Letter to Another Mother

This picture is part of our bedtime routine on the over tired/over wound up nights with Layla (or in this case nights when you are covered with dinner) it has nothing to do with the post below. Thanks!

Dear Other Mother,





I hear you. Night after night you scream from 9 p.m. until eventually you are drowned out by a combination of loud TV volume, barking dogs and your own child crying. It's too late. That's why she's so brutally upset every night when you try and put her to bed. Dinner at 7 or 8 and then bedtime at 9 or 10 is too late for a toddler barely older than my own little Laylabug. She's too tired and she can't process what you want her to do and within minutes every night you and she are both on max volume.

You're making an ass of yourself. Not to say that you're not a good mother, because I don't know what kind of mother you are, but I can tell you this. No one has ever gotten calm when being screamed at to "shut the f**k up and go to bed", especially no one under the age of 3. You can hear it in her cries. She starts off with that tell tale toddler whine but your screaming works her up to the point that some nights I can hear her hyperventilating as she cries. I can hear her through my closed windows and walls, and across the small alley that divides our two buildings, did you know that?

Also, no child deserves to constantly be yelled at like they are bad for doing things children are going to do. Your son, that darling little boy I see sometimes on the balcony...the reason he doesn't come when you're calling...it's because you're always screaming like a crazy person. It isn't calming, I'm 30 years old and I don't know you and it freaks me out at least once a week. Why would anyone want to walk towards a screaming person when they know what they are doing shouldn't warrant screaming.

Please ask for help. I'll help. There are lots of people that will help. But please ask someone to help, so your child doesn't grow up with a complex and continue this cycle through his/her children. I know you don't beat them, I'd call CPS if you did. And, if it doesn't stop soon I'll be calling CPS anyhow because there is more than one way to abuse a child. You are one Super Nana away from being able to have a loving and lasting relationship with your children. But you're tired and you're overwhelmed and maybe you're even scared. I can hear it in your voice sometimes.

Let me tell you on the behalf of every mother out there. Sometimes we all lose our cool. Sometimes we all look like bad moms. Sometimes we do things we regret later no matter how big or small they are. But, most of us, we don't do it every other night at the same time.

Try something knew, read a book, change the routine, turn yourself in for parenting classes...but please stop the crying and yelling. Try just treating them like children who are loved and appreciated instead of hells risen evil sent to plague you. They go to bed every night thinking they are bad and that you hate them. Is that what you want them to remember about their mom?

Every night about 2 hours after I put my laylabug to bed I end up checking yet again to make sure it's your child instead of mine crying. I'd love to not be filled with both relief and a broken heart tomorrow night. Relief/guilt because it's not my child crying. And broken hearted/guilt because it is your child crying again is hurting all of us.

I pray for you.

Signed,
Mommy in the brown townhouse over the fence.