Because Penny Said So

My Aunt Penny (may she rest in peace) used to drive me crazy. I think our similar personalities combined with our mutual love of control put us butting heads from when I turned about 18 on. But, before that time she was a major influence in who I became (thus our similar controling & planning personalities).

One of the things my Aunt used to say all the time was "it's the little things that tell a person who you are when no one is around" and I never understood how right she was until after I became a responsible adult. I remember the first time I drove 15 miles through the country with stinky trash in my car to find a trash can so I wouldn't litter. I remember the friends in the back seat making jokes and fighting the gag reflex. I remember hearing a voice in the back of my head say "it's the little things that tell a person who you are when no one is around."

I vividly remember that day often. It haunts me, along with the phrase, on the days when I hold the door open getting drenched with rain, let a slower driver merge in front of me in traffic and when I bite my tongue when I want to verbally lash out at someone for doing something I have no right to judge them for.

It's not that I don't make mistakes. I'm human. Sometimes I do things even when people are looking that I regret or are ashamed of later. But I try. I try every day to make sure that some of what I'm doing is going to have a positive effect on those around me. I picked my husband because even though I know he doesn't hear Aunt Penny in the back of his head his integrity is strong and he is always trying. Perhaps he hears someone else telling him to do the little things I've never asked.

What I struggle with lately are the people who have no voice in the back of their head. I used to pride myself on thinking that I knew that just because someone was raised differently didn't mean that I was raised better. Now, I have a person in my life that makes me feel that I was raised better and that prideful statement makes me ashamed. It's a little thing, and although she doesn't know I harbor that feeling, I know it's there and it tells people who I am when no one else is around.

How do you tell someone that you notice the little things and that you are judging them for them? How do you tell them that you are sorry without negating the fact that they need to be brought to there attention and fixed? How do you do the right thing when you know it will come out the wrong way?

How do you become the voice in the back of someone's head saying "it's the little things that tell a person who you are when no one is looking."