Tour of Homes Part II- Where the food lives

I'm sure you'll all remember that earlier this year I took part in a tour of homes and showed you the basics of my house. Well as a second part of that group of prompts I am now going to show you the inside of my fridge, freezer and pantry... ready? Ok... away we go...

In the interest of journalistic honesty (and pure laziness) I did not clean up the cabinets before showing them to all of America (and anywhere else that wanted to log on) via the internet.


This is Layla's shelf, it's a nice assortment of baby food, cereal boxes, Gerber approved snacks, graduates entrees (which we just started) and tiny juices I use when we take the diaper bag somewhere.
Her formula lives on the counter right now because it doesn't fit anywhere else. Pay no attention to my formula...err I mean the large bottle of rum. The other night mommy needed a drink and she can't reach the shelf. This is also where the chips appearently live.
This is the booze shelf on the top of the pantry. Jon is in charge of keeping things up there because I can't reach it without a chair.
Below that is the boxes of food shelf, this is also where weird foods we'll never eat end up (like the wrong brand of formula, jello someone gave us, and the box of pasta salad).
Below that is the cans and bottles shelf which also houses the pastas and the marshmellow type items that come in bags. There is a loaf of wheat bread in here right now because I accidently bought a loaf on the same day Jon did.

Above the fridge I have canisters of baking goods like flour and sugars.
The top of the microwave is where the rest of the bread lives. We are carb whores, notice the 3 kinds of bread, buns and english muffins...and we've already eaten some of the other options.
Above the stove there is a cabinet of tall things. Cereal boxes, oil jugs, coffee bags etc.
Next to the stove there are spices I use often, the good olive oil and a bowl of onions and garlic.

There is also a spice overflow cabinet.

The freezer is filled with the normal things... meat, frozen veggies, margerine for my picky brother in law, frozen burritos for my not picky husband and some teething toys and ice packs because I'm someone's mommy.
Oh and don't forget the overripe bananas for banana nut bread later and the honking bag of ice in case I need some formula.
The fridge houses a lot of drinks, near the top we have a wide selection...um water, juice, kool aid, cranberry juice, apple juice, formula and milk. Also note the large number of condiments... I like to cook so we aquire a lot of topping type things.
And suprisingly the bottom of the fridge is more of the same, condiments and drinks, soda & beer left over from the last party. (the beer not the soda... we go through soda like oxygen over here)
And the very bottom, a lunch meat and cheese drawer, a veggie drawer and you guessed it... more drinks... some ale and some sparkling grape juice.

I left out the pictures of my bag of potatoes on the floor... use your imagination...

How about you? What's where your food lives?

The Curse of the Smiley

It all started so innocently. I just needed shampoo. And while I was at it I had a return to do. I placed my return in the bag and loaded up the baby. Once at the land of smiley we stood in line for 13 minutes to find out that without a recipe our return was worth pennies on the dollar so I sent a quick email from my cell phone to my mother asking her to bring the recipe with her on her visit this weekend and we left.

In the parking lot I remember that I still needed shampoo. Well I had another return for the big bullet sign so we went there. While at this store we do our return without issue and walk back to the baby section to turn a too small dress into a just right dress. Twenty minutes later I've got a cart full of diapers and swipers because they are on sales, a couple packs of baby food and a few bottles of formula. Dang. Time to go. We check out. $89.00. Yuck!

Loading the baby back into the car I remember I still don't have shampoo. Well, might as well go back to the blue smiley. At least that way I won't look like an idiot going back into the same store to buy one thing.

At the land of smiley we take a quick walk to the baby clothing section because I see a cute dress. It's less than $7 so we toss it in the cart, we grab some shampoo, oh look food items we use on sale...damn it... $36 dollars later (at least $16 was a return)... we're finally on our way home.

I spent over $100 and I didn't get anything we really didn't need other than that dress. I know it's not a big deal but when you're not working every little penny makes you worry. Plus I know I'll spend more money when I go back with that second bag of returns.

What is it about that little yellow smiley face that always tricks me into buying things I don't need just because they are on sale?

Saving Graces

When the hubby woke up we talked about it a little bit and then I got the "why don't you take a nap". Usually I can't nap. I'm just one of those people. But when Layla needed her nap a few minutes later I tried it. I vaguely remember waking for a second when she woke up and seeing Jon whishing her away. Then I woke up 4 hours later because I suddenly noticed the house was silent. I found a note which read "layla and I decided to give you time to yourself, enjoy it". The house was picked up and my phone was on silent. So I'm writing a blog to counter the one from earlier because i do love him now that I'm not exhausted... and then... I might just go back to bed.

Sorry honey... I was just tired. Love- Me

Are you kidding me?

I've spent weeks talking about how tired I am all the time but I knew it wasn't going to matter much because the hubby has been working a lot and he's tired too. Yesterday when he came home he took an almost 4 and a half hour nap, then he went to bed on time. At 2 am when my daughter woke up crying I dealt with it, it doesn't happen often but at 6:30 when she woke up to a thousand choruses of "hi daddy" and daddy was awake I said... "I guess I don't get to sleep in?" because we had talked about it again last night and there was no sign of him getting up. I was really hoping I could. He asked what time it was and I told him and then he said the one thing you can't say to your overtired wife who hasn't slept in in 7 months..."really because it felt so much later"... and just laid there. Five minutes later I felt bad for the unhappy baby rolling around on the bed and I got up. I cried in the bathroom, I cried while I made baby cereal, I cried while I fed her and then I stopped crying and I wrote this blog. It's not that I don't think he helps because he does... but really... what more is a girl supposed to do for a few hours of good sleep????? As I write this he lays sleeping in the next room. Must be nice.

7 Random Facts MIME

I got tagged for another MIME in email and as usual I'm posting it here for people to do if they would like as a cheap thrill writing prompt. Here are the 7 random things about me... as the instructions I was given in email these 7 wonderful things are all things still "CURRENT" and not about my past. At least not directly about my past. (evil grin)

1. I have been reading the Chowhound site for ages and looking at all the lovely posts and thinking to myself "Why doesn't any ever write about the food here in the Central Valley?" I mean afterall that is where most of the produce comes from. So today I got up the nerve to make my own new login. You see I had a log in a few years back... you know back in my bitter past... and it was time to start anew. While I was at it I created a food blog because I had one of those long ago when I was on Chowhounds and it seemed only right to jump in with both feet if I was really going to jump back in.

