If God could tell me one thing right now, I think I know what it would be. I think he's been telling me over and over and I wasn't listening. I got stuck in the big picture. I got trapped by red bank account balances, broken cars, late payments, and sickness. I kept praying and he would say "listen".
Thanks for the one word answer God.
So I listened. And everytime I would sit down and pray and listen I would get interrupted by this tiny person wanting to play. Or I would feel the baby move and get distracted. I'd let that tiny moments distraction carry me off into my big picture of all the things that aren't working out.
Then yesterday I prayed again and I heard it "listen" and I listened and as I was listening my daughter rolled over in bed and petted my face and said "I with you". She's never said that before. She went right back to sleep.
I thought of all the times at night that she struggles with her sleep and I roll over and comfort her. I whisper into her ear "I am with you, you are ok."
I was listening.
And while you're like oh great an ah-ha moment where she discovered that God is with her, let me tell you that is not what I learned. I didn't learn to listen either... I'm still working on that. But what I did learn is that someone is listening to me and when I am off in the darkness struggling she is watching me and learning how to cope with things.
So in those moments when I am gasping for air, I can look at her and know that I am teaching her resources that she will have forever. And I can pray, and I can listen and I can know that someone is always with me. Someone little, who is more than willing to distract me from my moments of pity and selfishness.