Natures way

I spent a few days thinking I might be pregnant. I finally got up the nerve to take a test and it was a dud. Instead of a plus or a minus I got 2 blank squares. After several other random events distracting me from getting a new test. I woke up in a pool of my own blood. I hate fertility drugs sometimes and how violent and abrupt they make my body.

I find myself thinking a lot about the natural flow of things. Are we, by trying to avoid my early menopause, screwing with the way things should be. We're not waging war for a baby mainly putting a little effort in keeping my body open to the idea but sometimes it feels like a lot of effort.

I wonder what it would be like to be shocked to find a baby growing inside me instead of crushed month after month when one doesn't show up.