2. I'm currently looking for a job in that swiss cheese classifieds sort of way. I have never in my life seen so many crappy jobs posted while all the upper Administrative Management positions are missing. I mean really... a super walmart and a super target opening within 15 minutes of home in each direction. Come on people?

3. In the morning I sometimes pretend to be asleep so I can watch what my daughter does when she's left to her own devices and thinks that no one is watching her. As it appears, my daughter is very much like me and after a few minutes of trying to get her hands on the things she knows she's not supposed to she gets bored with the freedom of being alone and starts to crave company. Usually this means poking either myself or her father until one of us wakes up to play with her. She greets us with a big "hi" and lately with a wave that she taught herself to do. It's the best part of waking up... I don't care what Folgers says.

4. Despite thinking I should lose weight on Saturday morning I sent my husband for some doughnuts to put an end to a craving I had been having since watching Donut Paradise on the Travel Channel the night before. Then I ate 4 in one day.

5. My first mother's day wasn't anything like I imagined my first mother's day to be. So when it was over and I was in bed I laid there for awhile thinking of how I hoped it would be next year before common sense caught up with me and I decided being a Mom was more important than Mother's Day and that thinking about Mother's Day in advance just makes you end up in bed at the end of another Mother's Day pondering the same question.

6. This weekend I am going to the first of many food festivals this food festival season. This weekend is both the Hughson Fruit & Nut Festival and the Oakdale Chocolate Festival (which I find funny being as the Hershey's Chocolate Factory in Oakdale closed down) but I forgive them because they are having a $5.00 chocolate event that I can go to with family and friends. I am looking forward to teaching my daughter about cheap, fun, community based events like my parents taught me.

7. I have become addicted to the travel channel, showing particularly high interest to shows about food. (suprise suprise) Heck I'll even watch Anthony Bourdain or whatever the heck his name is.

Tag you're all it.

Fat Girl Eats

I read several recipe blogs and I read cook books like novels and for the last couple years I've been experimenting with tastes of my own. For that reason I've started another little blog called Fat Girl Eats where you can get a look at the sort of things we're trying out at our house.

It'll keep all the "foodie" talk off this blog and put it someplace where only the people interested in it can go to look for it. My first food post will go up this afternoon/evening depending on whether or not my child ever really takes a nap.

Now it's Mother's Day

So the following three posts are not in any particular order but please read them all... they are dedicated to some of my favorite moms. The ones that are family, the ones that are friends and the ones that I've never met but often think about.

Happy Mother's Day!

Now we go by Mommy

Some of us didn't see it coming, some of us planned for it our whole lives, some of us had to try like we were trying to make an olympic team, some of us just woke up to the reality of it but all of us became someone's mommy.

In a moments time we went from a life all about us to a life that meant nothing without them. We've healed broken hearts with aligator tears, cleaned up things we'd rather not even think about touching and shared our last little ounce of energy just to watch them smile.

We've reaped the best rewards... the snuggled in moments when the tension slips away and with a heavy sigh they fall sleeping at last, the bright eyed squeeling moments of amazement and wonder at things we'd forgotten how to enjoy and the every day moments that got lost between the 8 am bottle-10 am nap and lunch plans we almost didn't make.

So Happy Mother's Day to all of us... the ones who just getting started, the ones who've held a title forever and the ones still trying to figure it out.

Now we call her Grammi

When I was little my Grandma Gerty told me to marry a Mama's boy. She explained that a boy who could love his mother well despite all the mistakes a mom could make in the time it takes to raise a boy was the kind of man who would love you through bad pot roast, dried up bank accounts and stale moments in your marriage.

When I met Jon it didn't take long for me to decide I wanted to marry him, on his end it took a little longer. By the time we decided we were getting married I'd only met Jon's mother once and I was terrified she was going to hate me or that I'd do something awful on accident and she'd never forgive me.

In the (almost) 2 years I have discovered what made my husband have a heart so forgiving, a soul so accepting and a tongue so competitive. He learned it from a woman who could mend broken hearts with a bed at home from college, who could pray her way through family crisis 3 families wide and who always had time to chat.

Turns out I didn't have anything to be scared of. It didn't take long to call her Mom, it took even less time to call her Grammi. Ironically enough she didn't hate me...although I don't talk to her as much as I did in the beginning (I'm a mommy now too) I still love her to death.

So Happy Mother's Day Chris, without you I wouldn't be having my first Mother's Day. You did a dang good job on that boy of yours. Dang good.

Now we call her Nana

When I was 5 she smelled like a mix of sweet tea and sunflower seeds in the summer. Her hair was always shiny and it flowed in the wind. She knew the rules to all my favorite games, she never lost at a game of cards, she knew all the words and how to make all the voices in my favorite stories and she always made the best chocolate chip cookies.

When I was 10 she knew the words to all the "cool" songs on the radio. She let me walk by myself to the school yard to play with my friends, she made great breakfasts on the weekends and she wore bangled earrings like Stevie Nicks with her birkenstocks and flowy skirts. She never missed a practice or a recital, she always had the cure in her purse and she was the envy of most of my friends.

When I was 15 she taught me to drive and kept my secret when I backed into a tree while learning in someone else's orchard. She let me hang out with my friends unsupervised at the fair grounds, handed out money for me to get my own lunch items, helped find the perfect dress for a Freshman lucky enough to go to the senior prom, and she never let me forget that I was still her little girl.

When I was 20 she taught me to be an adult by introducing me to traveling with a bad sense of direction, trying new foods and falling in love. She let me go when I wanted to run away and she let me come home when my heart was broken. She still made sure Santa stuffed my stocking, she knew where to get the chocolate mice before there was a Harry Potter and she never missed a chance to hang out on the weekends.

When I was 25 she reminded me how to be young again. She incouraged me to date, laugh, dance and love with reckless abandon and reminded me to be safe, stubborn, independent and responsible before she got off the phone. She told me not to get "locked up or knocked up", she shared margaritas on Saturday afternoons at lunch and she reminded me that different really is better than boring.

