Saturday, November 01, 2008


She is like me. At first it was a way I could not express but as she grows older I can suddenly relate to it and find it in the course of a normal day over and over again.

She is pushing limits and when the adult voice booms over her telling her she was in trouble she cries out crumpling on to the couch and yelling apologetically that she is "bbbbaaaaaddddd". She is me. Her emotions take the smallest amount of energy in a room and amplify it in that second.

She feels the smallest no as the biggest rejection. And she weighs on the air the emotions that swirl around her at every moment. And I am slightly heartbroken for her when I see it in her eyes. After all... I am her. I can relate to the shattered feeling that is in her heart for no reason. I can see her balancing on the edge of the couch like the edge of the world looking to make sure she didn't do something that makes her unlovable.

In coming years she'll learn to control that emotional pulse that explodes so easily inside her. She'll learn that the emotions of some are more valuable to her than others. But for now, she is broken when you are sad, she amorous when you are loving, she is frozen when you are impatient, and she is exalted when you are happy. No matter who you are.

It will be part of her gift, just like it is part of mine. It will be part of makes her who she is...always. And her reaction, as it changes over time will become a definition of her character so I fight the urge to swoop her up and comfort her. Instead I watch my heart breaking as she learns the limits of life and unlimited nature of love.

1 comment:

Grammi Teri said...

And your knowledge of yourself will help her understand and embrace who she is :)