is panic or sleeping involved. This is panic...so I cave easily. I escort her to my bed where I wrap her nearly naked body in the comforter. Wails that mirror someone's flesh being peeled off ensue. So I take the comforter back off. She pulls my pillow out from under my head and lays her red teary face on it.

Hmmm... maybe she likes the jersey knit sheets I think. I pull the sheet up over her and she snuggles in wiping it repeatedly with her left hand while saying "al done" and "mommie" in constant weak repeat.

I start to sing "baby mine don't you cry..." by the "lay your sweet head" line her eyes are closed despite deep breathing and occassional whimpers for "al done, mommy, a dadi". So I surround her with the pillow fort and head to her room to clean the walls, changing table, and my personal favorite...the carpet.

Perhaps it's not the smell of PTSD, maybe it's just lysol and resolve. Really it's hard to tell at this point. But I do know I'm going to have to get one more jersey sheet and make it into a small baby woobie so I don't keep losing my dang pillow.