I'm not yet 30. And when I look back at all the things she did, all the things she was, all the things she still is. I wonder? Can I even sum it all up? Probably not. But then I remember that they have a word for this person beyond description, this overwhelmingly different and wonderfully always the same sort of love. They call it MOM, and I am honored to have one.

Happy Mother's Day to the woman who has changed her title to Nana, who's name is Mommy in the cell phone and Lorrie at work but around here will always just be Mom.

NCLUSD Public Pool

When I was 12 I would jump into the pool and let my body weight pull me to the bottom, I'd slowly raise my hands above my head as I sunk feet first into the chlorinated water until it fully engulfed me. My toes would finally hit the bottom and with the slightest push from my bent legs I would shoot up and out of the water as I brought my hands back down to my sides. It was like being launched from a rocket. It was powerful, quiet and calm. In the dead of a valley summer 110 degree day it was cool and comforting. I did it at least 20 times in a row, sometimes several times a day- all summer long.

I wasn't the high dive jumper or the water slide rider. I was the swimmer. I was back and forth from one side to the other, breast stroke, free stroke and when I got tired the back stroke. Thousands of laps every summer until the pale white skin I had in May turned to a dark rum color at the end of August. I was devastated when it closed. I was impatient during the rests and if I stopped with you, it was only to get my strength back to start swimming again.

There were people there, there were things. People I loved... cool friends with side ponytails and hot pink toe nail polish wearing last years bathing suit and helping tote an overflowing bag of things we might need but hardly ever did actually need. Things to be remembered, floating in the big rubber inter tubes, chasing down the ice cream truck for a choco-taco, and then drinking hot flat soda that we prepped 3 hours before.

We were the in crowd there, not because we wanted to be but instead because we were a fixture. We were a part of it like pale blue painted floors and ricketing chain link fences. We were the summer kids. We had no where to be, nothing to do and no one to watch us. We were free.

Too young then to appreciate it. We always wanted another $2.00 for something, a darker tan and a better kick turn at the end of the next lap. And now 17 years later what all of us wouldn't give to be back in the same pool with the same people with that same damn ability to swim all day without burning or getting tired.

Summer is starting. It's not the power of freedom now. Instead it's the reality of higher air conditioning bills, higher SPF and warn out flip flops. But sometimes when we sneak away to a pool somewhere and ease ourselves into the cool water we let ourselves remember. We find ourselves in a little deeper part of the pool, and we sink to the bottom.

A Day In the Life

So a few days ago a guy family member asked me "what do you do all day now that you're home, don't you get bored?" and after I stabbed his eyeball with a fork in my mind, I said calmly in the phone, "we manage".

And then when I got off the phone I thought to myself, "What the HELL do you DO all day?" because I realized I really didn't know. I mean I'm sort of in a blur sometimes.

So to answer the age old question... what did I do today... I'm going to be updating this blog periodically throughout the day.

6:30 am... the laylabug wakes up because daddy is in the shower and begins playing with my nightgown trim, poking my nose and eyeballs and rolling over repeatedly next to the edge of the bed until I feel I might actually have a heart attack if I don't get out of bed.

When daddy gets out of the shower, I go to the bathroom because if you pick the child up out of the bed before you go pee you will spend most of the morning wishing you could go pee. Then I change the first of many diapers for the day.

6:50 am... laylabug breakfast... mushy oatmeal mixed with peaches and formula. She eats for about 10 minutes, with occassional interupts as she contorts her body to try and see Neesie Nash on clean house. Then she says "uffs" repeatedly until I let her have 3 gerber banana puffs.

7:00 am... laylabug playing on the floor, again with the constant rolling & now getting stuck on things like furniture and toys, so I assist occassionally by pulling her out of the frustrating spots, I also get up 3 times to pull her away from the highly fascinating stereo buttons and then twice from the colorful and there for must be touched DVDs on the bottom shelf.

7:15 am... a the sound of instant screaming in the morning... the EVERY SINGLE morning at 7:15-7:30 stinky diaper, which I change and while I'm at it I dress the laylabug in very cute girly clothing. We were going to go to the flea market but I'm not feeling it now that it's actually the day of so instead I stick the baby who is now rubbing her eyes in the swing and I go get dressed.

7:30 am... ok appareantly swinging is worse than death and the constant baby yelling "hey" from the living room isn't as cute as you might think so I tote her into the bedroom and try to finish getting dressed. She is not enjoying waiting for me to get ready. I put my hair in a ponytail and don a baseball cap with no makeup to avoid a laylabug meltdown. I then take her to the office and she rolls around on the floor (which she loves) while I check my email. I also pack a diaper bag with one hand and prep 3 bottles.

8:00 am... I put the laylabug for the first time in her new upright car-seat and we head to the store.

8:10 am... arrive at store, I get the laylabug out of the car (thank you baby jesus it's so much easier without that bucket car seat). I put laylabug into a cart. And realize two very important things, 1. I do not have my list. 2. I do not know how many people are coming to mother's day brunch. I look down at all the things I got out of the car and into the cart...you know the baby, my bag, a bottle, a toy etc and decide I will wing it.

8:20 am... we are only ten minutes into our grocery shopping and 5 old people have stopped me to talk to my adorable laylabug. I remember it is seniors day at Savemart. Damn it. Now the 20 minute grocery trip takes almost an hour.

9:07 am... arrive home, and unload car while laylabug plays in carseat which she loves. In fact she talked the whole way home from the store and kept touching the window she can now see.

9:10 am... with grocery bags all over the counter, floor and table stop what you are doing to feed the laylabug the first bottle of the day. It takes awhile for mush breakfast to wear off but once it does she's very loud about wanting a bottle. After the bottle, do a diaper check and put the laylabug in a crib for a nap, checking the fishy toy to make sure it's on and giving her a bunny to play with in the crib.

9:19 am... finally finished putting groceries away- look at the grocery list and figure out that despite spending $80 you have forgotten 3 vital things, make a seperate list for the hubby when he gets home to run to the store, put the reciepts in the quicken, remember you forgot to deposit a PFL check and go looking for it to add to the hubby list.

