Little Pills

Ocean's 13 was the last movie I saw in the theatre. At the time I was extremely pregnant and two friends took me to the movies in an attempt to keep me up late enough to attend another event with other people. I told them if they didn't keep me up, being as I was so pregnant, I would fall asleep and end up missing whatever it was.

I don't remember what the event was but I remember the movie. I also remember very clearly how on one side of me my friends Courtney and George sat watching the movie and on the other side of me (in the top row of the theatre I might add) sat two of the most annoying portugues woman I've ever encountered.

The first woman was about 65 years old and the woman she was with was probably in her late 70's. The older woman couldn't follow the movie plot and couldn't tell the characters apart. So through the entire movie she talked to the person next to her who answered her questions with the most hateful and abrupt answers I've ever heard. Not that I can blame the lady I personally wanted to push her friend down the stairs by the time I left.

George and Courtney enjoyed listening to me rehash the entire experience in the car and while the story I told was both funny and bitter the movie itself and the time I spent out with friends was enjoyed more because of it.

That was almost 2 years ago I think. Occassionally the opportunity comes up where I could go to the movies but I never go. My husband goes because I send him on without me. At first I didn't want to leave the baby that long. Then after awhile I just didn't want to spend two hours of my life and $20 watching something I could watch for free at home later in my pjs.

Now it's been awhile and I'm honestly scared to go to the movies. Scared of what? I don't know. It's like an anxiety bubble starts to blow up inside of me when people talk about the movies and I spend the rest of the time trying to figure out how to get to stay home.

So the other day when Layla had her 1 year check up I mentioned this to my Dr. Turns out some people get post partum anxiety and it rolls right over to an anxiety disorder. He thinks that's probably me. So we renewed my prescription.

While a part of me wonders what it will be like if I suddenly do want to go out again, being as staying home as become a part of me. Part of me also wonders what it will be like to stay home once I want to go out. Conflicted.



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