9:20 am... you can hear laylabug in the crib turning on and off her fish toy (her new favorite game) so you go start doing dishes.

9:35 am... When the water stops running and you walk out of the kitchen you realize that the baby is now SCREAMING. You find her stuck in a corner of the crib, with the toy off, tear streaked and covered in snot. You pick her up, calm her down in the rocking chair, give her 2 ounces left over from that bottle earlier and take off her shoes. At which point she begins to talk and sing to herself. Mental note to self, won't nap in shoes.

9:45 am... play with baby on your lap for 15 minutes, assorted games of peek a boo, patty cake and baby bouncing up and down. then let her play with the rivets on your rock and roll tshirt while you try to drink a pepsi because you suddenly remember you haven't had anything to eat or drink yet today and you've been up for over 3 hours. She grabs your cup mid drink and you decide wearing pepsi on a black shirt is easier than changing.

10:00 am... the now calm baby is rubbing her eyes again. Fearing the crib will cause a flashback followed by screaming you put the now happy baby in the swing, crack the sliding glass door, point her towards nature, turn on the fan so she has something else to look at, turn on a country music station on the radio through the cable box channel and walk away slowly so she won't notice you're gone. Toss her a carebare and a jingling baby doll to play with from a distance and she laughs.

10:05 am... someone knocks on the door and tries to sell you a lawn mowing service despite not having any lawn.

10:07 am... get brave enough to walk to the front side of the swing because the jingle toy has stopped making noise, baby crashed out in an akward position, remove all toys and lower swing back so she is laying down. Scared to turn on the TV to a real station you make yourself a small salad with avocado and ranch dressing.

10:17 am... tip toe to the office. You look for jobs online and read your favorite websites while eating salad and drinking pepsi with reckless abandon...

10:45 am... start writing this post

11:07 am... baby still sleeping, decide to spend some time cultivating the babies wardrobe due to the california change of seasons most of her clothing is too hot and some of it is out but too small, although the other day you did pull out the next size up. Spend 15 minutes tossing things that are not 'right' into a box to be sorted between keepers, favorites and charity items later.

11:22 am... laylabug wakes up. change ANOTHER diaper and put her on the floor to play with a few toys while you finish up the baby room.

11:30 am... play with baby on office floor, using a vibrating bunny baby toy to make her laugh, decide to call mom so she can enjoy baby giggles at which point my daughter becomes fascinated with the phone and ignores the bunny all together until the phone call is over... talk to mom for 5 minutes about grandpa's health issues.

11:35 am... get off the phone with mom and check my voicemail, I have a message from the Drs office, I call them back... arrange payment for something I didn't know I had to pay for.

11:40 am... move to the living room and the baby starts saying "uff" over and over... decide if she wants puffs it's probably time for lunch.

11:45 am... laylabug eats lunch, mixed veggies and a few banana puffs for good measure, outside at the patio table then we dip her feet in the kiddie pool for a few minutes... meanwhile the landlord and her husband watch on while they do yardwork occassionally talking to themselves...whatever-dorks!

12:00 high noon, we come back into the house so no one gets a sunburn, I put the baby in the exersaucer in the kitchen while I clean up the kitchen counters with a bleach product, I break occassionally to keep the squeeling child entertained by the bouncy aspects of the exersaucer and also fork over a few cheerios which I got at the store today.

12:10 laylabug wants a bottle. I can tell because she keeps making suction noises with her mouth, I prep a 4 ounce bottle (the biggest she will drink by the way) and we go to the living room where she insists on sitting up like a big girl while she drinks, she then plays with my baseball cap for 2 or 3 minutes until I put it on her head.

12:15 remove dangling earrings to prevent permenant ear damage.

12:16 take baby to office floor and encourage crawling which she won't do... instead hand her the calculator (her favorite office toy) and type update on this blog

12:22 frustrated baby just started crying... I picked her up and calmed her down, she was grinding her teeth pretty badly, after some inspection (and almost getting my finger tip bitten off) I discover we are cutting yet another tooth (#9 or 10).

12:23 gave baby tylenol and put her in the swing with a pacifier to chew on so I could go pee... came back to find her asleep.

12:30 begin watching Nanny 911 on CMT and eat a piece of sour dough bread, then I go get the mail and discover 1 bill, 2 pieces of mail for people who don't live here and the weekly free classified ad with sales ads, so I look through the sales ads and the paper, discovering there are no jobs available I am summoned out of my seat by my inner demon the stress eating and find some fritos to munch on.

1:30 pm... the landlady asks why the geranium is dead, I remind her a fence fell on it a few months back and she proceeds to tell me a long list of all the plants she pulled up to make the yard in the front look less cluttered... 10 minutes of my life I would like back.

1:40 pm... go check my email for a job and try making a few phone calls for my mom's business that she asked me to make.

1:45 pm... check on baby who is still having a mystery nap, use the time to look through mail piles on the desk, counter and table to eliminate some things that can be filed or thrown away.

2:15 pm... the baby finally awakens from a nap due to a stinky diaper, which I change. We then spend some time trying to sit up unassisted without panicking (her sitting, me panicking).

2:30 pm... juice in a sippy cup and cheerios for a snack... not that we will drink much juice (she doesn't seem to like juice much anymore). I begin looking at the 2 hour nap my child just took and find myself wishing I had taken a shower because today the hubby won't be home until after 4 pm.

2:31 pm... decide to move laylabug in the exersaucer to the office and attempt to fill out goverment job application while giving her cheerios and juice at regular intervals... instead she begins to play.

3:15 pm... laylabug remembers there were cheerios and juice and I start giving her some whenever she signals she wants one of either... this trick earns me 30 minutes of online surfing job sites and reading blog info... because really trying to fill out an application with an infant home alone is ridiculus and can not be accomplished by mere mortals.

3:30 pm... stop focusing on computer and resume trying to get laylabug to say "mmmm" when you put something good in her mouth... feels rather like training a puppy really.

4:00 pm... hubby gets home from work and we talk for awhile in the office and marvel at how much the baby likes cheerios and how well she drinks from a sippy cup now.

4:05 pm... the baby starts to cry when hubby leaves the room so we follow him to the bedroom and she spends a good twenty minutes trying to crawl, rolling around and playing with both of us.

4:30 pm... wander back to the livingroom and try to put baby in the swing. Nope. On the ground. Nope. Decide baby might want dinner, three spoonfuls into squash with rice. Nope. Try walking in a circle and she starts giving me fish face... a sure sign she wants a bottle.

4:40 pm... give baby 4 oz bottle and hubby leaves for the grocery store to get the things I forgot and drop off a deposit at the bank.

5:00 pm... start dinner prep so I'm ready once hubby gets home to light the BBQ

5:20 pm... abruptly stop dinner prep due to screaming child that rolled herself on to cold tile and can't figure out what the "cold" problem is on her feet.

5:45- 6:20 pm... husband gets back from shopping, lights BBQ and I finish making dinner.

6:25pm... dinner, BBQ chicken, white rice and green beans. I feed the baby green beans and rice off my plate and she eats so much I actually cut her off.

7:00 pm... after dinner we start watching NCIS, put the baby to bed and I start doing dishes.

7:05 pm... frantic baby has rolled herself into a bad situation in the crib, after a bottle and some time in the swing she'll be fine.

8:00 pm... put the baby back to bed and this time she actually goes to sleep...

this is my last update for today but tonight there will be american idol watching and possible the 100th episode of ECW before bed... and then we'll sleep on it until tomorrow.

And for the boy who asked what i did all day... here is the male translation... "the baby got up early, we went to the grocery store and then we spent the day at home...and the evening watching tv."

LOL I think that about sums it up.

May Madness

So last night I got out the clear dry erase calendar from the office in our home and wiped off April to start putting May down in some sort of official way. Good Lord, May is a much busier month than I expected. There are Dr appts, UI appts, birthdays, weddings, festivals, family dinners, people leaving the state, people coming from out of state to visit, a day all about moms, a day all about BBQing and probably still a few things I forgot to write down. So I hung it on the wall and I tried not to think about it. Then this morning I was reading my email and I looked up... and I thought... gosh I'm blessed. I'm not working and I still have lots of places to go that won't cost me much if anything. That's lucky... and I appreciate it. Now if someone could just remind me of that when I'm half way through my 3rd booked weekend, I'd appreciate it.

1 Word Survey- from my Mom

YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD! Not as easy as you might think. Now copy or forward,change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone? expensive
2. Your significant other? sleeping
3 Your hair? crazy
4. Your mother? different
5. Your father? funny
6. Your favorite thing? layla
7. Your dream last night? friends
8. Your favorite drink? empty
9. Your dream/goal? working
10. The room you're in? vacant
11. Your hobby? diapers
12. Your fear? abandonment
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? safe
14. Where were you last night? couch
15. What you're not? skinny
16. Muffins? butter
17. One of your wish list items? security
18. Where you grew up? nowhere
19. The last thing you did? kisses
20. What are you wearing? pjs
21. Your TV? FoodNetwork
22. Your pets? away
23. Your computer? dusty
24. Your life? searching
25. Your mood? restless
26. Missing someone? usually
27. Your car? dented
28. Something you're not wearing? bra
29. Favorite store? target
30. Your summer? extended
31. Like someone? you
32. Your favorite color? pink
33. When is the last time you laughed? bouncey
34. Last time you cried? JOB

Layla @ 7 Months

My Squishy Little LaylaBug,

This month mommy had a lot of ups and a lot of downs. On a day that couldn't get any more down she walked into the room you had been taking a nap from and found you like this. How you managed this half pull up is beyond me because you don't really crawl yet and you just started sitting up on your own. But, that's beside the point. I walked in to find you chewing on the side of the crib and you greeted me with an overwhelmingly happy "HIYA".

You have mastered 3 words which you use at random, HIYA is the most common and the most likely for you to use correctly.

You are in love with your voice and try to use it to your best advantage. You yell at people to get their attention, flirt when you want another Gerber puff and pout when you do not get your way.

You are VERY mobile, although you haven't mastered crawling you use a combination of scooting and rolling to get from what you have to what you're not supposed to have. Thanks to Nana letting you play with a cell phone once you are in love with anything that "might" be a cell phone. You love the calculator, my phone and the remote control all equally but you hold a special place in your heart for the camera and sometimes it's a miracle that we even get pictures without your hand over the lense.

You are a water baby, you love baths and playing in your tub filled with water on a hot day. You are girly, letting me trim your nails, and brush your hair or teeth without a whimper. I painted your toes last month, you really loved that and sat through the whole thing. But your favorite part of any day involves changing your clothing. You giggle and try to help by sticking your arms and legs in and out randomly when you think it might be useful.

Your an open little bug, you'll eat anything but Gerber peas. I do mean anything... although you don't eat much you do make up for it though by eating often. I love the faces you make and I'm especially fond of watching you eat finger foods now that I am home during the day.

You are a bed hog, you spread out at night touching me with one hand and daddy with the other and you sleep through just about anything between 8 pm and 6 am but as soon as you think it's morning you are up and running. You know your little schedule and you keep to it pretty well. I especially like how you will still throw a fit when you are dirty because I think it gives me high hopes for potty training you early.

This month you got fun to play with. You are a little girly version of your daddy... always trying to figure out how to take the toy apart instead of just playing with it. You also love the thrills and adventures just like daddy, always wanting us to toss you, twirl you or flip you upside down. I hope you keep that open mind and joy for life forever. It's my favorite thing about your daddy.

And we love you, all 7 months and 18 pounds of your LaylaBug alone personality, and that will never change

Being Green

So I know Earth Day was April 22nd, but I despite the media overhaul towards being "green" I'm just not feeling it the same way as I used to. You see Earth day used to come and I'd watch the trendy Oprah show on new lightbulbs and I'd buy a few, or I'd see a show on recycling and I'd watch what bin things went into a little more carefully.

But this year...

Oh this year it happened...

I went hippie mommy.

Next thing I know I'm laying in bed at night after a Discovery special on the Ozone thinking about how I'm solely killing my daughters planet by being so damn complacent. The next thing I know I'm reading the back of organic food boxes at the grocery store, wondering what is more natural-glass or plastic baby food bottles, and contemplating where to plant herbs in the yard.

I was never "brown", I was always a little "green" around the edges but now I'm thinking about looking like Elphaba and sprouting custom made clothe grocery bags.

Heaven help me... I'm turning into my mother. Soon I'll have on Birkenstocks and I'll be a regular at the farmers market. Not that there's anything wrong with that (love you mom) I just didn't think it would be such a sudden change.

*A* Scattegories Game from my Mommy

I hope you also see this is as a brain exercise SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!

*Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...
*they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!

1. What is your name: ----- Allison Hattie
2. 4 letter word --------------- AMEN
3. Vehicle: --------------------- Audi
4. City-----------------------------Amarillo
5. Boys name: ----------------Austin
6. Girl Name: ------------------Amelia
7. Alcoholic drink: -----------Amaretto & Coffee
8. Occupation:---------------- Alcoholics Anonymous Advisor (hee hee three points)
9. Something you wear: --------------Applesauce (hey I've got a 6 month old)
10. Celebrity: ----------------------------- Amanda Goodman
11. Food: ----------------------------------- Asparagus
12. Something found in a bathroom------- Antibiotic
13. Reason for Being Late: --------Alarm didn't go off
14. Cartoon Character: ----------------Annie Warbucks
15. Something You Shout: -----------Aahaa!
16. Animal: --------------------------------Alligator
17. Body part:-----------------------------Armpit
18. Word to describe you: -----------Available (as in to start work immediately)

me = unemployed

So my 3 month battle with working for the dark side is finally over. This morning I was terminated within minutes of walking in the door. I have no references, I have no employment prospectives but my stomach doesn't hurt for the first time in 3 months and "in God I trust" so I think we'll be just fine.

I have 5 weeks of paid family leave left and according to the woman at PFL most people take that before their unemployment so I'm all signed up for that already. After that's gone (if I don't have another job) I'll be signing up for the UI that I've been paying into my whole life.

As for today, the hubby and I are both off so we're going to enjoy some TV time and baby time and get some laundry done. Tomorrow there is a job fair that I plan on going to. I don't have a plan but I do have hope, and that's all a girl really needs.

Balancing Act

Tonight was the bi-weekly, take the checks, say a prayer, grab a calculator and wish for the best-let's all pretend the bill pile is smaller than the paycheck pile- day. Fun stuff. That moment when I'm an adult now meets dang I'd really like to have some new shoes.

It's almost alright. Taking 4 months off to have a baby and having medical bills (which we aren't even paying really yet), a personal loan and a lot of past due bills has finally gotten itself down to 2 things that aren't quite paid off, a personal loan we've made two payments on and no more red ink in the check book. Not that it's all caught up mind you, but it's not all spinning out into chaos.

There will be a full pantry, an overstock of diapers, and if we are really lucky... perhaps a BBQ night with friends. A couple more checks like this and I do believe we could breath easy, which of course I won't be counting on given the current state of my job.

The thing is, I'm having a heavy heart still. I think I need a little prayer. Money's tight, I don't feel pretty and my kid likes daddy better. Grumble grumble grumble... I should know better than to grumble. So a little prayer please... to get me through the balancing act.

Oh and while you're at it.

A little prayer for my sister-in-law and brother-in-law as they pull an all-nighter driving across 3 states to sign up for college courses (GO GARRATT!! GOOD FOR YOU!!)

And some for all the kids in the middle of the drama of life, and the husbands who always get too little too late, the family looking for work, and the family working to keep the roof up.

Some for my friends online, Cheryl (who had surgery), Annie (who's having a baby soon), Christine (who just had a really cute baby)

And some for my friends here in the real world who are going new places... C (who's about to move in), J & A (who are about to get married), K & J who are about to move out, Shu (who has a lot on her plate), E (who can't find the right job), L (who wants to come home), G (who still believes in Emo Love)

A prayer for those I don't see enough, and for those I see all the time who drive me crazy

A prayer for those who I think about but never call

And a prayer for the people we never think about it

And for good measure throw in a little something nice for yourself... Patience or Kindness or Hope... Something you can bank on on a Thursday night just after tax season.

Paint it Black

I have a job. I go there every day and I recieve accomplished praise from at least 2 of my 3 managers everyday. Even yesterday, things that I had changed and made better were acknowledged...right before they riped my team in half, assigning it to someone who I know will break it (because she's already started), reassigned me and then tried to tell me it wasn't a hostile take over and it was for the good of my department.

Unfortunately, I'm not 7 so I haven't fallen for the "it's really for the best" and the "it hurts me more than it hurts you" mentality they tried to take with me. I spent 3 months fixing it, making them work as one unit without bickering, making the numbers go up and the mistakes go down.

Ironically based on the way they did it they will think it works because it will take at least 3-4 weeks for the numbers I increased to gradually pitter to a pat. Hopefully by then I have another job because I refuse to fix the same thing twice. I'm not an insane, I will not do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

So yesterday I cried and cursed and cared. And today? Today I cashed out... today it's just a job and I go there for exactly my hours every day and then I come home to my kid. It's amazing how someone can kill someone else's passion so easily, like squashing a bug. But I should have expected it. Never trust someone who has a fake smile and talks like a cross between Julia Child and a Disney character.

To Listen

I have a girlfriend who only calls me when she needs something. I know everyone has one of those. I have another girlfriend who stopped calling me when things got busy. I have a girlfriend who got carried of by judgement and couldn't forgive me. I have a girlfriend who just walked away. And then...

I have a girlfriend I just reconnected with. I spent the last month listening to her battle out her inner demons and exorcise some awful baggage. And then she was done and I prepared myself for the postpardum of our friendship. Then the phone rang on my bad day and for the first time in a long time I really felt like I had a girlfriend to listen (much to the relief of my mr fix it husband).

I know it was partially me in all those situations that made it harder or altogether ended a good time with a good girlfriend. I could have called more or writen more emails. I could have made plans or walked the extra mile. I could have begged for Christian forgiveness when it wasn't offered open handed. I could have... but I didn't.

I think I wanted to know my friendship has a value. I wanted to know that just being there was enough to build some sort of bond. I wanted to be worthy of someone forgiving me just because they could or calling me just because they missed my imperfection.

It's odd how the person who I thought wouldn't listen, has been listening so well and how much just having someone with estrogen to listen has changed me.

I could call. And I want to call. Because I know this time I'm not being judged, I'm not being stereotyped, I'm not an inconvenience or a bother. This time we're just both there to listen.

Taken

I am an exposed nerve. I am 29 years of wear and tear on a used set of tires. I am rusted around the edges and I am decayed in the parts hidden behind the the face plate. I am polished shined in beautiful contemplation of broken existance. I am art.

I am constantly feeling, something I avoided for many years and it leaves me most days at an anxiety level which boils over on to my husband and into a pile on the bed much to early in the evening. I am balancing the numbers that never balance, planning plans that would take divine intervention to acknowledge and thinking outside a box that has more than enough room for me to grow inside it.

I am finally there. I am in the moment. I am no longer a day away or an hour too late. I express it as it happens. I move things and I am moved. I shake them and sometimes I am shaken. I sit in the stillness and I am in awe.

I am alive. I am at that point where happy is hopeful, sad is survivable and love is overwhelming. I am consumed by a desire to change my situation in little ways... 9 to 5 ways... and yet so overwhelmingly content to be able to watch nothing next to someone willing to suffer through it for my enjoyment. I watch the nothing become something of meaning.

I am addicted. I am craving it, touching it, smelling it next to me and then I close my eyes in the dark and listen to the sound of subconscience symphanies playing from that which holds my soul next to me and I worry that it could not be enough, that it could vanish and then I pray.

I am empty of the desire and full of the guilt one moment and the next I am full of the desire and empty of the guilt and all it took was one look, one word, one more person to show me that I am abnormally normal...even now. I am repulsed and yet I am curious.

I am atoned. I hear the voice in the back of my head. It is love in compounding expanding wholeness I can not even begin to understand and it says I am safe and my love is safe. I snuggle in, closing my eyes again and listen to the air I breath taking in air around me. It is warm and it is near me always.

I am defined by them. I am part of them now. Slowly my identity has morphed into a part of a puzzle with constant changing pieces. I am not a product of how I see myself. I am not a product of how they see me. I am a product of being changed by knowing them and them being changed by knowing me.

I am not for the better or for the worse. I have a value given to me just by my existence. I am necessary and I am strong in ways I do not understand most of the times. I am calm when I need to be and hot when I can be. I am too much, too little and always just enough.

And suddenly I just get it.

I am a child, a mother, a wife, a friend, an enemy, a job, a work in progress. I have no definition, I am described by all things in contradiction. I have a name and it is taken.

taken
adjective
1.
understood in a certain way; made sense of; "a word taken literally"; "a smile taken as consent"; "an open door interpreted as an invitation"

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 6

This is the back yard. The landlord just added the grass stuff. It houses some fruit plants, a nice sized storage shed and my favorite view from the sliding glass door to the clear blue sky which let's me pretend I live in the country. I also think later this summer when the BBQ really gets fired up that table with the umbrella is going to be the place to be if you're a cool person.

That's about it for our tour of homes. Stay tuned some time in the next few months for the "what's in my fridge", "cleaning out the closet" and "what it looks like clean" installments.

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 6

This is the master bedroom. Notice the pack in play? That's where my kid naps. She sleeps at night in our bed still because well we all like it. The stuff on the dresser isn't dust, it's incense ashes and it's always there. One door (closed) is a walk in closet and the other is a bathroom too small to warrant pictures. The window looks out at the perfect angle over the poppy part of the yard in a way that would make it hard for a person to look up into the house. I like that part. I don't like the part where our box spring is broken so the bed sits on the ground instead of a frame. Maybe someday we'll get a king size...sigh.

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 5

This is one of our two bathrooms. We won't dwell on it. This one doesn't have a shower so we don't really use it unless someone needs to go pee while someone else is in the master shower. It holds a baby bath no one is using right now while Layla bathes in the kitchen sink and I do my hair there. Exciting, no? I won't bother taking pictures of the other one. You can thank me later.

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 4

The next room would be the office. Originally this room was going to be Jon's man room so it's very modern and artsy just like my hubby. I also let the desk be covered with litters of paper, cord tangles from PSP's and cameras and other crap so that it feels more like his space. It houses his shot glass collection, his band signed pictures, his transformers and a book case that holds a small selection of our hardcover books. There is also a small shelf of cds. The futon is horrible uncomfortable so when people stay over we put an air mattress on top of the futon mattress which they appreciate. Someday we're hoping this room will hold the drumset we never got around to getting.

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 3

The first door on the left in the hallway is my daughter Layla's room. It's decorated in brown, pink and burgundy with tulips, stripes and Amy Brown fairies. She won't sleep in it but we spend a lot of time in there changing clothing and diapers. She's already getting quite the little toy and book collection, this room holds the stuff she doesn't use yet so it's not as brightly colored as the living room but it will be once she starts spending a lot of time in there. Notice the baseball hat rack we stole from daddy and painted to match her bedroom (which daddy painted all of) it's one of my favorite things in her room because it brilliantly holds special items, wet towels, discarded blankets and hoodie sweatshirts where they are easy to get to. Also there is her piggy bank collection which happened totally on accident last christmas.

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 2

This is our kitchen, dining room and living room. They are all really sort of like one big room and that's just how we treat them. We move furniture around to make them look big for parties and then smaller when we're just at home watching TV. I didn't clean up for your picture tour so I didn't take a picture from the angle that would show my dirty dishes but you do get to see the food on my counter and the stuff piled on my cook book shelf. Really this is what it looks like around here most of the time. Notice the cowboy hats still on the piano from the rock star party last weekend and the stuff all over the living room that keeps the baby entertained. We're keeping it real. Also shown is the view from the sliding glass door, but that's the back yard and it can have it's own post in a minute. We're pretty blessed to have such a good spot for entertaining & it's too big to get in one picture.

Home Sweet Home- The Tour Part 1

I got asked to do a tour of my home in pictures so we're starting here... enjoy...

This is where I live. Isn't it lovely. It's at the end of the street and when I look out my front door I can see everyone else's yard. And poppies, I can see lots and lots of poppies because my landlord must love them and they are everywhere.

Doing the Zoolander

I can only turn in one direction. That would be the left for those of you who must know every detail. My right side is well... stuck... for lack of a better word. My neck is shot. It has been all day. It used to be much worse but one of the doctors at work fixed me up pretty well. (A perk of working at a chiropractic office I guess).

The thing is that Zoolander wasn't someone's mommy and this really sucks. So that's my whole rant. I can't even think of a nice and poetic way to right about it. I just wanted to whine.

The end.

Party Like A Rockstar

A few photos for your enjoyment from my party like a rockstar themed b-day party!! Enjoy! (Thanks to everyone who sent me pictures after camera number 2 broke this weekend). For those of you with access I put up more pictures on myspace. :)

29

For my birthday I decided to have a go at being someone else... some with cute trendy hair... what do you think?

Layla @ 6 Months

Your 6th little month of life decided to mark itself with Mommy's 29th birthday and the sudden death of the camera which costs $110 to fix so this time your monthly photo is two days old. Sorry about that.

You recently had a growth spurt. I know this because daddy raised your exersaucer so you weren't standing flat footed in it last week and today when I put you in it if you stand up straight (which you can do flat footed) you aren't even sitting in the seat. It's lovely how you hardly ever grow but then when you do it's by leaps and bounds.

You are 27 inches long. The same length as your cousin Faith, but you are 5 pounds lighter, a mere 15 pounds of baby love. I blame this on your father. You got his metabolism and his desire to eat tiny meals often. Every 2 hours or so. Lucky you, you will be tall and thin and the boys will love you. Poor daddy, he's going to have to start collecting guns.

This month you also found your scream. You've always been a babbler but now you scream with delite, fear or boredom. Hey why waste a good scream?

Papa Mark and Susan bought you a dog that is a puppet. When you put your hand in it and squeeze it's mouth open and shut it sings "close to you". This is now your FAVORITE thing on the planet. It makes anything better even the flu or socks. You hear the song and instantly you are happy. I am slightly jealous that a dog has stolen my trademark ability to solve all that ails you. But also a little happy that now the Nana's and Daddy's of the world can get you to giggle when you are pissed off. You also make me sing you the song when you are sleepy and fighting it. I think daddy probably hates that song now.

You like skirts, bare feet, sunlight, "outside", apples with bananas & pears from gerber, trying to eat the flowers, your stuffed elephant and pulling mommy's hair...so she's cutting it off today. You like giggling, flying through the air, hanging upside down and thrill seeking in any form. You like to move, roll, scoot and scout out new adventures and just this week you discovered that if you slam your body hard enough to one side or the other people will move you that way. You are always in control, always curious and always touching something you probably shouldn't be. Even in your sleep you are petting daddy's facial hair or holding mommy's shirt if you can manage it...sometimes even both at once.

This month you officially went from being my newborn to being my baby girl. Complete with ruffled skirts and batting eyelashes. You are nearly fearless, almost always curious and open to new experiences and I am loving watching you interact with things for the first time. In fact, I think I'll go do that now... bye internet!

It's my little secret

Jon thinks I am ever the pillow hog. Sometimes I steal his pillows before he goes to bed. But I try to keep myself from doing that. Instead I wait until he goes to work Saturday mornings and the moment I hear his shower start I reach over and grab his pillow. I squish it up and place it under my head.

His pillow is so much better than mine. But the problem with that statement is we don't have "assigned" pillows. See what makes his pillow so great is that is smells like him. It's this strange mixture of coffee, axe body spray, sweaty boy and well and something else that I've never been able to describe. It's always still slightly warm and it feels so good pressed against my face.

I'm not a cuddler it makes me hot but it's comforting to me to know that his smell is there. And sometimes I come to bed and find my daughter like the picture above. It's ok though, I know her dirty secret. She just wants to squish her face up against a soft pillow that smells like us.

The Thin Line

This evening I took the last of the potatoes and the last of the eggs and made dinner. We're officially parents now. Instead of lunch this week we'll be buying one more thing of formula and one more package of baby wipes (which all the sudden we go through 3 times as many of). It's ok though. We both get paid at the end of the week.

Jon told me a few weeks ago that he was tired of being an adult. I can't say I disagree but I think the advantages of being a parent and a grown up far outway the disadvantages. I often wonder though if that feeling ever goes away... you know the one where you just feel like you're pretending to be an adult because you know you are one and that's what adults are supposed to do. I mean are our parents in their 50's thinking... man I still want to be 16 but dang it I'm an adult or does it go away after awhile.

Speaking of things that go away after awhile... has anyone seen my sex drive? I think I lost it right about the time I lost my stretch mark free stomach and limitless budget. Anyhow... if you find it could you give it to Jon he's been trying to find it. I mean I could care less but the guy is going to get rather testy about it eventually. You know how boys get when they lose things.

The new job is going well. People ask all the time. The truth is I'm good at it, they seem to like me and it's challenging. It's just going to take awhile to either adapt to the crazy way they do things or have a hostile take over until they do things my way.

In the interim... if anyone needs me I'll be the one standing on a tight rope above insanity trying to pretend like it's not scary.

I know I should post

People are starting to get on me because I never post on this site anymore. So I'm going to start trying to get to it a couple times a week instead of just once every weekend. But it's so busy and distracting around here I'm not making any promises. After all, I have important things to do, like taking pictures to embarrass my daughter with when she's old enough to realize this really isn't that cool.

Where has it gone

I remember when my daughter was born she had a full head of dark brown hair, over time it's lightened and some of it (if not most of it) has fallen out and now I have what looks like a normal baby worth of hair on top of her little head, it sticks straight up, and with the exception of a small bald spot from pushing herself around on her back on the floor it covers her entire scalp in a thin layer.

The funny thing is I never really noticed it was falling out until today when I looked at a picture from when I first brought her home. In that picture her eyes were bright blue, her hair was thick and brown and she was so tiny. Now she's so long and so aware and her hair is almost gone. But, despite all that I never noticed.

It was a small trickle, this growing thing... so slow and small that I never really realized that it had been 5 months, so slow I never noticed that it was life passing before me. Wonder what else I missed.